Topic : 12/25 Parent Trap

           I just read the boards again and I see that a lot of people are being victims on both sides of

           this issue.  Over 3,300 people have responded on this subject.  Over half have been victim in

           one way or another.  Why doesn't the Dr. Phil show(On a follow up) start to let some of the

           politicians(We have an Presidential Election Next Year) know how much of a hot bed issue

           this is.  The one common goal everyone has is something need to be done.  I am willing to

           work on this in California.  Is there anyone else who feel the same way?

           The Web Address for ACES has been change.  It is www. childsupport-aces.org

       I can explain a little of it.  I am not a lawyer but, I am getting very educated in the subject.

       It Sounds like he is being caught up in UREAS act.   A Child Support case is open in the

       State where the Child resides.  From that point(Once the case has been opened), The

       state where the case has been opened has control.  So even though California says that

       a Parenity test can be given at anytime while the parent is paying support, they would go off

       of Colorado's laws because that is where the child resides.  If your son's Ex moves to another

       state, then she would have to open up another case and go by their laws.  He can watch to

       see if she moves.  Or he can move to Colorado and keep fighting.  I know the choices stink but

       he will have to get a lawyer to see what his options are.  UREAS Act is the federal law that

       allows states to go after Non-Custodial parents whom aren't paying Child Support.  Before

       this act was put into effect, Any time Non-Custodial parents didn't want to pay support, they

       would just have to move to another state and they would be free(in the cases where the child

       was really theirs.)  In the state of California, they have an On-line system where you can ask

       questions about the laws.  Have your son do a seach to the DCSS office in his area and he

       should find the office from there.  Good Luck!

     You are right.  The system is broken.   It does need to be fixed.  You said what are we to think of

     a women who systematicaly lies to children and then to the court system to commit the perfect theft

     and still tries to garnish wages for a non- biological son or child?  The same thing we think of a

     Non-Custodial Parent  whom knows they have father a child and won't pay child support.  The same

     thing we think of a mother whom has been order to pay child support and doesn't.  People need to

     realize that when the politians talk about where are tax dollars go, a very large amount goes to

     families whom would not be on welfare or other social services programs if the Non-Custodidal

     parents did their part.(I do very much exclude the people whom are saying they are wronged by

     fraud and the ones where they are not parents to the child. I don't want to insult someone if they

     are .)  The one thing both cases have in common is they are both abusing the children

     and they are both commiting fraud(in my opinion).

" 2.  Out of everyone in the United States whom is a single parent, only 20%(You can check this with your

     DCSS(Department of Child Support Services) of the parent who have a child support order are 

      recieving the court ordered support from the non-custidial parent.  That means that 80% of the 

      parents who have court order child support are not recieving it.  You can go to an website called

      ACES(Association of Child Support Enforcement) to learn about it's founder and how she changed

      the laws to where they are now.  WWW. ACES.org"

ACES did not indicate 20% payment from non custodials. Or, I did not click on the link indicating this. But most states listed under their CS resources, are well under 50%. Please do not take this in a defensive way, that is not the intent. We all need to work together to help fix the problems. And there are many.

 I do agree with you, the system is very broken. And many parents ARE paying support and it is not being adjusted correctly in the system. Big media event a few weeks ago about a state employee bringing this out in the open. She found many discrepencies throughout her states records. Fathers who were paying support and it was not getting to the CP. She also found many overpayments, but NCP was still found to be in default.

I have to wonder if this situation were reversed, if Selena's mother would pay the support under these circumstances. Another very disturbing point is, this woman has tainted other mothers, just like one bad dad makes every dad a 'deadbeat.'  Many dads are just 'conveniently removed' from any access to their child and this result just adds to the non payment issues.

And the father in New Mexico who paid support for 5 years on a child who did not exsist.

The really sad bit of this show that I found was that the poor dad was copping alot of flack about leaving the daughter, and that the daughter blames the man she calls dad for leaving but not once that i saw did she say anything about the mum lying about paternity .  Yeah sure I can understand why he doesn't want to pay child support -  Not his child why should he pay but I have 2 children from a previous relationship whos natural father doesnt have anything to do with them and I have always instilled into them that your dad is not the one whos genes you come from but the man who has bought you up and given you love and been there for you.  They know who their biological father is and they call him either father or by his name but dad is their stepfather who has raised them.  This is the thing I dont understand about this case , the man who brought up the girl, showed her love, taught her right from wrong just gave her up because she is not from his dna.  I really dont understand it.  The other thing I dont understand is why the daughter isnt angry with her mum for lying all those years.  I am sure if she had been honest from the start things would not have got this out of control.    As usual it is the child who wrongfully suffers for adult mistakes.

I just saw this show on Australian tv today and i'm discusted in both partys.  I am a child from a broken family and i lived with my father and my step mother cause my mother didn't want the responsibility and i personally believe that the man who raised her for the first 11 years or so of her life should know that he has been a major part of her life and that whether he was the father or not he should have known that she considered him as her "dad".  So when he found out he wasn't the dad he shouldn't have abandoned her like that.  He should have stuck to his bond with her and played that role anyway for "the childs needs" even if he was feeling angry and confused.  My mother had visitational rights to see me however i still classed the woman who raised me, (my step mother) to be my mother my whole life.  Of cause every child likes to no who their biological parents are but there is more to parenting than just bio chemistry!!!

I am just as deeply discusted in the mother for so cunningly keeping that secret for all that time!!!  She took wedding vows and i am a firm believer of being faithful or taking responsibility for your actions and she is just as responsible for these actions.  The child and the so called father had a right to know the truth so she is just as much to blame for all the hurt and anger caused upon both the child and her ex husband.  THAT'S NOT BEING A GOOD  MOTHER!  No child likes to be lied to believe me!  My mother was just like you and cheated on my father during their marriage however i firmly believe that if i was to find out that my dad was not my father it wouldn't make a difference to me cause he raised me and loved me as if i was his own and thats all that matters in reality to a child and thats what being a parent is about!  I have grown up now and lived and learnt from my family situation, you as a mother wanna hope your daughter gets through this whole mess and forgives you both cause what you've done is a pretty bad thing.  It IS all about whats best for the child and the child should have known from the start who her father was and been given the chance to make decisions for herself as to whether or not she gets to know him even tho she has a father figure in her life. 

As for the child support, i believe he shouldn't have to pay it seein as he is NOT the father however if he loves the girl then he should support her by being there for her STILL and if you want to then freely paying support is an option, but not to the mother but paying for things for the child such as school fees or buying her clothes the kind of thing that will ONLY benefit the daughter.  NO ONE should have to pay for somebody elses mistakes and so the mother now needs to take the responsibility and if she wants child support FIND the father and ask him.

Dr phill your right when you say adult problems SHOULD NOT become the childs.  They are not emotionally equiped nor do they have the life experience at that stage to deal with issues such as child support and deception to marriage vows.  I hope alot of people out there learn from this and do the right thing by their husbands and children.  Deception to a child like this will never be forgotten by the child and will scar the child for the rest of thier life.