Topic : 12/25 Parent Trap

Enrique has already distroyed this young girl.  He should not stand in the way of Chris wanted to adopted her.  After what he did emotionally to his daughter, he needs to bow out and allow her to build a relationship with Chris.  Also, his wife seems very bitter and is poisoning the situation with resentment and unforgiveness.

Are you paying any attention AT ALL??

I am very shocked about how easy it was for this family to be torn apart by the fathers new wife. As a second wife I know that staying in my place means that certain things about my husbands previously family is taboo. This wife got lucky because she happened to be correct. But what if she had been wrong.  She had a personal agenda in suggesting that DNA test. This father claimed the mother gave him clues long ago and she just didn't own up to it today. If she did that was his chance to take action. Not now, not after so many years have gone by, not at the expense of his beautiful daughter. His response to his new wife if he were really a man should have been I chose to turn my head to that possibility years ago and I am not going to revisit that issue now. A new wifes responsibility is not to tear apart whatever was built before we came along but to try to make the changes easier for the children. This DNA test was never about doing anything that was going to benefit that child. If I had thought that ever about one of my husbands children I would have NEVER suggest he do anything about it. Inside a marriage if their is no question at BIRTH I do not feel there should ever be a question. You are married and that is not something you can just walk away from. Children who are born into relationships that are unstable should not suffer from the actions of those parents. Any man who is told that he has fathered a child outside of a marriage should request a DNA test and if not he is saying I trust and love this woman and child enough that it does not matter and if that be the case then a judge should make them abide by the original decision they made when they were initially told they could have fathered a child. Men if you want women to be more accountable then you can't drag your feet about it. They shouldn't have the right to wait 10, 12, 15 years and then when things go sour say well maybe the child isn't really mine.

 What a sad state of affairs when a woman will intentionally lie to have a certain man as the father of her child. It is wrong to knowingly name a man as the father if he is not. I can certainly understand the anger of the men this has happened to. But by the same token, the child, that has only known this man as father, is going to suffer. The emotional impact to this child could be a life long problem, and manifest itself in ways that may come to light in later years.
the most important thing is to let the child(ren) know that they are not to blame for any of the problems, but that there is a problem that needs to be worked out.
My only question is that even though this has been done, how can he walk out on a child that he has raised on his own for so many years, without a thought of love to that child. I would think the emotional costs to the 'father' would also be great.
I do feel sad that so many women have knowingly done this, and I feel for the men  that have been caught in the trap, but I would say, think of the child before making a rash decision that is going to cause such emotional upheavel in the life of the child.
I too believe that the truth should be told, but there is a way to do, that does not put the child on an emotional roller coaster.

Moonsluv

I totally agree with this comment.I wouldn"t buy her book for a penny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I catch the show when I can.  Since I do work full time that is sometimes hard to do.  I did see it today and I must say I am amazed how these people think.  You are absolutely right, the child must come first.  He was wrong in the way he told his daughter he was not her father.   And most of all should have never walked away from her.  He thought for years that she was his.  He loved her, cared for her.  How can you just walk away from that.  It is not her fault that her mother lied to him.   I think he realizes he has lost an important part of his life, and may have destroyed her in the process.  Thank God she seems to be holding together.

The Mother is a fool.  I don't think he should be forced to pay child support for a child that in not his.  Expecially to a woman who lied.  I would not trust here to make sure the child is cared for with that money.  She would probably use it for other things.  Here is what I think.  If he truly loves this child.  He should try to rebuild the bond they have lost.  That will not be easy.  He should set up a trust fund for her that the mother cannot touch.  The mother hurt the father.  They have both hurt the daughter.  They need to quit fighting amount themselves and do what they can to get this child back to a normal live.

