Topic : 12/25 Parent Trap

Quote From: dianah

First, Dr. Phil, I feel that you "dropped the ball" on this one. You are great, don't get me wrong. However, you personally have never had to deal with a Ex with children involved. Until you are in the shoes on this one, you have no idea what plays in this game.

Also, you "lost it" at the end of the show with Mia. And to be honest, I was shocked with your tone, and attitude towards her.

 

Mia, my hat is off to you. I am a Step Mom also and until you have walked in our shoes, there is nothing to say to us. Keep standing by your Husband and stay strong. Also, by all means, you need to speak up and express your thoughts, feelings on this matter and all matter that concern your Family. This is your family and any and all matters do concern You..

 

Enrique, I am so sorry this situation has happened to you and your entire family. I do understand your reaction to the action. And I know if you could go "back", talking to Selina would have been done different. However, I feel that we all do what we think is best at the time. And sometimes it's right and other times we are wrong. I can feel and see the "loss and pain" you are having were Selina is concerned.

Please, keep trying to reach out to her. Even if you just start with writing to her. You need to be the one to reach out. And keep trying.

 

Carnell Smith.. Way to Go.. I wish there would be a entire show just on YOU.. I really wanted to hear more from you. I will check out your web site. Good luck and keep up the great work.

 

Gloria Allred. I was a huge fan of yours, until todays Show with Dr. Phil. I am still shaking my head when I hear or think of your "thoughts". Sorry, but this Women will not be supporting your book or any advice or shows in the future.

 

Maria's New Husband. Please excuse me, I forgot your name. I do want to tip my hat to you, for being a wonderful Step Parent to both of these girls.

However, my RED LIGHT came on while I was watching the show and watching you. And that Red Light is that I really hope that you give this entire situation, from A to Z.. great thought.. I have to question if you are not "thinking" about the fact that... Past actions do predict the future actions. Wishing you the best of luck. As we all know, you are going to need all the luck you can get with this Women you are with now.

 

Maria. I am sure you have "got" the point of the majority on this matter. The only thing I wish to say to you is, that you need to get some counseling and work towards "shutting your mouth" were Enrique and Selina relationship is concerned. These two and also the other daughter, need to rebuild their relationship, which YOU destroyed.

Rest assure, this little girl, will grow up and everything will be crystal clear to her. And if you do not stop the damage you are doing now, it will hit you in the tail in years to come.

 

 

 

Quote From: no_justice

I have no idea who Carnell Smith or Gloria Allred is, but it sounds like both of them need to do what most judges and attorneys in Chancery Court need to do. (For those who are not familiar with injustice that means they need to get their head out of their crack.) I hope Enrique no longer has to pay child support to a child that is not his biological child. I hope the mother of that child has to return every penny of illegal child support she stole from Enrique. I hope the mother gets the child support her child deserves from the biological father, who should have been paying child support from the very beginning if he is alive and able to do so. Every man that has been paying child support to a child that is not his biological child should sue Gloria Allred and people similar to her to send a message that men who are not the biological father of a child should not have to continue the lie of being the biological father and they should not have to continue paying for a child that is not their biological child. Once a man has discovered that he is not the biological father of a child and he still wants to be a father to that child and pay child support to the child he should be allowed to do so of his own choice and he should be commended for doing an honorable deed. And that child should thank him for it and be grateful that he or she has a man like him in his or her life.

This paragraph is in response to the first 5 messages posted on October 27, 2007 by Princess1, lovthesand1, vixiex, joyklein and archladydi respectively. In some states the child can sue the biological father, after the age of 18 years, and get the child support money he or she did not receive. Be glad the biological father was not in your sons life and stop thanking god and thank your husband for being who he is and hopefully your son is grateful for having a real man in his life. In the real world and in America women do NOT have an advantage over men. Any man who is being "accused" of being the biological father of a child should immediately request a DNA test if he is in doubt. If he does not then he must want to pay child support for a child that is not his biological child. And if a man does not want any children, he can always get a vasectomy and prevent future children he does not want to be responsible for. I agree, fathers are more than a checkbook, but for those who are not fathers they can be good providers and the woman and the mans biological child should be grateful for that at least. If two people want a special bond to remain in tack, they will ignore that lack of biology and continue the love that was meant to be and be grateful for one another. Women do ask for DNA test. If a man truly wants to know if a child is his biological child he will take the DNA test or request it himself. Women who know that a man is not the father and just flat out lie should be legally prosecuted in some way. Maybe not jail, unless it is an absolute last resort, but punishment is definitely in order. And I hope all men falsely accused can some day find peace. Again, a man can request a DNA test and should if he feels he is not the biological father. I, personally, am sick and tired of hearing about the rights of mothers and fathers. I want to hear about the rights of children. No one is fighting for their rights. What do the children want? Who do the children want to live with? When will the children be listened too. The children should go to the parent that is emotionally capable of raising the child in a stable loving environment. If the child is happy where he or she is, leave him or her where he or she is. And the father should not get a free pass from his responsibilities. Lying and dodging responsibility is not acceptable from either biological parent.

