Topic : 12/25 Parent Trap

ALL the adults in this situation made it very clear that they were all about the money.  Not that Enrique should have to pay, but he doesn't want to??  Let's face it, single parents pay for their kids because they FEEL obligated.  They could easily say "I'm not going to buy anything for you until the other parent helps me out" but they don't out of a SENSE of obligation to the child.  Where is Enrique's obligation to the daughter he raised for 10 years???  He doesn't care about her well being (and YES, I mean financial too) anymore because she isn't his blood??  That isn't a indicator of manhood.  REAL MEN support children (yes with money) who aren't theirs EVERYDAY.  Isn't the monetary cost worth it for that child?? Or is money the be all end all in this situation??

 

You can point fingers at Mia and blame her all day. Yes, she was wrong.  But who really loses when we base whether or not we will provide for children on if they are our blood relatives or not??  We get children who cannot rely on ANYONE.

You choose who you sleep with!  You choose to get pregnant, or continue a pregnancy! Then you should choose to be financially responsible for the child!!!  These woman chose to DUPE these men into believing it was their child!! Shame on any mother who CHOOSES this.  The Children should be pissed at the MOTHER!!!!!   SHE CHOSE ALL OF IT!!!!!

After watching my Dr. Phil tape, I just have to vent a little...

I am from a messed up parenting situation myself. My birth certificate shows "Father's Name: * * * * *" and my mother knew exactly who it was. She was mad (both are stubborn as can be) at him, and I guess this was her way to get back at him. Back in the 60's, she went thru the courts and requested child support, my dad said NO - and that was the end of it. Thankfully, that doesn't fly anymore.

 

I grew up with numerous stepfathers - instictively knowing at a young age that none were my "real" dad. Around 13, my mother had a talk with me and told me my father's full name (I memorized it) - the subject was to never be brought up again - it was more of a lecture of why not to have sex (I was an accident), than anything else. At 18, I decided to look Mr. B. up.

 

Thankfully it was easy to find my biological father...and he wasn't an axe murderer.

 

Presently, we have a good father/daughter relationship. I am over 90% of the past...I don't know if I'll ever lose the annoyance that he chose to NOT pay any child support for a child he KNEW was his.

 

Back to the show...

Gloria Allred just about had me spitting nails! She obviously is speaking only from the perspective of the laws in her state...versus, what is really right to do. Yes, the child is MOST important in the situation - this doesn't give the dishonest mother the right to require child support!!

 

Enrique was very wrong in denying his daughter her dad just because of lacking DNA results. He should not be required to pay for that sin by having to pay child support for any child that is not biologically his. If he was to legally adopt her...that would make it all different. If that crossed his mind, and he chose not to...he should have still remained an important person in her life - full of the love he had before finding out the results of the DNA test.

 

Unless I missed it, Dr. Phil didn't seem to search out the biological father for his take on this. I bet he hasn't a clue that he has a child/or another child. The mother intentionally deceived her husband at the time, the biological father and herself....and the daughter is one taking all the fallout.

 

I don't normally stand in front of the tv wanting to smack someone. I felt like wiping the smugness right off the mother's face...

 

Because of the time that has gone by...I think the stepfather should be allowed to adopt the daughter and give her a sense of being loved that much. I think the mother should be required to repay "wrongfully received" child support. I also think that Enrique should do whatever it takes to warrant a friendly relationship with the person who he used to consider his daughter - as long as that's her desire...until then, he needs to be available. And all the adults in this situation can get off their lawsuit-happy high- horses and stop thinking about themselves.

 

This is one of the few times I am disappointed in Dr. Phil's take on the show. I know he isn't a lawyer and maybe that is why he was stand-offish in opinions. I look forward to a follow up with more facts and a very happy daughter.

