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Topic : 12/25 Parent Trap

Number of Replies: 3786
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Created on : Friday, October 26, 2007, 02:49:00 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 10/29/07) Fraud. lies. conspiracy. They may sound like the latest Washington scandal, but these are allegations of exes at war over child support. Dr. Phil's guests claim they became victims of the perfect crime when they were led to believe they fathered a child that was not biologically their own and were forced to pay. First up, Enrique says he was shocked and angered to discover he was not the father of his youngest daughter, Selina, and that she was conceived during his ex-wife, Maria's, adulterous affair. Maria says he raised Selina but then abandoned her to save money. Why does Maria say Enrique's current wife is to blame for the fractured relationship? Next, 13-year-old Selina speaks one on one with Dr. Phil. Will she decide to let the man she once called Daddy back in her life? Then, Carnell Smith, who uses the online moniker, "Man4Justice," suffered a similar fate to Enrique, and but he fought and won. He says he's tired of seeing women trap men and get away with it. A heated debate ensues between him and feminist attorney, Gloria Allred, who argues that men like Enrique should continue to act as the father ... and continue paying! Talk about the show here.


Find out what happened on the show.


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October 27, 2007, 7:09 pm CDT

respect yourself

Quote From: tweaked

The fact that a "father" ends of paying for a child who is not his biological offspring should not become incumbant upon the child's welfare.

First, if any couple is separated for ANY length of time, when a child is conceived within the next year, BOTH parents should be in favor of DNA testing so that future problems like this do NOT happen.

IF a child turns out not to belong to the husband, then he and the wife should decide prior to the birth if he's going to stay and actually BE a father, or not... IF he doesn't want to assume the roll of fatherhood, this must be a decision spelled out in legal documents prior to the birth of the child, whether he stays or goes.

Personally I can't imagine ANY man staying in a relationship wherein he knows he's not the father of a child, and making the child suffer for the father's failure to learn, and the mother's failure to have DNA testing done for herself.

Relationships are SUPPOSED to be based on honesty!

Having said that, I can't imagine a father staying in a relationship with a woman who is carrying another man's child without wanting to assume responsibility for that child, unless the real biological father is willing to step forward and assume rsponsibility, which (let's face it) most are too cowardly to do.

IF the biological father is upstanding, and wishes to pay support, and even to play a roll in the child's future, then the husband should be man enough to accept a 3rd person tied to the family, and be grateful enough for the additional income to be civil about the entire matter.

But in THIS instance - to learn after a time he's NOT the father, and then sever ties with the child - it's totally unfair to the child.

A child is so fragile. I can't blame this child for being slow to want this man back in her life. How can she know he won't always throw this in her face when she doesn't obey everythng he wants her to do, for the rest of her life?

She can't... And most men are too immature to NOT throw this in her face, for years to come.

Three wrongs will never make a right, or fill the void that this immature father's previous actions created in the life of that innocent child. She is probably better off without him, and he is probably too immature to not use her biological DNA against her at a later point in time.

If she decides to accept him again, she must do it realizing he is flawed, and may never live up to her expectations.

He, on the other hand, must come to grips with the situation, and love her enough to never throw this in her face, no matter how frustrated he may become with her in the future.

Personally, if she allows him back in her life, I think he's lucky. And it shows that as a child she's a lot more mature than he was, when he took his spite against her mother out on her.

All the more reason for using protection during separations, and to ALWAYS have DNA testing when a pregnancy occurs shortly thereafter. Had this been the way these two adults handled this matter, the child would never have had to be subjected to this dysfunctional family problem.
you missed one thing....cheating should not be a option when you marry,  so if you respect yourself you will not cheat!  For those who do mess up doing the right thing and telling your spouse when it happens might be a hard thing to do but it is the right thing to do...children wont have to deal with these lies later in life if the grownups act like grownups
 
October 27, 2007, 7:18 pm CDT

thank god I'm not alone

Quote From: rainbowca

As a women it amazes me how women treat the fathers of their children.  When they lie to the men as to who is the father they are also lying to their children.  As a stepmother to an 18 year old son who's mother tried to deny my husband his rights to his son for 18 years including stating he wasn't his in hopes he would go away I have seen the pain these women cause for both the children and their fathers.  In our case he is much closer to his father than his mother......these women should not be able to force the wrong father to support the child.   The child support system allows there women to play games with these men and in some cases put great financial stress on their lives because of their immoral acts

It is nice to see women who have a conscience...I know its hard some time but the children will turn out better if the parents try the best they can to get along. I speak from experience I have a 7 year old and dont get support but I never get in the way of my sons relationship with his father and some day my son will be a fine young man knowing we tried our best for his sake.
 
October 27, 2007, 9:20 pm CDT

Who's Being Cheated?

