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Topic : 12/25 Parent Trap

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Created on : Friday, October 26, 2007, 02:49:00 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 10/29/07) Fraud. lies. conspiracy. They may sound like the latest Washington scandal, but these are allegations of exes at war over child support. Dr. Phil's guests claim they became victims of the perfect crime when they were led to believe they fathered a child that was not biologically their own and were forced to pay. First up, Enrique says he was shocked and angered to discover he was not the father of his youngest daughter, Selina, and that she was conceived during his ex-wife, Maria's, adulterous affair. Maria says he raised Selina but then abandoned her to save money. Why does Maria say Enrique's current wife is to blame for the fractured relationship? Next, 13-year-old Selina speaks one on one with Dr. Phil. Will she decide to let the man she once called Daddy back in her life? Then, Carnell Smith, who uses the online moniker, "Man4Justice," suffered a similar fate to Enrique, and but he fought and won. He says he's tired of seeing women trap men and get away with it. A heated debate ensues between him and feminist attorney, Gloria Allred, who argues that men like Enrique should continue to act as the father ... and continue paying! Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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missdavies

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October 29, 2007, 5:37 pm PDT

What a horrible, horrible man...

All I can say is that a real man - a compassionate, intelligent man - would have in the first place declined to take the test.

If he cared a whit about that girl, he would have felt that she was his child no matter what. He wouldn't have wanted to know because it wouldn't change anything. He would care more about her emotional well-being than money or being "right". How could he stop loving that child after 9 or 10 years of being her dad? This is probably one of the most selfish and destructive acts I've ever seen. I am appalled at what I saw today.

This in no way exonerates the mother, but that is a completely seperate topic and has nothing to do with what this "man" did to that child.

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exrices

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October 29, 2007, 5:37 pm PDT

What??

Quote From: sammil23

I'm just absolutely amazed that these people were so focused on the money. And I'm including the "father", the wife, and even the audience and the male guest who favored the man who abandoned that poor little girl. How cold-hearted can people be?

If you ask that child, I can bet anyone that she couldn't care less about money. What she cares about is the fact that this heartless person abandoned her when she was a small child because he realized that they didn't share the same blood. SO WHAT? That is the child you held, said you loved, and cared for all those years. What kind of dirtbag leaves a child in that way? Who knew that a test result determined your love for a child!

Yes, the mother was wrong for lying. Does that make the man a victim as you said? No. He's an adult. He's not the victim. He's a pathetic excuse for life who couldn't care less about a child he once called his daughter, and then abandoned out of anger for the mother, and finds himself so focused on money, that he can't see how much he hurt and continues to hurt that child. And furthermore, HE of all people, thinks he has a right to be concerned about the possible adoption? SERIOUSLY? Somebody has a few screws loose. Sorry buddy, you lost that right to determine what goes on in that girl's life the moment you stepped out for asinine reasons.

Why didn't anybody mention that the real victim was the child? The child who now has to live with the fact that the man who she knew as her father abandonded her because MONEY was more important than their relationship. I sincerely hope that she never lets him back into her life. Who knows when she'll need him and he'll leave her again.

He should be ashamed. What a pathetic excuse for a human being. And what a pathetic follower for a wife, supporting a "man" for doing that to an innocent little child. Those crocodile tears he shed didn't fool me, and I hope they didn't fool anyone else either.

The father was absolutely wrong for abandoning that child! But you act as if its his fault that the ex-wife cheated. Maybe a cheating, lieing deceitful wife is OK in your world. Not in mine. She lied. Period. I reccomend that ALL men get a DNA test within 48 hours of a child's birth. If the wife/girlfriend is honest she should not be upset! Also if a man marries a woman with children from a previous relationship, I absolutely agree that he should step up to the plate and care for them as though they were his own. BUT this woman lied! She lied! She lied! She... You get the picture.

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iwantansuv

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October 29, 2007, 5:37 pm PDT

Women do bad things too.