I know I will miss a good show that day and I probably will not be able to read any more comments after today, but I wish you all well.

Quote From: epctech

It's all good, because I am happy to raise any child that is in need of a Father, because all children do need a Father and Mother figure one way or another! However I would like to chime in and share more of a positive note with a few others....

When growing up, my father frequently reminded me to "pay attention to the details." That saying became very real to me in the area of parenting. While raising children, the details make great differences in development.

Being that children are people and not machines, the kind of detailing needed is different. Focusing on the externals of name brand clothing, perfect hair and having the most extensive collection of expensive toys are not the kind of attention needed. Such efforts will result in the child feeling rejected and learning to substitute material objects and appearances for love.

Children need the attention of their parents. The areas of their lives and abilities given attention will develop most. If the majority of parental attention is given to not standing correctly or not finishing tasks, these areas will develop further. In situations where habitual fault-finding occurs, the child eventually takes all that criticism inside and turns it on themselves. Such methods often lead to unmotivated children with low-self-esteem.

Many adult parents still carry emotional scars from harsh fault-finding from parents. A good common sense rule is, "If you would not let anyone talk to you like you talk to your child, you need to make some changes." Sadly, many children suffer in quiet desperation as victims of harsh treatment, that the parent justifies by telling themselves "it's for their own good," or "I only do it because I love them so much." Such displays are not experienced by the children as "love."

Children need attention given to the details of their lives. The attention they need the most is from their parents. They need encouragement in specific and tangible terms. Statements like, "It puts a smile in my heart, when you show teamwork by playing nicely with your brother" make a child beam. Find them doing good things and bring that to their attention. Identify the specific talent, how it is used and your reaction to it. Train their young minds to search for their talents with the same kind of attention to detail that may have previous been devoted to fault-finding. It also helps to identify internal or character qualities to praise rather than external appearances.

By developing these qualities, the child will always carry those qualities with them, regardless of age. Children do want to please their parents. The challenge many children face is that they often do not know what does please their parents.

Focusing on the details when children do good is important. Such an approach is detailed enough for children to understand what they did good and how it made you feel. Parents often devote too much detail to fault-finding. When the attention to detail is directed to finding good, it results in motivated children with strong self-esteems. If the devil is in the details, perhaps the saints are also. Ask George Bush about the good vs evil :P

Anyhow sorry to ramble, just wanted to share a bit of positive light on this subject of children.

Good luck and hope everyone has a happy weekend!

Quote From: bouncer35

l think what he did was wrong, just wrong. the mother should of been upfront long time ago and said that he mighgt not be the father. now the daughter has to suffer more then he is and the mother. l do know that laws r different in every state. l am from michigan and the law states here that no matter who the mother slept with the man she is married to is the father. like l said the laws r different. lm just disgusted that the parents have put this young lady in the middle and she is the one really suffering.

Quote From: ladyaccord

It is so wrong for women to allow men to think that they are the father to children that do not belong to them.  I don't think that these men should be forced to pay child support for kids they did not father.  I think that once they find out they are not the father, it should be the man's choice to decide whether to continue the support or not.  I think some how, some way the mother should be held accountable. 

 

It seems like the law is set up for women that lie and make bad choices.  I needed some assistance when I had my son, his father (my fiancee was living 2 hours away).  I needed help while I was on maternity leave, because I lived in an apartment alone and I needed to pay the rent.  However, the lady told me in order to receive any type of help I had to file child support on my son's father and she said the money they gave me to help with my rent, would not have to be paid back by me, but they would have to go after the father for the money.  This was absurd to me.  I told the lady that I was engaged and he takes care of this child and that I only needed help for a few months.  Sad thing is people told me before I went there that I need to lie about my son's father.  They told me I would not receive help if I told the truth and they were right.  I just could not bring myself to lie, that is so wrong.  I feel like women that are honest and try to do right get the bad end of the stick.