The woman cheated on her husband, the husband got slammed double with an adulterous wife and a child presented to him falsely, and now the child is being cheated on because momma wants to use her as a pawn in the divorce support game.  Mom's lost all integrity, dad's lost money, but who's paying the biggest price....daughter!  She's being forced by momma to look at her 'dad' with dollar signs in her eyes and miss seeing the 'dad' who loves her.  The relationship between father and daughter could have continued in a very loving manner if momma hadn't wanted to make him pay child support for a child he did not father.  He's daddy but  If all momma wants is money, then let her find bio father and leave her daughter out of it!

 
October 27, 2007, 9:23 pm CDT

The Truth about lies...

The mom is to blame for the fractured relationship and this whole sitution is her fault. How dare she blame it on the current wife? She needs to take responsibiity for the lies and hurt she caused. Actions always have consequences and one day the child will understand that she was used as a pawn for mommy to get money. She's caused the poor child a lifetime of hurt and struggle. It's even more unfortunate that she chooses to perpetuate that hurt and make the ex-husband pay for her cheating. Have some pride for a change and stop being so selfish. Being a women to me means taking responsibility for my actions and making choices that don't have a negative impact on others. Karma, my dear lady, will always get you in the end.
 
October 27, 2007, 10:26 pm CDT

Parent Trap

This is one of those things that women (not all) do that infuriates me to no end. If the man is not the father then he should not have to pay child support.  Now if he decided to adopt the child then yes...because at that point he is legally saying he is willing to be responsible for the child.

 

For the father to walk on on the child makes me upset...I can see how one would be hurt and confused so I can understand some distance...but the reality is it is not the child's fault. It is the mother's.  Place the blame on her.  Think of the child...the older the child the more hurt and confused the child will be. If you really love the child then her not being "yours" should not make a difference. I am adopted (a little different I know) but I was never considered not "theirs", and having met my birthparents I would never consider my adoptive parents not my parents after all I am who I am because of their love for me.

 

It makes me so mad when women do mean stupid spiteful things like this.  I knew a gal who did this same thing....even had her husband have a vasectomy. When the child was 15 years old she decided to tell him the truth.  Yes they divorced but he never turned his back on the child and he was ordered to pay child support because the judge said he had emotionally accepted the child as his all those years.  Well of course he had...he had been lied to all those years.

 

I suppose one can argue... you do what is best for the child, after all you contributed financial support to the child while you were married.  In my heart I believe it is wrong for the woman to go after child support from a father that didn't know the child was not his until they were divorcing. 

 

If he knew from the very begining I would stand by this.  I realize the man stood by for x number of years, he helped raise the child, contributed both financially and emotionally to the care of the child, but he is not the birthfather, go after the birthfather. 

 

Furthermore if this man truly cared for the child then he would pay some type of child support but I do not believe he should be forced to do so. 

 
October 27, 2007, 11:34 pm CDT

The child shouldn't have to pay for the sins of the mother.

Quote From: justbehonest

Yea, where is the bio dad "creep" in all this? Slavery went out a long time ago. Why should a man be forced to pay after he's been cheated by the women? Who can respect anyone (Gloria or Maria) that would support a lie? Liars have no respect for anyone and therefore are incapable of forming bonds with others. In this case it's sad that the mother would put that on her own child....these women are ruining our country and need to be stopped immediately!

It saddens me that mothers do this to their children. Why lie, it is better for all to be honest.

 

I don't feel the man should have to pay for a child that isn't his, unless he was aware prior to the child being born, that he wasn't the father and chose to stay.

 

I feel the child is the one who pays in the long run, they grow up being told this is your dad and then finds out later that he isn't, how emotional will that be for them. The man on the other hand, when he finds out, has to have some kind of resentment towards the mother, the resentment will fall on the child in some form or another, it's human nature.   

 

You can't make someone love you, and that includes fathers who have been lied to. Why make them end up hating the child by forcing a financial burden on them.

 

The mother should be held responsible, financially. It should be her responsibility to also find the "real" father to provide financially and give him the option of getting to know his child.

 

The courts, should side with the father in these cases. With the mother being held accountable. 

 
October 28, 2007, 1:29 am CDT

What are some of you women thinking?

