Topic : 12/25 Parent Trap

I have just finished watching the Parent Trap episode.. I had to jump on the message board and let everyone know how I feel. I love watching Dr Phil because I love his point of view but this is my first time on the message board. I just got so outraged when these other people got involved and started yelling at the tv for everyone to be quiet.

I can't get over the fact that he didn't take a paternity test sooner.. I mean if he had actually come out and ask his wife AFTER seeing that the child looked like him and she told him lies and THEN he believed her and didn't take a paternity test that would be a different story.. Like the story the man who had been dupped was talking about at the end of the episode.

I don't know the laws.. all I know is why aren't the man who isn't the father and his new wife more concerned about the child.. YES it was wrong that the woman didn't come out and tell him and if she did lie.. which I cannot say because she denies it.. that was completely wrong.. And maybe she did try to dupe him.. but maybe she just made a mistake and didn't want to ruin her marriage over a mistake.

No one outside of their situation can say whether he is lieing or she is but we can clearly see that they both did wrong in the situation... It was wrong for the mother to cheat and not tell her husband.. and it was wrong for the husband to bring his daughter to a park and tell her and then cut her off... BUT it still IS wrong that BOTH OF THEM are more concerned with MONEY than the welfare of their child.. and yes she is his child whether or not she is his biological child... I don't know what they should do about the money and frankly I DON'T CARE what they do about MONEY. MONEY IS NOT IMPORTANT!!!!! Get over the money and get onto the healing and helping the child... She needs her parents... BOTH OF THEM... and no one else should be involved in this situation.. Just this family whether or not the mother and father or still together...

I have a question... What would happen if two people adopted a child and neither one of them was the biological parent.. would it be okay for both of them to stop paying child support and leave the child on their own to support itself.....??? NO!! It would not! They would both be responsible because they ASSUMED responsibility!!! Why punish the child?? This situation is very different from the situation where the woman called her boyfriend and told him he was the father.. they weren't married and he wasn't raising the child as his own.... he was just paying support... and he wasn't supposed to be!!

This is just crazy.. I wish people could silence their personal opinions and listen to the whole situation... BOTH SIDES... and then come to a conclusion about what needs to be done..

(That's my rant for the day)

Aley

I don't believe that men should have to pay child support for kids that are not theirs. If the woman want money, get it from the real dads, and if they are really concerned about the kids, then let the men that they know as dad still be in there life.

I think in this case, it was handled bad, but I do believe dad was dumbstruck as well. I'm sure he felt his life was spinning out of control and he diden't know how to handle it. But to watch the mom sit on t.v. and nod her head like she is so pure  makes me sick. She knew he was not the dad and lied, bottom line. And I wonder how much bad mouthing she did to the girls about what a rotten man he is. Maybe she should put her energy into informing the real dad he has a child. Or who knows, maybe he does know and he is such a sleeze he's happy someone else is footing the bill for his kid. Gee, maybe she has no clue who the real dad is. She needs to figure out how to explain to her kids that she is the one who betrayed the family and caused all of this.

   I paid child support for my son for 16yrs upto the time he turned 18 and I was no longer required by law to pay me ex any longer. I actually enjoyed paying my ordered child support because I knew it was helping my son. I still continued to pay my son money after that I just did'nt call it child support any longer. Its funny how our teenage kids always seem to need something???

   I then met a lady with a 4 yr old girl and we married.  I became her live in father figure for 10 yrs till me and her mother got a divorce. I am still her daddy,,I may not be her blood father, but I am forsure her daddy and that goes without saying. Since the divorce me and my step-daughter still see each other regularily and she still calls me Dad. I never paid any child support for her cause her legal father has always been paying it. But,,I do give her money all the time and still make sure she longs for nothing from a fathers perspective. I offered to pay something aat the time of the divorce, but her mother refused. I am not too sure if she would have been able to make me pay a child support since her legal father has an order in place already to pay child support?

   My problem is with these fathers who do not pay, or complain that they have to pay all the time. They must remember that  this money goes to help the kids. Even if the ex spends it on hair-do's and manicures,,,it helps her out so she has more of her own money to spend on the kids. These complaining or non paying Dads need to figure this out.

I think one line on the show summed it up very well:

DNA can get people released from jail, but can't

get them released from child support.  

How heinous is that?!!     Such a shocking double standard!

As a woman, I think it is a crime that a family matter -

child support - has been criminalized.

With that said, the fact that evidence exonerating someone as

the biological parent of a child does not release them from the

legal obligations that had been foisted upon them is unimaginable.

Emotionally, of course the needs of the child should come first, but

emotional needs are not intrinsicly tied into financial responsibility. 

Financial and emotional issues have always been separate in family court.

IE - paying child support does not guarantee visitation rights to a unfit parent 

AND

not paying child support does not bar visitation rights

The same should apply here.  The father can be legally released

from his financial obligations immediately, but for the sake of the

child should continue to be an integral part of the child's life emotionally.

Hello, this is not rocket science. Let's start at the beginning and consider everyones feelings.

1. Mother is in bad relationship with husband, has affair (done everyday, right or wrong), gets pregnant around the time she is not sure who is the father(she said that), opts to pray for the best and nuture relationship, her and husband try to make marriage work, it does not, he is ordered to pay child support.

2.  Father, in bad relationship, wife is pregnant, in back of mind he should think "may not be mine", he opts to hope for the best, marriage does not work (whose fault was this?), during divorce he decides to question paternity, all for the sake of money, (I don't think so), yes child support along with court ordered insurance takes a big chunk out of a mans check, one good reason to work hard on the marriage.  He should not have to pay child support for her, but as a human being concerned about the child he raised as his daughter he should do whatever he can financially for her-letting her know she can always depend on him.

3. Child, not at fault, totally the victim here, hopefully she will be able to form a trusting relationship with the only real father she has known. Adults need to suck it up, mom admit you were adulterous, and made a mistake.  Dad, you made bigger mistake, taking your frustrations out on child.  Deal with the consequences.

4.Biological dad-mom find him, get support, let child know who her real father is, his family and history, relationship optional.

5. Step-father-good job, being supportive, no need to adopt, she has enough dads.

6. Fathers new wife-you are making this situation worse, find out why this first marriage didn't work, focus on that, let husband be responsible to the family he had before you.  This is not about money.