 

  

I agree, Gloria was way out of Line with this one....The mother should have to REPAY the man she falsely accused of being the father.  Maybe more woman would think about the consequences before they name a man that is not the biological father!!!  Why aren't the kids ticked off at the mother for screwing them up.  The father should not be blameds....Just another Mothers point of view

I am personally in this situation and can speak from my own experience.  My son is now 15 years old, and I would never imagine not having him in my life.  Yes, I pay child support.  My feeling is that it should not be court ordered, but a choice I make to help support him.  I believe that my ex-wife would not be as capable of providing him with the things he needs in order to live in a stable environment, etc. without my help. 

 

Funny enough, now he wants to move in with me and I live a few states away.  She is using the fact that I am not the biological father as reason enough not to allow him the opportunity.  I have been the only father he has ever known and treat him the same as his older brother and sister.  I find it ironic that she has no problems cashing the child support check, letting him visit for Christmas and summers, but refuses to allow him to live with me.  My only thought is that she is worried about losing the money and not allowing him to live in a different environment. 

 

AS for Enrique and his situation, I can certainly understand why he is upset.  Like many others have already stated, his actions have caused irreparable harm to a child, the innocent bystander in this mess.  He shouldn't be required to pay child support, but if he wants a relationship he should be willing to help support her.  Just my opinion. 

Its very sad, but the mother is totally responsible for messing up the life of the child.  Those fathers are victims along with the children.   All Child support monies collected, should have to be repaid, and if the father and the child can still salvage a relationship GREAT!!!!   Shame on the Mothers, and why are their kids not mad at the Mothers?  I don't get that??? I am a mother and would never do anything intentional to screw my kids up.  These woman have to be selfish and greedy!! Why don't they go after the Biological Father?  Did he not make enough money, and the support would not be what they are expecting? Shame, Shame, Shame on any mother who would do this!!!!

Until you are in his shoes you don't know what you would do and did you not see how sorry he was for hurting her.  The truth of the matter is that she would have been hurt no matter how she was told.  And please leave the new wife alone she was just looking out for her husband like any good wife should.  The one you should be upset with is Maria she was the start of all this mess, she is the one that had NO compasion for any one involved here.  People keep talking about the child and the consequences this may have on her.  I think it is better for her to know now that she is still young and able to define herself in a clearer more accurate way and learn how to trust others again than when she is a grown woman and her entire life has been a lie.  I agree we are more than molecules and DNA but because we are more than that we are also not perfect, so please don't condem them when you don't know all the truth.  and please explain what you mean by fullness of time because no amount of time will ever repair the damage, and hurt Maria has caused this family.

I 100% agree with you!! How dare you play GOD with your own child! You should be the one one who has to pay him child support for all those years you lied to him.

It is amazing to me how many people are not thinking about the children.  Who cares if you have been lied to..... who cares if you have to pay child support.  The adults are making adult decisions that children have to live with.  We can only hope the innocent are not hurt by the decisions.  It takes two .... let's not think Enrique is innocent in this.  There was obviously more going on in their marriage and it wasn't all her fault. 

Eleven years ago I had an affair.  It was an affair of circumstance.  It wasn't until years later that I realized why I had the affair.  Five years ago I learned that over our 18 year marriage my husband has had five affairs.  I was miserable for years and didn't know why.  My husband was very inattentive.  He was not there for me.  I found a friend who I could talk to about anything.  I didn't understand my feelings.  I had no idea that the lack of affection from my husband for years had really made me desperate.  I needed just what this person was able to give me.  I needed all of it except the child we conceived.  That threw a wrench into the whole thing.  While I was pregnant my husband found out about the affair and the possibility that he may not have fathered this child.  I didn't tell him.... he found out.  I was thankful he found out because I didn't have it in me to tell him.  I just couldn't find the words.  I did leave, but found myself returning shortly.  I did not leave with the other man.  I left the state, left them both.  I was devastated my husband found out and I prayed daily that he was the father.  My prayers were answered.  My husband told me that DNA was not necessary.  That no test would tell him he wasn't the father.  We chose not to have DNA tests.  We chose the path for our child that was the least traumatic.  He told me he was the father and that was that. 

