Quote From: terrazas1I am Mia the current wife. I first want to say my heart goes out to Enrique and Selina and everyone else involved. I dont feel it is my place to tell my husband how to feel about this devastating mess. I suggested the possibility that Selina was not his daughter only after weeks of praying and discussing the topic with my daughter. I had my suspicions in the beginning but chose not to voice them. It was my daughter who talked me in to discussing this with my husband. As my very wise daughter pointed out; Selina needs to know her medical history and her ethnical background, at a minimum. I have never participated in tearing anyones family apart. I have compassion and pray for everyone in this situation to find some peace and yes, that includes Maria and the children. Its my firm believe and wish that Selina should have a trust fund and any child support money should go into that fund for her to do with as she chooses when she turns 18. Ill stand by that!
Honesty is the best policy... I pray healing y'all's ways from Maria's lie for all, including her, and especially for Selina and her sister. My first thought is Emotional and Life Skill Education K-12 DAILY classes of age appropriate topics since parents cannot teach what they have not learned... To avoid THE CYCLE of dishonesty and inappropriate behavior etc. To teach consequences and responsibility for choices. Life is like economics: CHOICE. Enough bad choices can lead to personal emotional and/or financial bankruptcy; often with far reaching implications involving others and society as a whole.
That's why fornication even is considered a mistake in the Bible because the natural consequence of sex, less artificial means, are children and if not a good time for a child's arrival can cause a world of harm to child. The fourth R needed in schools is respect for self and others "and" for people to learn that sex is REPRODUCTION and not something to toy with in fornication or adultery or even if married IF child won't be received with smiles all around. Sex IS NOT first and foremost benign ENTERTAINMENT... sex is REPRODUCTION first and foremost. REPRODUCTION has been transformed into entertainment not by nature and by people playing around with nature. Sigmund Freud said suppressed emotions can lead to frantic desires. I believe since often times men and women don't grow up learning how to just hug, or be friends, that they both don't know what to deal with feelings for one another. Again, why we need Emotional and Life Skill Education DAILY classes K-12 because everyone needs to get real that we need to develop our EQ as much as our IQ. Having children is not a right per se'; having children is a responsibility and a privilege earned being responsible.
Enrique mentioned Maria breaking two of the TEN COMMANDMENTS. Everybody gets their scriptures in a twist over THE TEN COMMANDMENTS' THOU SHALT NOTS so in New Testament it was simplified in GOLDEN RULE "To do unto others as you'd have others do unto you," Matthew 7:12. As a natural consequence of practicing THE GOLDEN RULE you'd then likely obey THE TEN COMMANDMENTS. The Bible is considered the BOOK OF TRUTH that has been held up in courts of law for persons to promise to TELL THE TRUTH. As Enrique said, there are two commandments Maria's adulterous affair broke, second being lying about Selina being his daughter. This is why those commandments are there because of the immense damage that can ensue when one or two or more or all are, or any, are broken. The reason for divorce is most times rooted in dishonesty on some level at its core. Divorce is considered not an ideal situation, as a rule, because of the fallout on children such as predators exploiting children of divorce etc.
Selina IS, of course, the one hurt most by Maria's lie. Yet, "Honesty IS the best policy," John 4:24. I believe that Maria should have told Enrique and the judge that the child support for Selina isn't required for him to still see his younger daughter. Maria stepping up to the plate of honesty might have resulted in Enrique not feeling exploited by Maria. However, learning that Enrique is a doctor I think he should have known to seek counseling for himself and his daughters on how to approach both his youngest and older daughter about Maria's lie. However, people are not perfect, and to white wash over Maria's inappropriate conduct that led to all this is not the answer either and Dr. Phil acknowledged Maria began all this yet said, too, that children come before money.
So, is honesty the best policy for immigrating and remaining in USA? Is honesty the best policy when filling out a birth certificate? Is honesty the best policy to tell a ten year old about WHY her dad is devastated and going through a grieving process of his own so might not be acting like himself? YES. Maybe not explicit details yet, "Selina, I lied to your dad about something very important and it is because of my lie that your father isn't acting like himself." I think the BIGGER message everyone needs to grasp from all of this is HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY. A pastor of a church recently said, "For forgiveness there must be repentance." Which brings us full circle to Matthew 6:9-15 and Dr. Phil's Life Law #9. Maria and Enrique went from defensive to both being remorseful for pain caused to Selina. The money that both Maria and Selina say matters most to Enrique I think their actions are saying matter more to them than Enrique. However, I think Selina is basing her worth on child support since her mother is.