I am a 44 year old man with one daughter who is twelve. I divorced in 2000 and recently remarried.
I was in shock over what I saw on tonight's program.
Cheating on her husband and getting pregnant with another man's child wasn't bad enough, but she had to rub his nose in it for years by letting him (and her daughter) believe that he was the paternal father. What a disgrace. Not only did she lie to him, but she lied to her daughter as well. I don't particularly agree with the father taking his daughter to the park and telling her the things he did, that was a poor choice on his part, but what the mother did in all this is many times worse. She not only created this entire situation with her infidelity and lies, but continued the charade for years.
How embarrassing it must have been for both her ex-husband and her daughter to find out that they had been deceived for so long. The feeling that someone could think so little of you that they would lie to you for so many years must have been devastating for both of them. Then to have the nerve to ask for support payments on top of everything?
I've been faithfully paying support to my ex-wife for 10 years, and am embarrassed and ashamed for the deadbeat dads in the world who find ways to avoid their financial responsibilities, but in no way should this man have to pay support to his ex-wife.
We don't reward children for behaving badly so why should she get a cent. Some might argue that it's the child that loses because of the support not coming in, well, then her mother's resposibility is to make sure that doesn't happen. If she doesn't live up the responsibility she has bestowed upon herself, then she is a deadbeat mom. There's a term no one speaks of very often.
She is remarried and there are two incomes entering that household. If there isn't, then she should see that there is.
Dr. Phil, you're the only one who really acknowledged that she did something wrong and that her ex-husband was victimized in all of this. "Victim" is the word that should probably have been more emphasized. Your guest, Ms. Allred, tried to make her ex-husband look like the one who did all the wrong. Her arguments were quite lame and made almost no sense at all.
I understand "the best interest of the child". I've lived the last 12 years with that as my main focus, but let the fault lie where it is should...the mother. All of this was created by her, then all the blame should rest squarely on her shoulders. And if anyone should be punished or made to carry the financial or emotional burden she bestowed on her child with all her lies and deceit, it should be her.
Ms. Allred's attempt to make the mother appear blameless by diverting the attention to the child, and to the father was laughable at best. Although she commented that the gentleman sitting beside her didn't know California law, he certainly seemed to be much better prepared to appear on your show, and made her look rediculous at times. Her attempt to divert the attention, and to say that the "real issue" was the thousands of deadbeat dads out there showed quite clearly that she felt like she was losing this debate. I will say with certainty that her book will not be part of my collection.
Many times, I heard people say to fathers that if they could make a baby, then they need to step up to the plate and be responsible for that baby financially. If women make babies, then they should be made to step up to the same plate and be responsible as well. Just because she decided she does not want to pursue the biological father for financial support doesn't mean she can get it from someone else. She needs to be accountable for what she's done. She needs to be responsible for what she's done. She needs to step up and pick up the financial slack her lies and deceit have created. She needs to do this. No one else.
I think she needs to go after the biological father for financial support, or decide to do it herself. her choice.
Did I hear mention that her ex-husband had a medical background? If I didn't hear that, then my mistake. If I did hear it, then my guess is that he may be hauling in a substantial wage. That makes it even more gross that she should be after him for money...just because she knows she would get a pretty hefty chunk. What a disgrace.
That's my say.

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imac1314

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October 29, 2007, 5:37 pm PDT

mom's lies but child's the victim

I can relate to this whole issue i am a product of a teenage Mom who got pregnant and was sent away by her parents I was born in the Islands, and another man stood paternity although he knew i was not his biological child. when i was growing up there was a striking difference between the man that i called Daddy and myself as my biological father was of a different race from my supposedly father but neither of them told me anything it was not until i was 12 and my biological father died i knew who was my real Dad. I use my experience to bring across my point even though the mother lied and honestly she could have had doubts, as she said because she was having an affair meanwhile with her husband but still i cannot believe Enrique did not see a marked difference in the child for 10 years, not untill he married that hell of a wife. it matters not if his ex wife cheated you are talking about a child here now not how much money you have to pay in child support. And i still believe that it is the now wife who is so bent on seperating him from the child he has called his from birth no matter if your ex wife lied it is the child who is mostly afffected out of all this, so what if he takes care of another man's child the child is the most important in all of the mess.

