Topic : 12/25 Parent Trap

It is so unfair that in our society today that we have issues that hurt the children like they do. We are a society with loose moral values with people who believe it is okay to put the blame on some one else. I have several things I want to say here..

 

To the mother of this young daughter.. Shame on you . It is horrible on what you had done to  your daughter as well as to Enrique who you were married to. You lied to both of them by first not being truthful to your husband and then not being truthful to your child when you knew you were pregnant and how important it is to know who her real father is as well as keeping the real father away from his own child. Did you ever consider how much you have hurt your daughter on this issue. To have been married and cheat on your spouse is not right in God's Eyes. You need to do the right thing and go after the real father and let your ex have a relationship with the daughter BUT put the financial responsibility on to the right person. Why did you not go after the real father for the money?You really  need to rethink your stand for as a person of real faith  you would do the right thing and not continue on the path of a lie to obtain money from the wrong father.

 

To Enrique..I disagree with the way you have told this loving child she was not your biological child. It causes emotional issues with the child and trust is something that will come hard for this child. My feelings are saddness are with you that you have just found out you were not the father and to be held responsible. Do not with hold the love from this young gal as she has only known you but one thing you can do for her is to help her find her real biological father.

 

About the law for child support.. I believe that there should be a law placed in our court system for protection of child support. I have seen way to many talk shows where they do nothing but paternity tests to find out that more than not the father being tested was not the father and that there were others to be tested. I think that it should be placed that at the time that the Father finds out that the child is not the biological parent through a DNA test whether it be 1 year up to 20 years that it is at that time the father who is being forced to pay the support should stop and the real father to be found. This is a sad society we live in where a woman can hold any male resposible as the father of their child knowing that they were not a faithful person to the man they are with at the moment. This is a blemish on our society where one can lie and make someone pay for something that is not their doing. I am tired of hearing that stupid saying " It takes a village to raise a child" it takes a parent who had the child to raise them with the proper values and morals. They should be guiding them in the right things to do and also to take resposibility for their wrong doing. Go after the real father of a child and not just finger point some one because they are there.

 

I cannot believe Gloria Allred. I have been on both sides of this situation but with different circumstances. My ex and I planned both our sons, but by the time our second was born, he decided that he wanted a divorce. He left us in a most heinous way (I was totally blindsided). He started to say that our youngest wasn't his. I guess he expected me to fall apart and back down. We got a paternity test and sure enough, he was proven the father without a doubt. He had sent me out of the state we lived in under the pretense that he would come down with the rest of our things 3 weeks later. He never came. He was seeing my good friend and married her 3 days after our divorce. He has made next to no effort to see his sons over the 13 years since the divorce.

 

I remarried - a wonderful man who has NEVER referred to them as his stepchildren. They are his in his eyes. BUT... I got court ordered child support and he has had to pay all this time. That is the right thing. He should have to pay for children that were planned and conceived in (what I thought was) love.

 

ON THE FLIP SIDE: My dad is not my little brother's biological dad. He was conceived when my mom and dad were separated. My dad didn't care that he wasn't his... he wanted my mom back. She came back, had my brother and she and my dad agreed they wanted his name on the birth certificate. After several years, they divorced. My mom got child support but my dad wouldn't pay. His new wife didn't want him to. They went to the court and the judge told my dad "Too bad; you agreed that he was your child and knowing that he wasn't, had your name put on the birth certificate." Again, a right decision.

 

My husband was married to a woman that had a daughter by another man before they were married. The birth father was in and out of prison. She wanted my husband to adopt. He did. As soon as the papers were final, he found out she was cheating. They got a divorce and the mother poisoned the girl against my husband, so he never saw her again. He paid child support for 6 years for a child he did not father and wasn't allowed to see. It would have been different if he was able to see her. Wrong decision.

 

If a father is denied the right to see his child just because the mother has an attitude problem or is vindictive and NOT because he has abused the child or broken a law that would prevent visitation; he should NOT be required to pay. Child support is intended to support children who have been victimized by divorce - so they have the things they need... but it is also supposed to be figured by the percentage of the custody arrangement. No see, no pay. This gives the parent who is withholding the child incentive to give the child the benefit of the other parent. It is not all black and white - one size fits all. All circumstances of a divorce should be considered before an order of support is made.

