Topic : 12/25 Parent Trap

Dr. Phill,

           I was watching the show thinking what the heck did that woman think she was doing. How can she justify lying tohim for years. I think that this is the worst possible lie to tell someone. most responsible men would definately try to take care of his children. now that woman says that if you accept responsibility and its later proven you are not the father you still have to pay. I pay child support for a child i had before marriage. if for some reason it was proven it wasn't mine i would deffinately stop paying. i might not stop talking to the child but the mother would be cut off. and i would probably sue the mother for lying. women say men lie all the time, but we don't lie about things that would affect someones life in that manner. this is wrong. it shouldn't happen this way. i am in a hurry so this may not even be cohearent but i just had to say something.,

This very thing happened to my husband too.  Mom had 7 year affair with a total loser.  She knew he would never pay and the law assumes husband is father.  My husband found out 15 years later.  Entire family conspired to hide truth from him.  In fact bullied him every opportunity they could.  "Just shut up and keep sending me the checks!"  When they divorced she received alimony and child support for 2 kids.  She was never really eligable for alimony because of the affair.  She denied everything until the exboyfriend fessed up to his wife.  It fell like a house of cards.  It all made sense then.  He told his daughter in a very loving way that Nothing changed between them but her mom had lied.  Everyone knew on her moms side of the family.  She has never been treeated differently since the truth came out.  Mom never apolgolzed.  Just hid behind her mother and continued to sue my husband for child support that he stopped as soon as we found out.  We have tried for over 5 years to reslove the issue here in NC.  The law protects children from bastardy which is understandable but so many scared mothers out there know the law is on their side.  They are never punished and the real responsible ones are never financially accountable.  Mr Darnell is so right.  Ms.  Allread tries to divert from the issue by raising that some parnets do not pay support at all.  That has nothing to do with fraud.

Bottom line....prepear to spend a college fund and most of your life paying for someones elses indiscretion.  The truth is always better than lies upon lie for the children.  This has made her question her mother and her self-esteem has suffered.  Not because her father who raised her, but the mother who raised her with her hand out.

I hope that in some way more shows can be focused on how common this really is.  How much this has cost fathers emotionally and financially.  How much it has cost the children who eventually find out.  The mothers who claim they didnt know or they were scared.  If the father had a kid from an affair and brought the child into the marriage there is no way the mom would support the kid financially if there was a divorce.  Put the shoe on the other foot!

It appeared to me that what drove this was the new wife and her jealousy. It didnt appear to be the money, even though that was what everyone was yelling about. Anything the new wife could do to prove her husbands past marriage and relationships inside of that marriage were terrible makes their new marriage look perfect. This total lack of concern for his children and her insistance to keep pushing the adultry issue was very telling. Yes the ex was wrong in her adulterous behavior and then lies. But that has nothing to do with the relationship the kids had with their father. I have sat by an watched while my ex allowed his new wife to put a wedge between he and our kids. She loved destroying all of the positive memories having to do with the kids and our life. I am of the opinion that the new wife on this show never even considered the emotional bond between this man and his kids. I feel her needling and pushing him towards DNA and "truth" was really all about destroying the emotional tie between the two marriages.  It would be interesting to see if the new wife has any children of her own. In my opinion her behavior is far more harmful to both families than the affair was. She is a controlling and heartless. The dad was spineless. I wonder how many times he wanted to ignore his wifes forceful, continual, horrific baggering advice and just be this young girls dad. How much did her pressuring him play on all of the decissions he made over these last few years. Very sad for all involved.

When Enrique went to his exwife and she told him the child wasn't his, she should have at that time initiated the conversation with Enrique about what was best for the child.  She should have right then and there taken responsibility for her deceit, disclaiming child support.  This wouldn't have lessened Enrique's shock and hurt but maybe defused the situation so that he had some time to think about it.   She seemed very self righteous for someone who had not only deceived the man she supposedly loved, but the children she "cared" so much about.  Very selfish woman! 

I hate to stereotype, but when it comes to matters of the children, women are far more sensitive to their feelings and the later outcome of a bad situation in the child's life.  The new wife should have been more supportive of the fact that this man had raised this child from birth.  Since he obviously trusted her instinct and judgement, she should have been insistent on making the child the priority.  There were other ways to deal with this.  If the court ordered child support continue to be paid, he could have put it in a trust for the child, something, anything so the child still felt loved and the mother had to deal with the deception.

I watched last night's Dr. Phil show with undivided attention because this situation truely infuriates me.

A little about me - I am an unmarried, 32 year old male.  I do not have any kids, so a lot of my viewpoints are black and white.  And there is very little of a "grey area" with me, if any at all.

Now, although I agree that 10-year-old Selina needed to be told that Enrique was not her bio-father, I do not agree with how he went about telling her (just the two of them at the playground).  I think all parties should have sat down together along with a family doctor and discussed the situation.  To totally cut-off all relations with Selina was a bad decision on Enrique's part and I believe he did admit that on the show.

Here's the one thing that troubled me though.  Is the cheating ex-wife, Maria, more interested in Selina's child-support payments or a relationship between Enrique/Selina?  Carnell was eluding to that question, but of course, a commercial break had to be taken and that question was not explored further when the show resumed.  During the whole show, Maria played the Selina/Enrique "relationship" card the most.  The question Dr. Phil or Canell or someone should have asked Maria:

"If Selina and Enrique continue to have a relationship, would it be acceptable for the child-support payments to stop?"

Answering this question would determine Maria's intentions:

1. If Maria said 'yes', then she truely wants Selina to have a relationship with Enrique, regardless of any outside factors (e.g. money).
2. If Maria said 'no', then she is definitely more interested in the money than the Selina/Enrique relationship.

My bet would be on Maria saying 'no'.  She just didn't get it.  Throughout the entire show, she had a grin/smile on her face and that disgusted me.  I was happy to see Enrique's wife shut her up by saying none of this was a laughing matter.  Maria needs to wake up and face the fact that Enrique owes Selina nothing because she is not his bio-daughter.  In fact, if I were Enrique, I would sue her for unjust enrichment.

Like I said in the beginning of this bulletin, I am a 32-year-old, unmarried, kid-less male.  Situations like this scare me to death, which is why my choice is never to get married or have kids of my own.  Some of my friends and/or people I tell this to say I am being selfish.  Who am I being selfish to - a future girlfriend I've never met, an unborn child, who?

I wish all the guests good luck & I seriously hope Maria gets professional help.

I'm hoping that this show will trigger other sequels that will help in the debate of paternity fraud.  Thank you Dr. Phil for having this show. 

Children should know who their biological father is because of possible genetic problems down the road.  And how is a man suppose to feel when he finds out he is not the father?  To look at the child in the eyes and know that he is being duped. Yes, he may still love her, but will feel hurt.

My opinion is that men should not pay for a child that is not theirs.  I am a mother of 3 and grandmother of 10, and I certainly don't side with Gloria Allred and her politics.  What happened to the moral obigation to tell the truth? And is winning (her book) the most important thing in this society?  No!