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sunwrshpr29

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October 29, 2007, 5:38 pm PDT

Who is at fault for a "LIE"???

A lie...is a lie...is a lie!!! If there had never been a lie told (or the truth held, which is the same as a lie) Selena, Enrique and the other's involved would never be in this situation. Enrique still may have married Maria, if he truly loved her. If he didn't truly love her the marriage wouldn't have lasted anyway! I believe it is mainly Maria's fault that Selena is hurting now. Maria tricked everyone! Maria should be thankful that Enrique supported and loved Selena for all of those years! He seems like a very sensitive man but it must have been an absolute shock and devistating to him when he found out the truth. I don't think that he went about telling Selena the proper way. Maria should have been the one to explain "truthfully" to Selena what happend years ago and why Enrique was having a hard time to deal with the situation like it was. After Selena and her sister are on their own, I think that Maria should pay Enrique back for all the years that he supported Selena believing that she was his biological daughter. She lied to him and Selena!!!

I also think that Selena's biological father has the right to know that he has a daughter. He has the right to build a relationship with her, if they both so choose. He should not be made to pay "back" child support since it was not his fault that Maria lied to him as well, by not telling him. However, he should pay child support beginning now.

I whole heartedly support Mr. Smith! He paid child support for years for a child that wasn't his. The mother that trapped him should have been brought up on charges and she should have had to "reimburse" Mr. Smith for all of the childsupport that he paid for a child that was not his.

Gloria Allred, shame on you!!! Ruining a man's life when he is the victim! People need to be responsible for their actions. They should not be allowed to hold someone accountable for their mistakes! Attorney's like you are going to be the ruination of United States!

You probably all think that I'm a male but I'm a divorced mother of two! I take pride in myself, am honest to a fault and I would never even ask my ex-husband for more child support than simply to help take care of HIS biological children. He has to live too so that when he has OUR children for visitation, he has enough money to have a home with a roof and a pillow for them to sleep on, enough money to feed them when he has them. He should be able to have enough money to do something fun with them as well.

Bottom line...One should be responsible for one's actions!!!

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gewandt

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October 29, 2007, 5:39 pm PDT

paternity fraud

Quote From: fred_frog

That is a bunch of garbage. She duped him for ten years then goes on national television to show how cunning she is??? He should be able to sue her to get his money back. I will agree that the man should have handled the situation differently. He should continue to count her as his child but not

have to be required to pay child support, especially since they were not still a united family at that

time. "The Gloria" showed her butt by trying to railroad the conversation and tried many times to

stiffle the man who had been victimized in the very same way. If, as she said, the money is not important, LET HER PAY THE CHILD SUPPORT. I feel all she really wanted to do in the first place is to be on television...to keep herself in the spotlight..... and to hawk, or have Dr. Phil, hawk her book.

Evil is the word for what she did. She not only recognized her choice to lie, she managed it, and used her constellation of skills to involve the emotions of everyone involved. The law needs to help keep this from happening to anyone.

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pbunch

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October 29, 2007, 5:39 pm PDT

10/29 Parent Trap

I agree with the consultant on the show in that the Enrique should not be required to be financially responsible but should have visitation. The mother should own up and take the utmost responsibility since she is the one that caused this situation in the first place. OWN UP! My first born child's father did not want to be financially responsible and I did not hold him responsible. All I ever wanted was for him to be there for her as a father. My theory on this was if you take the man's money, you have to deal with the man - in this case he did not want this responsibility and it would have been battle after battle - I did not want my child growing up this way. I worked several jobs to make ends meet and later met my now husband who has adopted her and stepped into that fatherly role since her own father simply would not. I was truly concerned more about her well being than anything else - no matter how it strapped me financially. As soon as he heard that he would never be financially responsible, he couldn't wait to sign her away. It is about more than money! We all know that support does not mean that it supports the child anyway - let's be honest. I have a family of 7 children now. My first born that my husband adopted and we are raising as our own, 3 children my husband had from a previous marriage and 3 additional children we have together. We have had our own battles in court - wasting money on ridiculous things such as whether or not failed college courses should be covered. It is absolutely mind boggling how money can complicate issues. I believe mommy-dearest (from the show) should be able to pin point who the biological father is in this case and hold him financially responsible and let Enrique enjoy visitation providing the daughter can forgive him and they can move forward again in that same positive direction. Obviously, each case should be decided on in an as need basis - what it truly the best interest for the child but it starts by adults owning up to begin with - whether it's the man or woman...but good luck with that as people are people and it always amazes me how they will act on their own defenses first, rather than think through how decisions might effect an innocent child. :( There is more to life than money!!!