 

AND - DNA tests should be performed as soon as the baby is born... this benefits ALL concerned. The father is not deceived, no hospital baby mix-ups, if the child is not the child of the supposed father, they will have the benefit of knowing about inherited defects/diseases. This would also make people more accountable for their actions. Bad choices should beget appropriate consequences. Even though I am a woman and believe the child should be the first consideration - prevention is key in averting disasters in the life of ones like my brother and Selena. I totally side with the father who has become an advocate for wrongly "pegged" fathers. He is completely correct that men who have an attachment (as well as the child) should still be allowed a relationship, but without having to pay for it.

as much as i feel for the child, i do not for any reason see why the man should be held responsible for child support on a kid that is not his.  could she have been told in a better way? sure but what is the 'proper' way to tell a kid 'by the way, your mom cheated on me and even though i love you, the truth is, someone else is your dad'? there is no right way.  i also feel like she should have to pay him back, mainly because she knew in the first place.  women like that give good women a bad name, it is no wonder it is so hard for us to find good men, they are scared!!!

my boyfriend has a child that was the product of a very short lived relationship when he was stationed overseas, loves the child to death but the mom has decided to tell the boy that he is dead, my boyfriend has served 2 tours in Iraq and that is the story she is telling the boy, that he died in Iraq.  HOWEVER, she has no problem cashing the child support check every month! he wants to see his son but at the same time he is torn at how this would affect the child, how would he view his mom for telling such a crazy story.  we feel that even though it hurts my boyfriend it would hurt the boy more and hopefully when he is grown we can work on a relationship of sorts without pointing fingers. in the meantime, i am the one that has to deal with a very upset man that misses his child and cannot do anything about it.  my point is, you cannot have it both ways, and you sure as h*ll cannot lie and make someone responsible for a child that is not his and then sit your a$$ on stage and justify it!

The mother is totally responsible in ths situation.

 

Every day, for 10 years, she woke up and chose not tell her daughter (or her husband)  the truth.

 

If her daughter should not trust someone, she should not trust her mother because her mother lied to her every day. She shouldn't trust women- not men-- the man in her life, her father, didn't lie to her--

-----HE TOLD HER THE TRUTH--

and you want to shoot the messenger rather than hold a mother accountable morally, legally, & financially for her actions.

Ironically, the mother trapped him for the child support and now is blaming him for knowing the truth and not paying child support.

 

IT IS ABOUT THE MONEY --ALWAYS IS -- ALWAYS WAS

 

AND I 'm so dispointed in Gloria Albright for setting women's rights back in representing women who lie and want others to literally PAY for their mistakes.

 

I hae a son & a daughter & a brother & lots of family and I've seen this happen ALOT. 

 

WOMEN USE CHILDREN AS PAWNS

 

TELL THE TRUTH UP FRONT so those it affects can decide sooner rather than later.

YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO LIE & THEN CRY ABOUT IT WHEN YOU GET CAUGHT

 I think that woman have worked too hard to become independent of our male counterparts to be

allowed to continue with the scams that we are allowed to pull off. I think that at the birth of every child a woman should be forced by law to list all possible candidates as the Father. Too many woman leave Father blank on the birth certificate and too many woman put the most promising candidate in the Father slot. Mothers have to be held accountable for their actions and too many children are victims of their Mother's incapability to tell the truth . Too many children are born out of affairs and pay for it later in life.

My Mother left the Father space blank and I grew up next door to my Grandparents and I could never understand why they did not love me as a child. As an adult I realize my Mother never asked that man to own up to his responsibilities , so how can I really blame him for her spineless behaviour. Don't get me wrong I love my Mother but she was young and too insecure to make demands of anyone. I think the law needs to dictate what a Mother has to  do , it is the only way we can protect our children from "adult" situations. Living without my Father caused many problems in my life  but it  could have been prevented had my Mother been forced to put his name on my Birth certificate. I understand there are way too many dead beat Dad's out there but I think a Mother that withholds crucial information to a child is much more emotionally damaging than any man that refuses to pay child support! If I lie on my insurance claim I do not get a pay out... so  why is it that if I lied on my son's Birth Certificate and demanded child support of a man I knew may not be the Father there are no repercussions , it does not make sense.

BOY OH BOY DOES THIS CASE SOUND FAMILIAR!!!!!!

