Topic : 03/20 Policing the Parents

I watched the show because I have the opposite problem.  My son is nearly 31 years old and has been drinking since his early teens.  He has never had a steady job for more than a few months, he has rarely had a permanent roof over his head, he has only had sporadic contact w/ his 9 yr old daughter.  His mother and I are now divorced and I believe that is likely due to struggling w/ our son's addiction for so many years.  My son has been in and out of jail, he has spent most of his time homeless and living on the street, and yes, he has been in some rehab facilities a couple of times.  We arranged rehab for him more times than that, but he would leave w/i 24 hours.  We did not realize the level of our son's problem until he was legally and adult. 

My most recent experience w/ my son was a call from him this morning saying he'd been robbed and beaten and he was in the hospital.  he wanted me to come help him, which I refused to do.  This is something that has happened on many, many occasions.  I have spent tens of thousands of dollars on him, i've taken him into my home time and time again and I'm thru doing it.   He does not even know wehre I live now and I will not tell him. 

But does me making the decision I can't help make it any easier to turn him away? No.  And the thing that frustrates me about any of these television shows that deal with addiction, the ultimate answer is, "we'll pay to send you to the best facility in the country for as long as it takes."  Well, I would say 99% of Americans don't have that option.  I've already spent the money and I don't have it to spend again.  So, if a tv show is not willing to right a blank check to try to save my son do I just wait until he dies?  Is that the answer?  It's very frustrating wanting to help, but not knowing how.  I won't even talk to my son when he calls now because I have nothing to offer him.  It's easy to say he can make changes if he wants to, but I have to wonder what I could accomplish with no money, no home and with no one to turn to for help.  He has alienated every person he's close to.  Is it his own fault?  Certainly.  Does it make it any easier for me to see that no one will reach out and help, including me?  Never.

Growing up in an alcholic enviroment is very very dangerous to  a child emotionally and greatly inhibits normal develpment as a female. I know I grew up in that enviroment.My father and my uncles (3 ) were alcholics. My father was the happy drinker.He never tried to harm or kill himself on purpose but he is currently in a nursing home after suffering from a stroke. My uncles drank themselves to death, one uncle who lived in Atlanta ws in his house dead for 3 days.My uncle in DC drank up to the day he died of kidney failure in the hospital. As  a child I took care of my sister as if she ws my daughter, couldn't join the cheerleadin squad or any activity that took place after school because I needed to walk my sister home,help her with her home wrk , cook dinner , clean house, and on my fathers pay days ( he ws a vocational school teacher) ride my bike to his hang outs where he drank and gambled (poker) to get money to take back to my grandmother until she passed ,after then take it to my aunt who were our gaurdians.My sister ws luckier than I she ws able to move with an aunt out state. I had to stay here to take care of dad. Our mother ws institutionalized when I was about 5 my  sister ws just a few mnths old,(I am 5 yrs older than  her),she ws unable to handle his drinking,gambling and womenizing had a brk dwn and ried to kill him.Because of  her mental state she did not have to serve time.She healed and retired as a special ed teacher just a few yrs ago.My sister now lives in Atlanta with her family.But we have an agreement she takes care of our mother ,I take care of my father.With alcohol you never stop policing your parent.I am 53 with a 20 yr old daughter. She does not have to police her parents (even though we are divorced). Dr.Phil, save the children.