Topic : 12/25 Parent Trap

Dr. Phil I watched this show and found myself at odds. I am an adult and I realize that unlike Ms. Allred stated, this type of thing happens more often that she indicated. I agree with you that what is most important is the child. And I also believe that the wife, Mia (?) has overstepped her boundaries. Sure she is concerned with her husband's affairs, but that situation is something that he should handle, not her. I agree that after 10 years of parenting, money should not be the issue.  If he truly loved the child, what should be most important is your relationship with her, not the faults of the mother. Sure the ex should have been up front and informed her ex-husband of her extra marital affair, but what part of that is the child's fault?  If Enrique loves his daughter, as he admitted, he should not have done what he did.  In my opinion he has damaged the possiblity of ever having a positive relationship with his daughter ever. It is possible that Selina(?) can forgive him, but she will never forget and will possibly always question his love for her.

 

I realize that this sort of thing happens often, for I live in the "real world" but as Ms. Allred points out, what matters iswhat is the best interest of the child? You have fathers who pay child support and don't have the opportunity to see their children, and you have fathers who pay little or no child support and spend quality time with their children, and then or course you have father's who are falsely accused and pay for the support of a child that is not his.  But in the end, who gets hurt? The one did not ask to brought into this world, the child. But as it seems in this situation, money, is the most important issue??   Go figure?

Imagine the other side of the coin?  The man raises the child as his own, making that child part of his world.  Suppose the wife suspected the child was not her husband's but did not tell him.  Shameful, right?  In a divorce should the wife be able to produce DNA evidence and exclude the man from the life of the child?  Colorado's laws on this protect both parties and the child.

Selina has to be having all types of problems related to her mother's infidelity, her father's absence and accusations, her stepmother's animosity, etc.  Some one needs to explain to Selina that she was not a mistake.  Imagine feeling a sense of guilt about your own existence? 

 

If I could talk to Selina I would say, "God made you.  He has a purpose for your life.  You have people in your life whose life you brighten just by being in it.  You matter."

Have the biological father pay child support, etc. now! He should also have to back pay for the time Enrique had to pay. Then Enrique should get all his money back. The mother who lied should have to pay for damages she has caused to Enrique and his current wife. And somewhere in between this whirlwind, the child should be told the truth. I am sure she has been brainwashed unfortunately. Then life will go on as it should and there will no longer be drama. But this is in my perfect world...And we can't change others can we? So we do the best we can....

Good luck to you all! The truth always comes out in the end and doing the right thing is always rewarded!!

Peace.

After watching the show, i can say that this is a tough world. As a father myself, I can say that after ten years, I wouldnt have stopped visitation rights with my son. I love my son to death. I wouldnt let a piece of paper change that because in his eyes, I'll always be daddy. As for the money, the mother has no right to ask for child support. She should be glad that another man is willingly stepping up for the position. She should be ashamed about the fact that the daughter knows about her being unfaithful.

 

Why do women do things like these? If their tough enough to cheat then they should be tough enough to handel the their finances without child support.

my husband has been in 'the system' of friend of court for over 10 years.  he divorced his ex-wife because of continuous affairs that did result in pregnancy.  despite this the court has continued to perpetuate her fraud - their being of the 'mind' What's in the best interest of the child - forcing him to pay child support.  while we have also been of the 'mind' what's in the best interest of the child was having their 'dad' in their life.  the ex-wife has effectively severed any contact.  there's been no visitations for over 5 years!!  she has told the children who they knew as their 'dad' is not their father but she continues to get child support.  and the courts support her - "can't legislate morality" is what we're told in response to trying to get visitation enforced.  but they can legislate child support.  until year ago we could not find an attorney willing to take on this issue.  most attorney's (like gloria allred) continuing the perpetuation of fraud, misguided belief & their definition of best interest of the child.  there is the paternity act of 1994 that allows for this issue to be addressed yet it's not looked at, nor (to date) has my husband been allowed to bring it into debate.  again, the courts reciting what's in the best interest of the child.  fortunately there is one child who has become of age (is over 18) and has made contact again with her 'dad' - stating he was always there for her as her dad and she's of the belief there's no reason for that to change.  it takes more than biology to father a child.  the mother will only tell her that she's her child and will give no information to the real biological father.  it is extremely frustrating and hurtful to us as well as to the children involved to answer the question of what's in the best interest of the child to be all about money.  with all that you hear about how children raised with both 'parents' being of the childs best interest in the friend of the courts mindset we will continue the path and risk the mental health of our children. 