It is quite obvious with two blond haired, blue eyed children and then the third being brown hair and hazel eyes that there is a very distinct possibility that his genes are different.  But you couldn't tell by their relationship.  When the baby was very young he was gravely ill.  I had called the other man and asked if there was any medical history I would need to know to help out my son.  He had an attorney call me and tell me that if I contacted him more or pursued this in anyway he would go for full custody of my son.   I immediately contacted an attorney.  She informed me that it was in my childs best interest never to have DNA testing done.  That so long as I kept that door closed, noone could open it.  There is a two year window to preserve the family unit.  This statute of limitations is there to protect children from being dumped after ten years.  It is to protect the innocent.  It is a good and fair law.  Sometimes people get caught up in it and that is unfortunate.  Not every law is perfect.  But for the majority of people it works.

I only slept with two people in my life.  I know that what I did was wrong and I am terrified my actions will hurt my son.  I only hope the way we handled things were the best for him.  Obviously my husband and I needed some help and we have gotten that and continue to work on our relationship constantly.  We are in a place now that we could never have been before all of this.  Our eyes were opened.  Our hearts were searched.  We found what was important to us and we chose to make it our #1 goal. 

Not long ago I found newspaper articles regarding the other man.  I found out he was murdered by his inlaws over a custody dispute.  I was devastated by this fact, because I would never want to see anyone hurt... I was also relieved by this because for years I always felt as though I had to look over my shoulder.  I always felt I had to hide, so that he would not come and steal my son. 

In my case...... if we were to divorce....... and the other man was still alive.... who should pay child support?  This is why the laws are in  place.  It takes emmotion out of the equation and looks at the best interest of the child.  Is it now, as two adults chose to split, in the best interest of my child to tell him his father is not his father and his biological father is not interested?  If we were not divorcing this would not be an issue.  Why all of a sudden do we make it a problem for the child?  I would hope we would be adults and handle it in a way to protect the innocence of our children.  I feel so bad for Selena in this story.  She in no way should have been subjected to this.  It is not her mothers fault how her father chose to handle this situation.  Her mother may have been wrong, but we don't always owe it to our children to tell them we had an adulterous affair.  In this case Enrique and Mia never once thought about the child.  Shame on them.  The outcome of the affair isn't always black and white.  But the outcome of what this father did was perfectly clear before he did it.  He abused Selena and is now neglecting her and is getting away with it.  All in the name of MONEY.  Money comes and money goes.  These people are real people dealing with this issue now daily.  How dare Enrique dispute the adoption too.  If he throws her away at least let her have the stability of a father from someone else.  He obviously has no idea what is best for Selena.  Let's hope he can no longer have children.  I hope that the relationship between Enrique and Selena can be fixed but if not, please let her have some satisfaction out of all of this.  She has chosen her new stepfather to be her father.  Let him adopt her.  He is standing up for the innocent.  I applaud him for his efforts.  It isn't always easy to stand up and father another mans child, but it is done quite often and is necessary in this world now more than ever.  There are too many fatherless children in this world.  It is devastating to our whole society.  Make Enrique man up and pay his support, or let her be adopted. 

Cartwright, I think that is one of the most horrible will stories that I have ever heard.  You are left with both parents gone not being able to make peace about this with either one.  It is as if he did not have the courage to face you in life with his doubt.  Somehow, however. it was important enough to him for you to have the knowledge and be disinherited.  Punished for the sins of others, so to speak.  I don't know if you believe in an after life- I do.  I think that he now realizes the pain his final act in this world caused you.  If he were here now he would probably tell you that he was sorry. 

 

A father is much more than DNA.  Try telling the parents who adopt that they are not the real parents. 

 

I hope that Enrique reads this too.  We all see that you were duped.  We understand that your ex cheated and lied in a most cruel way.  That little girl paid the price for that.  Tell your daughter you love her.  She IS your daughter.   This is not about money.  It is about you letting her know that you realize the pain that you caused that child and telling her you are sorry.  I don't hear Cartwright bemoaning the lose of money in her beautiful story she shared with us.  She lost so much more.