Topic : 12/25 Parent Trap

I understand the father being upset - but when are we as adult going to stop thinking about ourselves and start thinking about the well-being of our children. You do not have to have matching DNA to be a father - he raised Selina has his own for 9 years and because another woman questions the paternity does that no longer make him the father. NO. Regardless, of the DNA - he was and is her father.  Yes, what the mother did was and is wrong - and she made a terrible mistake - I believe she made the best choice as obviously the biological father would not be a good father.

 

 

Although I think when Enrique abandoned his daughter upon learning she was not his and maybe he handled telling her too hasty and in the wrong way this was truly his ex-wifes fault. First of all SHE is the one who had the affair doing what I think is the worst thing to do to a spouse but SHE lied about the paternity of her daughter. Where is the anger from her daughter for her also. I understand this child is the real victum here. I don't believe he should pay child support for her. I do believe he should be allowed to continue to have a relationship with her and should want to. In a perfect world he would have approached this differently, his wife should have been truthful the first time he asked her if he was the father, the child support should have been made whole, and he should have been allowed and wanted continued visitation with his daughter in every other way. The mother should have to pay back all of the child support and then she could TRY  to go after back child support from the biological father. My hats off to the gentleman who changed the law in Georgia and the attornety fighting for men who are being made victims in this whole support issue. There are too many dead beat dads to go after out there that should be paying child support. What do you want to bet that the biological father was told years ago he was a father and the decision was made to keep quiet by them both which means he has avoided responsibility all these year. Let Gloria Alrid go after REAL dead beat dads. She can hear herself talk over them and build herself up doing that. Obvioulsy she needs to do that since she always talks so loud and charismatic and often about nothing.

In today's world, I think it is ignorant of a lawyer to argue a point of statistics on the number of men who are behind on child support.  As the aunt of a little boy whose biological mom takes NO responsibility for him, I have to say, I find the lawyer's views biased, and uneven.  She seems to be blind to the fact that just as many woman are responsible for paternity/child support issues as men!  There is no excuse for letting a man believe he is the child of a father, if there is even a fraction of a percent of doubt in your mind....this leads me to wonder, why doesn't she find the real dad?  Does she know he's a dead-beat who wont pay, so she is going after a man she knows has money?????

I believe the key here is that the wife, way back when, should have told the husband that the paternity of her pregnancy was in question.  This would have given the husband the choice of committing to the child or not, and based on what I saw on the show, he would have accepted the child and would have been her forever-father.

 

While not right as an adult and a parent, the husband was devastated by the manipulation of his ex wife and took it out on the child.

 

That was the past.  Now, the right solution - take money out of the equation.   The right thing for all concerned is for the husband to maintain the relationship with the daughter... isn't that the bottom line?

 

 If the husband did accept the child as his own (if his wife had told him about the parentage when she was pregnant), he would have paid child support when they divorced.  If the husband did not accept the child as his own, then the biological father would have had to pay child support all these years.   Now, the husband knows the truth and is getting to make the decision about his acceptance of the financial responsiblity... and he's angry so he chooses not to support her.  Fine, then the biological father should provide the support and the husband should reestablish emotional support.

 

Thank you so much for allowing me the opportunity to document my opinion... I was watching the show and almost bursting with wanting to be heard.

Bottom line, we all know the mother holds the full blame for this whole predicament.  The new wife doesn't care about anything but the bank account.  She needs to get over it and all focus should be on both of these girls.  Selina is not the only child affected by this.  The other daughter has to wonder when dad may kick her to the curb.  This was not discussed but should be.  Enrique gained alot by all of this.  Two beautiful girls who loved him.  He would have been the man that was the mold these girls looked for in a husband.  He's the one who would get to walk them down the aisle and have Christmases, Thanksgivings, Easters...  Unfortunately he married two very selfish women.  He lost as well as those beautiful girls.  He's just stupid.  The girls are truly innocent and need focus returned to them. 

 

The jerk who thinks all men are innocent.  He was tricked.  Well he allowed it 'cause he couldn't keep it in his pants.  Now he wants repayment for being stupid.  No, the woman shouldn't gain from this but men coninue to be stupid and allow women the power.  Guess what?  Those men wouldn't have to wonder if they truly knew who they were sleeping with.  They give the women power.  People will take as long as you don't protect yourself.  Men are stupid and women are conniving.  Until people wake up and take full responsibilty for themselves, their bodies and their lives there will continue to be more Selinas and more Enriques. 

 

God bless those two precious girls.

