Topic : 12/25 Parent Trap

There should be no fussing over this one. Biological father should pay ex-husband back child support and the ex-husband should be given a court order for visitation to see the child. The child should be told in the presents of mental health professional and have access to a professional on a regular basis.

Due to the lack of morals and the blatant dishonesty of people in this country I think that it is way past time for a DNA test to be mandatory by law when each and every child is born in the United States.  That would save untold hurt and anger for everybody involved to know from day one who the REAL parents are!  If scamming, deceitful mothers knew a DNA test would be done at birth they would be more apt to tell the truth from the beginning knowing they were going to be found out in their lies at what is suppose to be a happy and joyous time.

Mothers always know the child belong to her...and some women think having babies by every Tom, Dick & Harry they can bed down is finacial security for them.  How many women have you ever known to deliberately get pregnant hoping to trap a man into staying with them?  Untold Millions!! Our lies almost always find us out! 

And as is almost always the case.....the children are the ones that suffer the most in situations where it should, and could, have been kept between the adults.

Although my circumstances are quite different, my boyfriend who later became my spouse met me when I was pregnant and needed a way to remain in the United States. Putting his name on the birth certificate was the most effective means of doing that, until 3 years later he decided he did not want to be held financially responsible. Then stated in court that I lied to him and he was unaware that the child was not his. All conveniently after he was legally allowed to remain in the United States.

I was 17 when I met this 28 yr old who seemed like a gift fromg GOD and a willing father for a child who would otherwise not have a chance. As a mother I should have been more mindful of the individuals I chose to have in my childrens lives. My son who is now 18 yrs old still struggles with this but is trying to establish a relationship with the man who he is named after.I have never lied to my son  or to my ex-husband. Afterall, I gave birth 6 months after I met him.

By the way, he was made to pay child support for the son that was his namesake and my 18 yr old has now moved in with him. I have mixed emotions about it, but feel that my son has every right to get to know this man. It was aalways about my son for me, whether that man was in his life or not. I took care of him when he didnt pay the child support and never gave it a second thought. It created trust issues for both me and my son and we are just starting to heal those emotional scars that this caused. It took 15 yrs to do it though.

Here is what a lot of people don't realize... the state is reluctant to allow the nonbiological "father" to stop paying child support because, chances are, the biological father can't be found.  The child will then be getting no support at all and, more than likely, the mother will seek assistance from the state.  As far as the law is concerned, they would much rather have somebody paying child support, even though they are not the "real" parent than have them on welfare.

I think it is tragic that these mothers can lie about the paternal status of the children they bring into this world, and get money for it, and get away with it.  It truely is the perfect crime.

Maria knew she had an affair during her marriage. She tried to set things up like ' oh I think the baby will look like....'  and looking at her baby- she knew in her heart this was not Enrique's child, and when confronted years later - she was like well it could be someone elses. She knew - as a woman I know she knew.

Everyone says its about the child. It is about the child. She needs to know who her REAL father is for medical purposes and a host of other issues. A DAD is different, Enrique could have handled this better but then where is the compassion for him? The devestation must have been enormous. Who can behave perfectly? How would you react ? feeling like the last 10 years of love and affection were manipulated!

His love is real - its obvious - but its not the love Maria is trying to save - its the money it looks like.

And since the current laws do not protect a man from this - and why wasnt the biological father on this show?  Did he bug out - maybe he wants a relationship with this young woman.

What if the daughter really wants that - and let Enrique be her DAD and continue his caring for her but the TRUTH is always the BEST for ALL.

Maria perpertrated this and she needs to step up and facilitate a meaningful healing solution - meeting with the real father - APOLOGIZE to ALL for starting this - stop dragging Enrique and Mia to court, help her daughters adjust and show the value of truth and how all their lives will be better for it.

It may take a village to raise these girls - and it should be a village free of lies and deciet. Forcing a relationship via money will not work and it will not heal.

Dear Dr. Phil

This is a subject that is very near and dear to my heart.  I am a 35 yr old divorced mother of three.  I just found out 3 years ago that my first born child is not my ex-husband biological child.  We were not married when I had her in June of 1992.  He and I met in August 27,1991 and had not started anything sexual until about 4 days after meeting.  He and I were together until he left around the first or second week in September.  I did meet someone else about 2 weeks after he left, and had one evening with this person.  My boyfriend then called me after returning back to Guam and told me he felt that I was pregnant and to get a test.  I did so and sure enough I was pregnant.  At that time I never felt that this other person was even a factor because he and I had been together so much.  This year at the end of our marriage he then asked for a paternity test of the first child.  I didn't have anything to hide so I went down and to my surprise he wasn't her father.  I can't explain to you how this has ruined my and my daughters life.  Although he still says he is her father and continues to see her.  I feel less of a person at times because of this one night.  When I found out he wasn't her father I called him and apologized trying to let him know that I wasn't being deceitful, nor trying to "trick" him in anyway.  He pays child support for her and from watching your show I truly don't know how to feel.  He has gone on with his life with someone else who at first when the paternity question was up sent the letter to my home with a kiss print on the back as if to poke fun at me.  When to me all the matters is my daughter.  She would go over to the home he shares with her and this woman would talk badly about me outwardly where my daughter could hear.  After 13 years of being her father and my husband he turned his back on us a a family.  There is much more to the story meaning I guess why he left me as he did, but truly from the bottom of my heart I never meant to hurt him.  I don't know if I should try to look for her biological father or if I should leave things as they are.  I would like for my daughter to have someone to talk to as I also feel like I let her down.

signed \

help!!!! mom in distress

Dear Dr. Phil. This note is a response to if a man should continue to pay child support after it has been revealed that the mother lied about his paternity. In my opinion; I think the biological father should be persued for child support. I believe that the "supportive" father should be relieved of child support payments. Yet I do feel that  the relationship between the "supportive" father and the child he thought was his should not be compromised. I feel that  the relationship should be allowed to continue and if the father wishes to buy the child gifts for holidays or tuition this should be his choice. I feel a healthy relationship is the option of the misled father and child.  Also what exactly would a man naturally do if he where to find out he had been lied to on an issue as sensitive as paternity? And why should an irresponsible biological father be relieved of his responsibility and perhaps create even more children to which another man is taking responsibility for? And what type of response or action should take place for the lying mother? Thank you.