My husband and I are going through this right now with his ex fling. We have been going through this for 14 years. The only difference is we did not know where his ex was with the daughter that is claimed to be his. The only time my husband saw this child was when she was 3 months old, until my husband told his ex that it was either him or her husband. She chose her husband and my husband has been paying ever since. So he has never formed a bond with this child. We were willing to let things go until  just this past March she took him in AGAIN for more support. Doubling his support (over $700.00 for one child) because his ex "can not work" so I found her online. We got a lawyer and are pushing for visitation because of course beings he  has paid for so long (we could not find her) the court looks at as a closed case. We have asked her to get a paternity  test and she will not get one, MY HUSBANDS NAME IS NOT EVEN ON THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE. Her husband at the time, his name is on it.The " child " was in an accident and will be getting money from a trust fund type of an account through the courts and HER EX(because she is remarried again)SIGNED AS THE LEGAL PARENT OF THIS SAID CHILD.

So those of you that think this guy is just a joke or it is all made up. BELIEVE me when I say there are real shameless,money hungry wenches out there that will stop at nothing and work the system so well that those fathers that do pay child support are PAYING DEARLY FOR EVERYONE.Sonot only does my husband have to pay for a child that may not be his he also is NOT EVEN ALLOWED VISITATION WITH THE CHILD BECAUSE IT HAS BEEN 14 YEARS AND HE HAS NEVER HAD A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER.Because of course her mother has filled her head with bull crap. So anybody out there that can help just let us know!!!!!!---- Tanya

 

 

"News flash ladies: if a man will quit his job to avoid paying support, the law really can't help you collect.  "

 

I always find this interesting. If someone is willing to go this far, they are more or less resisting based on their beliefs. It is not logical to go without everything in order to fight a system unless you so strongly believe that it's wrong, you are willing to give up everything. This should be an eye opener to most about how horrid that system is. I am sure some are evil, horrid people, but I believe that many more are doing it to fight back against an abusive system the only way they can. Many just give up and shoot themselves.

 

 

These women know what they are doing. They know paternity is questionable yet they say nothing because they see free money. They are lazy and this should be a crime. The courts think men should pay  even if they are not the fathers  because that takes the pressure off the courts to pay.

 What is a parent?  How can a person walk away from a child, both emotionally and financially. 

My daughter unfortunately married a person (divorced now), who would rather ruin his life then to pay child support.  This seems to be the new out look. 

My heart bleeds for the children of people who treat them like a checkbook. 

This man is not a parent.  You know that love of a child is not biological.  Parents do not look at the DNA. ASk any PARENT  that has adopted a child.

I find it hard to call this person a man.  Please Dr. Phil, don't encourage her to look up a sperm donor from 13years ago, just for child support.  This young lady has enough to contend with.  Her mother has to live with the mistake the rest of her life, and the mistake she made by marrying a person who could do such a cruel thing to her daughter.   It did appear that her mother is making life fairly normal for her daughters.

I love this show but today I felt that the first husband in this case was bulllied.  Did he use poor judgement by telling Selina that he was not her father yes.  However, I can only imagine the the sense of betrayal he must have felt when he found out that his wife had an affair and then lied to him.  I felt he had more regret and remorse for his actions then the ex-wife.  

 

Selina's mother was the one who chose to lie and betray her daughter!!!  There was no talk about the emotional effect that she had placed on this child by her lies and deceit.  I infer from this that it was not a pleasant divorce and that the mohter, was only looking out for her financial gain and not the best interest of the child.  This woman came across to me as haughty and aloof and very out for herself and her own interest.  I know that it takes two to make or break a relationship, as my husband and I survived his affair.  I would like to know more as to whether she agreed not to have him pay child support for Selina as long as their father/daughter relationship could continue. 

 

I do not feel any man should have to pay for a child who is not biologically there own unless they chose to do so having all the facts.  I only agree that when emotional bonds are formed as said on the show that money should not be a determining factor in the relationship.  Again it would take both parties putting the child first. 

 

When you have an affair you have to be accountable for your actions, own up to your mistakes and correct them to the best of your ablility.  I saw none of that with Selina's mother.  She hardly showed any remorse or regret at all.  She seemed more apt to blame the new wife for problems she and her husband creatated.  I definately think she should be held more accountable for the abandonment of her daughter, she set the child up for that with her deceitful ways. 

 

I feel for this poor child because I think she has two parents who abandoned her and still does not put  the childs interest first.