I don't know why you would want to hurt the good men out there. You should be glad they stuck around long enough to help you out. When I was 15 I got pregnant because of some emotional issues that came up. When my daughter was four months old he walked out on us. Yes we were kids and yes I did have to rely on my family and I could not thank them enough. I chose not to ask for child support until I was 19 years of age. I did receive that support for about 6 months but then it stopped all together. He stopped paying June of 2006. He is expecting his third child any day now. And, go figure the state of pennsylvania cannot find him. The public assistance office is trying to cut our medical and I have no idea what I am going to do. I am currently taking medication for depression and anxiety and it's so dang painful to think about. I went 9 years without meds and now I am facing this wrap about again. I suppose I chose this mess but, my daughter she deserves so much more than this mess. I know that all the love I give her is what she needs but, I cannot help but feel it will never be enough. I work every chance I get my days off, doubles, even an hour of so of someone calling off. I just don't get why those of you out there that would take advantage of someone so great and have the gaul to just think it's owed to you.  It is owed to you but you have to just do everything possible to take care of your children or child. I have indeed learned from my mistake. I know that I am emotionally unavailable to give a man any man what they deserve. I am still trying to find myself in this process. Today, I am 22 years of age. I have no idea what I want out of anything in this life. I just want my daughter to be able to walk proud and say that's my mommy without feeling hurt. She is my angel and I could not be the same without her. I just hope there are more of you out there that can see that in yourselves and situations also. I wish all of you the best of luck. May you be blessed in your life and choices.
 
October 28, 2007, 2:24 am CDT

I Can't Say...Yet

I can't in good conscious say too much on this. I will first watch the show Monday, and then form my own thoughts on it, but I will say from what I read that his wife was wrong twice over for having the affair in the first place, and then not confessing up front, and allowing him his feelings about support on the child after the divorce. Maybe if she had left the door open for him to be in the child's life with out the pressure of money hanging over his head, he would have stepped up in the first place on his own.

 

I do not understand where women get the crazy idea that child support is a revenge tool, weapon of choice, or a conditional way to control the father of your child that you say you love. Child Support is a helping hand for the care of that child, but has not a single thing to do with the relationship between a parent and child. That is a total different matter, and one of the heart. I feel that is these women would get their head out of their back sides, and think of their child more than their so call hurt heart, They will find they have did more damage to their child than any father can to his child. For the lack of a father in a young lady's life is what makes a well adjusted woman, and a person forever looking for a loving male in the wrong places and wrong ways.

 

 
October 28, 2007, 3:36 am CDT

Parent Trap

I have seen it myself with my husband of 25 years, it happened to him too. His brother was married, the girl slept with both him, his brother and another guy. Who got the blame my husband. Then I saw it with another girlfriend he had. She had three kids and he thought the first was his, the second he found out was his best friends and the third was a 16 year old kid who she had slept with. She left town before we could get her to take a paternity test on the first one. She wanted welfare. I wasn't married to my husband before all of this, we were just friends, and I was just livid. He is still blamed for the first one because she was pregnant with his brothers kids when he went to court and she threatened his brother that if he went into court and said anything he would never see his child, they married years later and ended up with a total of five kids. Now you tell me. Why do you think that I believe if a woman has a child it's hers and she is the one who should take care of it. If you have a child out of wedlock, and you don't use birth control and no protection, who then is at fault? THE MAN? Give me a break!
 
October 28, 2007, 6:58 am CDT

Mother to Mother.

Quote From: patrica

i feel bad for these guys. my son is going through something like this only he is the dad and the mother wont let him see the boy because she is married to someone else and he thinks the boy is his. we don't know what to do about this. she said for two years that she was going to leave the husband but when the time come she changes her mind. My son was only 17 when they where together and she was suppose  to be his counselor. I wish  i knew what to do for him. he really love his son and he wants to be a dad. He had a really hard life and when the boy was born he had a reason to live again. i would like to know if anyone has had the same problem before.thanks for any advise

Hi there

 

First, my red light came on when you said.. "my son was only 17 and when they were together and she was suppose to be his counselor"...

 

I am guessing, that she works or did work at a High School or a Counseling Office.. This is totally Wrong . totally unprofessional and depending on your State you live in, I am guessing it's against the Law.. There are codes of Ethics and also Laws pertaining to Minor/Adults...

 

And then the bottom line, this Lady is mentally sick. Thats a given..

 

As for you Son, I am guessing that you two have talked in detail about what his responsibility's are or should be, if he is this child's Father. He is looking at paying child support, covering health care and half of the expenses along with the responsibility's of being a "DAD"...

It sounds like you two have talked about this and his is "willing' to do his share..

 

But, this is not cut and dry case..

 

My advice.. is you two need to hire an attorney. A good attorney will file a petition to the court to Order blood test and then after the results are in, if your Son is the Father, then Visitation and Child Support and the other normal issue will be decided.

 

However, with the fact that this Women had sex with a Minor and she was his Councilor at the time.. I think this is going to be a Mess and a Fight...

 

And the fact of the matter, this Women is mental Ill.. I would fight for full custody of this child if I was your Son or giving advice to your Son..

 

But, first step is to hire a good attorney and go from there.

 

Wish your Son the best of luck and also hoping you get to me a Grandma to this little one..

 

Dianah

 

 
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