I think that the father shouldn't have told the child that way. He should have sat down with the mother and the child and explain to her what was going on. I also don't think that he should've cut the child completely out of his life because he did invest 10 yrs into it and that is the only father she has known. However I don't think this man should be financially responsible for her for the rest of her childhood life. The mother new that there was a possibility that there could be another man the day she started an intimate relationship with another man ( without using protection). She needs to find that man, get a paternity test, and if he's proving to be the father then he should have to take on that financial responsibility.

This man was decieved this childs entire life.  No I don't feel he should be held responsible for the financial obligations of this child.  He should have the choice.... meanwhile there is a man walking around, not only not knowing he doesn't have a a child out there but he is not taking the responsibility of taking care of her.  The father she knows SHOULD NOT have cut all ties with her because that is the only father she knows and their relationship should have been more important then any dollar amount or genetics.  Instead of pressing this man about money or rights, she needs to find the childs father, because she owes that much to her daughter.  Because of her irresponisable decision, she created a mess especially to her daughter because at the end of the day, this girl is the one who suffers.  A father daughter relationship is whats lacking in our country.  Girls grow up feeling neglected by their fathers and end up making poor choices in relationships that effect their lives big time.  I'm raising three girls, one of which, has a Dad that does not only take care of her but does not spend time, be a good example and never calls and it hurts her.   The bottom line here is.  He should be in her life, her mother needs to find her Dad and go after him for child support and find out if he can be a positive person in her life and get her some counseling because I'm almost sure she needs to get things out that she may get out in a negative way.

As a father of a child that is not mine 'Biologically', this subject hits home.  If you are with the child for 13 years, you have established feelings for that child.  You have been the DAD and should continue.  I am not sure how you can just turn those feelings off after finding out it was not your sperm that created the child.  Walking away from the child will create issues not only for the child, but for both 'Parents'.  I would imagine trying to shake off established feelings for a child would be almost impossible.  The child did not create the issue and should not suffer for the mistakes of an adult.  If at all possible, this should be transparent to the child until they are legally considered an adult.  Now if this is discovered during the period of infancy, the situation would be quite different.

 

Here is my solution to the financial question.  First and foremost, the mother should have to identify the actual sperm donor.  That man should be sought out and ordered to reimburse the man who has raised and paid for that child.  If it was a 'One Nighter' or something of that nature and she does not know the father, then after the child turns 18, the mother should be ordered by the court to reimburse the 'Father' over the next 18 years.

 

In the end, everyone will have feelings that must be dealt with.  This subject deals with infidelity and with deception.  The mother should be financially liable for all counceling necessary as well as to the man who has raised her child under a false belief that he is the father.  With all of that said, this should all be dealt with in a manner that takes into account the feelings of the child.

When I hear things I try to relate to things in my life and how I would react in that way.  Well, I have experienced this first hand.  I was engaged and found out that I was pregnant.  I did not have an easy time being pregnant and wanted to post pone the wedding.  This set off my fiance at the time.  He wanted to move up the wedding.  I was really not up for all of that so I called off the wedding.  That sent him into more of a rage, instead of understanding what I was going through he wanted only what was good for him. Well, he took me to court when my daughter was born for paternaty.  I was offended at first, but tried to talk with him that if he was sure he wanted to be in her life then go through with it, but it was not a revolving door and once he took that step that he would be her father 100%.  He did not get the answer he wanted  HE WAS THE FATHER!  I think he was looking for it not to be him.  After almost 2 years of courts and in the mean time I met a wonderful man who did not question anything when it came to my dauthter and I kid with him that he fell in love with my daughter before me.  The biologicial father signed off of my daughter, walked away and my husband adopted her 8 years ago.  My husband took that responsibilty with no question and my daughter's bioligicial father questioned it the whole time.  So let's not always blame the mothers in this situation some do try to make things the right way.  Some men just need to step up and be the man that they should be to the children.  It is not always about the women and them wanting the money how about the men who want the glory and don't want to pay?

    I agree the mother was wrong to lie. But how long did he the supposed father love and raise this child as his own befor saying hey i dont think this child is mine. I understand he was married to her so of course he thinks shes been faithful. But when does this doubt come in to play how many years later, how come now it comes all down to money and not the little girl he raised as his own? As for the women who lie about who the father is, people lie everyday day so if you sleep with someone and you dont think your the father you should take responsibility for getting a dna ASAP, dont wait 1,2 or even as long as the gentleman who cried victim so hard that waited 12 YEARS. Give me a break!!