Topic : 12/25 Parent Trap

Dr. Phil, I totally understand this topic.

My daughter now 26 has three children of her own (my grandchildren).I met her when she was two years old and then I married her mom, in 1983.  Her mom said don't ask any questions about her daughters bio-father, but she did say that she was a victim, (something she needs to deal with, cause I can't help her with that). Later on I stood up and put my name on my daughters birth certificate (amended the document) gave her a new name, so she had a father, at least one that loved her (not one that doesn't have the Balls to come forward). me and my daughter did everything together, then the family became bigger another girl and boy. the three were great kids and they never knew any different that they had a half-sister as the oldest. I use to say "I have three oldest, the first girl, my first girl, and my first boy"!

After nine years of marriage we divorced and I was threatened by my ex-wife that she was going to tell the oldest that I was not the bio-dad. she was about 10 years old and not sugar coating any thing, because you can not in this situation, I told her my story. I still to this day have a relationship as a father daughter. my oldest daughter and I have talked about the past and she tells me that I payed more attention to her sister than I did to her, so she had issues. we have worked out a start over program which involved all the kids and me.

I tried to get out of the child support and failed. But, this is an issue of the parents, AND PARENTS ONLY! visitation, relationships between the stand-in parent and the child should not change. if both parents put the needs of the child first, child support should never come into the equation. I have noticed that parents (adults) in this situation have there morals backwards. the child in my case and the case on TV has grown to trust a man that has built a relationship and the mother being jealous, greedy, and just plain stupid has hurt her own child by not being honest with her daughter. the mother should be prosecuted not the father, he stepped up to the plate and now he is ridiculed for it. how lame! 

I hope if the 12 year old girl reads this that she will understand that her mom needs help (psychiatry). and your dad does love you and he just wants to be right. I hope you 2 can work it out no matter what the out come.

P.S. I'm not on any side, I've been there. the only one that I feel for is the 12 year old girl.

ALSO: that lawyer fails to understand the whole LONG TERM AFFECT to the people involved, and she should listen to that guy (in the black suit) because he is the only one who made sense. Congratulations dude you are one in a 100,000 who put there feet to the fire, and won.

LAST THOUGHT: should the Bio-father pay back any child support paid by a stand-in dad, or should the mother who excepted payment knowingly she was wrong for excepting the payments. what ever the case LEAVE THE CHILDREN OUT OF ADULT PROBLEMS!  it tears them apart, and there becomes on winners, but involve the children you all loose.

I read most of the comments on the board after watching the show today...I think that the mother of this wonderful young lady is totally responsible for every hurt the yound lady is experiencing.  I do not feel that the "fake" father did the right thing by blurting it out to the kid and refusing to have visitation, but I can understand why he was forced to do that....by knowing what he now knew, if he continued to act as a father, he would have to continue to pay support, something he did not feel he should do.  He has to live with that...but the fact remains, the mother cheated, lied, and covered up her guilt...it was only her who knew the truth!  That Gloria lawyer acted so outraged when she said, "let's not point fingers..." but only when the finger pointing was at anyone other than the poor guy who was cheated on and lied to!!!

It appears that the young lady will be hurt by all this, but she appeared to be doing better than a lot of kids that have not gone through such hurts....a fine young lady.  She learned young that life is not always rosey, people lie and manipulate...and that is ashame. But, well, it is life.  I do not think the man should pay another penny towards child support.  And I hope the little girl grows up realizing it was the mother's fault!!!

Juri

    I just wanted to say that i am in the same situation as Selena. my biological father left when i was about 1 1/2 years old, and the man i call my dad has been there since i was 2. he and my mom got a divorce when i was 9 and he paid child support for me and my younger brother who he had with my mom. he could have pulled the bull that he wasnt goin to pay for me because i wasnt biologically his, but he is a real man and know that he had been my daddy since i was a baby and there was no good reason he shouldnt now. any man can be a father, but it takes a real man to be a dad. it shouldnt be about money. he loved that little girl since she was born and he had no right to disown her the way he did just cuz she wasnt his blood. this show brought me to tears and all i can say is Selena doesn need a daddy like that any way.