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tertiushand

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October 29, 2007, 5:39 pm PDT

Moral and Legal obligations

I think there was point that was touched around on the show but it was never quite said. I believe in this case there are two different kinds of obligations, there is the moral obligation and there is the legal obligation.

I don't believe at Enrique should be legally obligated to do anything, child support or emotional support any more than the mother was legally obligated to tell Enrique he wasn't the father. However, I do believe Enrique should be morally obligated to to still be there emotionally for the child as her father because he has been that all of her life.

If the lady in red would have stopped yelling for a minute, maybe she could understand what that means. Everything she said was right, BUT what she said was what he should be morally obligated to do, not legally obligated to do. I'm sorry lady, the world isn't perfect and you can't make it that way, if people want to be jerks, they can be. You can't make everyone moral by passing laws.

If we start making every moral decision a law, we'll all be screwed. If we are worried about the mother going on welfare, then she should have thought about that before she had the affair and before she lied to Enrique and before she committed purgury by lying on a federal document. And there she was so smuggly shaking her head at Enrique as if what he did was somehow worse that what she did.

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dsnaow_1

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October 29, 2007, 5:40 pm PDT

Enrique and Selina

I feel the mother in this case acted with fraudulent intent and ill-will. She, not Enrique, is the direct cause of Selina's hurt and confusion. However, Enrique seems like he, just like Selina, cannot just "turn-off" the father-child relations he had all those years. Rather than pay the normal amount of child support, perhaps he can set up a college or trust-fund for Selina which ONLY Selina and not her conniving mother can get. Also, he could arrange visitation, outings, and other times to spend with Selina to keep the bond they share.

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laynemullins

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October 29, 2007, 5:40 pm PDT

parent fraud

IN MY OPINON I THINK ITS ABSOLUTELY WRONG FOR A WOMAN TO LIE ABOUT TELLING A MAN THAT HE IS THE FATHER WHEN THEY KNOW HES NOT! A WOMAN KNOWS IF SHE HAS MESSED AROUND WITH 2 OR MORE GUYS AT THE SAME TIME! SO WHEN U FIND OUT YOU ARE PREGNANT U KNOW SOMEWHERE IN YOUR MIND U ARE THINKING OH MY IS IT MY HUSBANDS OR IS IT THE GUY I HAD AN AFAIR WITH? BUT WHETHER OR NOT U NEVER ATTEMPT TO TELL YOUR HUSBAND THAT THERE MIGHT BE A CHANCE HE IS NOT THE FATHER THEN THE BLAME WILL EVENTUALLY TURN ON YOU WHEN THE TRUTH IS REVEALED! BECAUSE I THINK WHEN U LIE ABOUT SOMETHING THAT BIG THEN THE TRUTH WILL EVENTUALLY COME OUT . BUT ANYWAYS I ALSO THINK THAT IF YOU FATHER A CHILD FOR SO LONG AND U AND THAT CHILD GROW A BOND THEN THAT CHILD IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY! ITS NOT THE CHILDS FAULT U ARE NOT THE DAD! I CONSIDER THAT A DEAD BEAT DAD IF U TURN YOUR BACK ON A CHILD JUST BECAUSE OF A DNA! BECAUSE MORE THAN LIKELY YOU ARE THE ONLY FATHER THAT CHILD WILL EVER KNOW !

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