I applaud Carnell Smith's "Man4Justice" and feel that he held his own with Gloria Allred who seems to be projecting her aggravation for dead beat biological dads onto Enrique and Carnell Smith. I think the person who should step up to the plate, financially, for Selina is the biological dad. I don't think Enrique feeling he's not responsible financially means he doesn't love Selina and it just is what it IS. A VERY bad situation that Maria put herself, Enrique, their oldest daughter and Selina into leading to a grieving process for all concerned. People don't always act rationally when grieving whether an adult or a child so major decisions are discouraged during first six months of a shocking event. Enrique isn't Selina's biological dad through no fault of either Selina or him.
Dr. Phil talks with the importance of forgiveness in Life Law #9. Mistakes with true remorse we are asked to forgive as we ask God to forgive us, in Matthew 6:9-15 and Yom Kippur and Shia Day of Atonement etc. And, also, God says to leave vengeance to God when person who hurt us isn't remorseful or when their remorse doesn't seem to be enough to heal. Time will heal the best it can. Un-forgiveness erodes a person's peace of mind.
Yet, even after forgiveness, it is the biological dad who is responsible financially for Selina that I feel both Maria and Selina should pursue for child support in the future and for biological dad to repay Enrique as well. Otherwise, it will always be a sore spot with Selina caught in the middle through no fault of her's or Enrique's. Enrique and men are entitled to their feelings, too. Maria and Selina DO deserve child support yet not from Enrique. I believe forgery on government documents like birth certificates can be as much as a $10,000 fine with possibility of imprisonment too since a federal offense, figuratively and literally. Maria proved she wasn't perfect. Enrique proved he wasn't perfect in how he handled knowledge of learning of Maria's mistakes. And, guess what, none of us are perfect and we all make our own personalized mistakes.
Unless, and until, people no longer skate by after being dishonest we ARE teaching children "dishonesty is the best policy" and everyone should look the other way. NO! Dishonesty IS NOT the best policy and "honesty is still the best policy" for men and women. I think shame "and" accountability serves a purpose to deter persons from repeating detrimental behavior "and" deter others who see dire consequences of others being dishonest... So the cycle of "dishonesty is the best policy" and looking the other way ends. Rationalizing is just that rationalizing. Selina is a beautiful young lady and the positive of all this and only responsible for her actions not her parents. Yet, nonetheless, for better or worse, Selina is dealing with the fallout of Maria's lie which is why we come to full circle "honesty is the best policy". Honestly, REPRODUCTION is not ENTERTAINMENT or something to be toyed with because beautiful children, like Selina, need and deserve a loving, stable home, where "honesty is the best policy" from day one between parents. Emotional and Life Skill Education K-12 DAILY classes need to be in schools to teach children what their parents have not learned to end detrimental cycles of behavior and poor choice making. Because an EQ is as important as an IQ. And common sense is becoming less and less common all the time. Common sense says to not have sex with someone else while still married then lie on birth certificate who the father is... SEX isn't entertainment it is reproduction with unborn innocent lives at stake!!! Life is for keeps and there are rarely oopsies and overs and that is why our lives depend on using common sense and making choices, we'd want to autograph, to last a life time. A good rule of thumb is: If you'd be embarrassed for anyone else to know...don't do it as you will have to live through it. Often the innocent have to live through it too...
(Original Air Date: 10/29/07) Fraud. lies. conspiracy. They may sound like the latest Washington scandal, but these are allegations of exes at war over child support. Dr. Phil's guests claim they became victims of the perfect crime when they were led to believe they fathered a child that was not biologically their own and were forced to pay. First up, Enrique says he was shocked and angered to discover he was not the father of his youngest daughter, Selina, and that she was conceived during his ex-wife, Maria's, adulterous affair. Maria says he raised Selina but then abandoned her to save money. Why does Maria say Enrique's current wife is to blame for the fractured relationship? Next, 13-year-old Selina speaks one on one with Dr. Phil. Will she decide to let the man she once called Daddy back in her life? Then, Carnell Smith, who uses the online moniker, "Man4Justice," suffered a similar fate to Enrique, and but he fought and won. He says he's tired of seeing women trap men and get away with it. A heated debate ensues between him and feminist attorney, Gloria Allred, who argues that men like Enrique should continue to act as the father ... and continue paying! Talk about the show here.