It ticks me off to no extend about what some mothers do.  I am raising my two children by myself (now with my current husband) with no help from their father's.  They know they have a child but they could care less.  I think it is unfair that a father can just get up and leave at anytime and the mother is there to clean up the "dirty" work of trying to explain to the child that it wasn't their fault on why "daddy" left.  Then if the bio-father does have a change of heart they can come into that child's life and turn it upside down because he has a right to them. 

Then it ticks me off to no end that women have fought so hard in this world to earn their place to be equal to men then turn around and degrade other women that try to do the right thing. I think it is pure ignorance to make a man think a child is their's and make them pay and then when it is convenient to them tell them well "I was wrong, you are not the father." Women that do this should be punished under the law b/c in reality they committed a crime. Instead of it being looked at, well she did what she had to do.  She made a mistake, it isn't her fault. Well you know for a fact that women wouldn't think twice on throwing the father in jail for not paying support.  So how is it equal there? Women that commit this should (I think) pay back the money.

My husband has stepped up to my children and taken responsibility.  He knows that they are not his and it would be real easy for him to just be the father (since their ages are 4 and 9 months) but it is not by any means right.  My kids will know who their bio-father is but they will know who the real father to them and that is my husband. I do not even have them call him daddy b/c it is wrong.  I am leaving it up to my kids on whether or not to call him daddy.  For right now, he is either Jon or Daddy Jon. Eventually he might adopt, but that is totally his choice I would never forced that on him b/c he already got tricked by his ex-wife on signing her daughter's birth certificate to become her father. She said it was the "cheapest" way to adopt her kid. Don't get me wrong, he treats her like his own but when things do not go the mother's way she will throw it up and say well you are not her father.  Like for example, we are trying to get 50/50 custody of them but she is now saying she is not his and he has no right.  But he has been paying support on her for the last 3 years.  Now how is this fair to him b/c he chose to step up and to be her father but "legally" has no right to her?

So I guess what I am trying to say is yes it is not right for the mother to lie but she should have left the option up to her husband/boyfriend or whatever to be involved with the kid. But now even though he was the victim he is being treated like he is at fault.  The mother thinks this is funny and just wants the money, throw her "booty" in jail for committing a crime and we will see who is laughing now.  It is very unfortunate for the daughter but hopefully she will come to realize that both her and her "father" were the victim and then they will be able to move forward on to some kind of relationship.

Hope I made a point somewhere in all my babbling. I will go back on my theory:People should fill out an application to have kids." We already have enough screwed up kids that have mommy daddy issues. We need to stop the cycle of emotionally damaging our children.  We need to think twice no a hundred times before we have children. I am tired of the mom's pulling the mommy card and they have right to the child.  Well if you have right to the child you need to do right by them and let them know who their REAL father's are.

I've got a real simple solution for you guys - use a condom, each and every time, unless YOU want to risk making a baby, which may or may not be yours.  Better still, keep it in your pants until you meet a woman who is worthy of you, and with whom you want to make babies.  Men have gotten so used to sex without consequences that they see it as a divine right.  As far as child support being a means of financial security for a woman, that's the biggest laugh I've had all year.  You show me one guy who's been fooled by a woman into paying for a baby that isn't his, and I'll show you five thousand kids who grow up in poverty, raised by single moms, because their dads can't be bothered to support them, and the system does NOTHING to help.

 

That being said, any woman who tricks a guy into paying for another man's baby is a despicable creature who should be prosecuted for fraud and made to pay back every single cent of her ill-gotten gains.  This is why society instituted the concept of marriage and being faithful - to avoid just such situations as this.

A father is not the person who helped to conceive a child. A father is the man who loves a child unconditionally, the person who taught the child o ride a bike. He needs to man up. Whether he likes it or not she is his daughter. Genetics or not.

This is wrong that he is held responsible for a child that is not his. This is bad.  He should fight this to any extent that he wishes. His ex-wife committed fraud.  She should have been honest with him on this. 

 

The reasoning behind the money ..he should not pay child support after she lied to him. He should have been told it was possible for another man to be this child's father. And if he has the choice and said he would take care of her than he should be responible today. But his ex-wife never told him. Maybe he should have eased his way out of her life. But he should not pay for this child.