Dear Dr. Phil,

 

It is so sad that the child in today's show found out that the person she thought was her dad; was in fact not due to the her Mothers actions. That being said, he could have and really should have approached that in a better way.  That does not in my opinion, require him to pay child support for the child that is not his. If the Mother was really concerned about the child still having a relationship with who she had said was the dad, the Mother, should have said, I am not seeking child support. I would like you to have a relationship with Selina. Yet, the Mother continued with her legal process for money. If it was not about the money, then why did she not let it go? She, the Mother, is the root of all the problems. It is the Mother that should be held accountable. It is the Mother that caused the pain of Selina. The mother lied, and there is no excuse for that. Period. The Child is a victim of the Mother, the ex-husband, is a Victim of the the Mother. Each, should be able to go after the mother for all the pain and suffering that has happened due to her actions. I did not hear much about her responsiblities in this situation. Sad, when the person that caused all of this is played off as the one just concerned about the daughter; NOW. Where was that concern for the first 10 years?

This is a topic that can become so explosive.  But I have seen many situations on both sides.  And I think that each situation should be handled accordingly.   I have talked to a lot of men and women in my job (a bartender, jack of all trades, but where else will you hear these sad stories in such an abundance) and it is not the idea of money, but the idea that the ex takes the money and spends it on herself, nails, hair, tanning, new cars, etc.  The money is not necessarily going towards the child.  An alternative that I regularly suggest, and have had very little resistance from the dads in the situation, is this.  Rather than a monthly payment to the mother, a monthly payment to an account, trust, college fund, 401k or any kind of account that can accumulate for the childs future.  For college expenses, for transportation, a home.  It is not always that the father does not want to give money to the child, but the fact is that the child rarely sees the full benifit of that money.  This is a win win situation.  If parents love their children, having that relationship grow and flourish should not depend on the exchange of money.  You cannot put a price on a good relationship with your kids.  Kids cannot be loved enough.  No man or woman likes the idea that they have to "pay" to see their child.. And can you imagine how the child feels that they cannot see their parent because they have not given any money??  Its like a blue light special on kids!!!  Again, each situation is different.  Different variables and dynamics change things.  But in the grand scheme think about it!!  Thanks.. have a great day.. Shel

WHY didn't you DEMAND the name of (and face-off with) the biological father of this child? 

 

Like you, Dr. Phil, I have so many emotions on so many levels.  The biological mother has a major responsibility.  You can't tell me she hasn't influenced her daughter. 

 

It's a tough one...but, without a doubt, the lawyer representing this mother absolutely make me sick to my stomach!!!  Her arguments didn't hold any water with me!

 

The man who claimed her as his child for many years wasn't without fault, either.  The manner in which he resolved this between him and the girl was pathetic.  But let's give credit where due:  He was MATURE ENOUGH to admit remorse.  There is no way I'd support him continuing a court-ordered mandate of support.  If anything, only when the daughter visits him and the funds be invested for higher education.  Certainly NOT for the mother's discretion. 

 

NOTE:  I'm very glad for the man he found out.  Perhaps paternity should be REQUIRED in the states where they enforce child support for men who are not the fathers.  I'm still numbed about this show.  Ridiculous!!!

 

We can't ignore the fact that this mother showed no remorse during the interview.  Her attitude throughout the entire show was outrageous!  Somehow, I can't help but think Dr. Phil was way too easy on her and her "attorney".  They disgusted me!

I can't believe that no-one even addressed that the mother was the cause of the whole incident. If she hadn't lied in the beginning this wouldn't even be. Who's to say that the daughter doesn't have a wonderful father out there. I believe the ex-husband is also the victim here, the child is only a victim because of her mother's decision. I think everyone needs to quit blaming the ex  and make the mother who is a lair and very decetful take the blame for what she did,and however the ex reacted is her fault and hers alone.So instead of sitting and laughing at her ex for what she caused the whole family . This is all her, cause, reactions, broken hearts,and mistrust. There is no way a man  should be made to take responsibility for someone else ,no matter when it's discovered. And what about the man who has been denied his child all these years? Why do we as a society think this is okay????With proof this makes no sense. Anyway , I feel the mother should pay back the child support,and thank the man whom is not the father for being one. He loves the girl and should continue to see her. But the real father should be located