Topic : 12/25 Parent Trap

Quote From: mphtxaggie

I was in this exact situation and it literally makes me sick to my stomach.  I played the part of Mia.  My HS sweetheart and I broke up when he graduated from HS b/c he was a year older than me and he left for college.  We tried to stay in touch, but somehow it was lost once we both moved on our separate ways.

 

Through a mutual friend I had heard he got a girl pregnant and was marrying her because he wanted to do the noble thing.  He dropped out of college to work THREE jobs to support his new baby and wife.  Since he married only out of duty, the marriage was destined to end, which it did just one year later.

 

When the child was 5 is when my HS sweetheart and I got back in touch.  Once again, a mutual friend had run into him and given him my number.  The first time I saw the child, I had my doubts but I kept my mouth shut because we were reconnecting on a friend level.  Once we started dating again and it became pretty serious, I told him what I thought.  He just would not believe me.  We fought and fought over this issue.

 

He finally took a DNA test.  We did one from home because we did not want to make such accusations unless we were certain they were true.  We told the little girl that it was just a test for the doctor.  She had no idea what was going on.  She was 6 by the time this happened...the first time.

 

The alleged father is excluded as the biological father of the child.  The alleged father lacks the genetic markers that must be contributed to the child by the biological father.  Based on testing obtained from DNA analysis, the probability of paternity is 0%.

 

I have never seen a man as devastated.  When I got home from work he was on the floor I found him curled up in a ball on the floor rocking back and forth holding his daughter's carebear that we had given her for Christmas.  It was horrific.  He called his ex-wife and told her that he knew the truth and that his daughter was not his.  She said she didn't care and that he still had to pay child support.

 

He was barely making any money since he dropped out of college.  He was working out at the airport as a luggage handler.  He had given up the past 7 years of his life for her.  He wanted to stay in his daughter's life, so he dropped it.  I was the breadwinner and I told him that I would no longer be spending money on his ex-wife's child.  Afterall, she is still friends with the REAL father, but won't hold him responsible.

 

Two years went by before we had the money to take legal action.  I did most of the work myself at the law library and we hired a lawyer at the very end.  He wanted to see his child, but did not feel that he should pay to see her.  The mother disagreed, she withheld the child unless we paid.  The mother obviously did not have the child's best interest at hand.  She was selfish and used the child as a pawn.  He ended up having to pay her $5K to allow him to sign off on his parental rights. 

 

This was just one year ago when his daughter was nearly 9 years old.  The worst part is that the mother never let him have closure and say goodbye.  We dropped her back off on a Sunday evening and didn't know that we would never see her again.  What's even worse is that HIS mother still sees the child and is friends with the ex and her family.  I have always wondered what they told the little girl and if she thinks her Daddy just vanished.  It makes me sick to know that she doesn't know the TRUTH of what a good man the father that raised her for the first 8 years of her life was.

 

When we first resumed our friendship, he had his little girl ALL the time b/c the mother wanted to go out partying all the time and didn't want the responsibility of having a child.  She never even stayed at one house more than two consecutive nights.  I put my foot down and we kept her every weekend so that we knew she was at least getting SOME consistency.

 

Regardless, we broke up after all of this because the stress of it weighed too much on both of our hearts.  We still live together while he is working full time and going to college full time.  It helps us both out financially.  I just hope that he can have a chance at true love and a true family of his own someday.  NO ONE should EVER have to endure the pain I have witnessed first hand.

 

It makes me physically ill that the mothers think this is funny and that they did NOTHING wrong.  Let's remember that the DAD'S are NOT WRONG for walking away.  The MOTHERS are WRONG for starting this mess in the first place.  I am 100% certain that neither my ex-boyfriend, nor Enrique, would have walked away from their daughters if the MOTHERS would not have gone after them for child support.

 

Let me say that I come from a good, Christian family.  My parents have been married almost 34 years.  I graduated from Texas A&M University with a major in Accounting and I am working my CPA.  This can happen to ANYONE.

 

Below is a letter I sent to the Attorney General.  I got no response and House Bill 437 wasn't even read on the floor while in session.  Some of the names have been changed for privacy.  Sorry for the long post...this subject just really hits home with me.  It literally makes my blood boil to know that this child AND the father that raised her are BOTH victims and the mother has no shame and no consequence.

 

April 16, 2005

 

Office of the Attorney General

PO Box 12548

Austin, TX  78711-2548

 

 

 

Mr. Attorney General:

 

This story begins with a manipulative 17-year-old girl.  Not even a high school education completed.  In fact, her senior year had yet to begin.  The decision to make: Who will be the father of my child?  My 17 year old ex boyfriend who pushed me to get an abortion or my new 20-year-old boyfriend that has no clue that he is not the real father who I know will marry me and support me?  The decision seems clear.

 

The decision was made and lives would ultimately be destroyed because of a selfish decision.

 

A young man, age 20, patiently sitswaiting for what seems a lifetime but is actually only a mere 60 seconds.  There are 1,440 60-second intervals in one day.  This particular 60 seconds is about to change a young mans life foreverHe is about to become a father.

 

The young mans name is David.

 

The mother: 17-year-old Amy.

 

Amy was right.  David was excited to be a father.  He would never have considered abortion like the real father had.  She was also right about him marrying her and supporting her.  And all the while he was completely oblivious to the fact that there was a chance that he might not be the father.

 

David dropped out of college in order to work two jobs to support what he was told was his.  The deceit had begun.  He had a long, hard life in front of him.

 

December 16, 1998.  This is the date that an innocent child was born into a tangled web of lies.  Her very own mother: the culprit.

 

One month after the birth of their child, David married Amy just like she had planned.  Not out of love, but out of duty.  After all, he thought he had gotten his girlfriend pregnant.  All along Amy knew the truth: that David was just the chosen one.  Eight months later they were separated.  A year followed and the divorce was final.

 

David was still there for his daughter, keeping her more than the divorce decree stated and paying more in child support than was ordered.  After all, this was his childso he thought.  David is an exceptional father.  He tries to compensate for not having a father himself.  He is a loving and compassionate man.

 

As the years passed little bits of information and thoughts that David had of the past did not add up in his head.  He pushed the evidence and thoughts back to the far end of his heart and mind.  Surely another individual could not be capable of concocting such lies that would deem his worst nightmare truethat his daughter was not his.  After all, he had given up on his own life in order to ensure that his daughter was taken care of.

 

Six years passed since the day David became a father.  His life is finally back on track.  Now 27, he is back in school full time because he sees that having a college degree is something that is very important for his future.  Recently there came a breaking point.  He had to know the truth; a truth that he had put off knowing for the sake of saving his heart.  A DNA test was submitted.  The results:

 

The alleged father is excluded as the biological father of the child.  The alleged father lacks the genetic markers that must be contributed to the child by the biological father.  Based on testing obtained from DNA analysis, the probability of paternity is 0%.

 

Davids world has come crashing down.  Not only did he realize he had lived the past almost seven years of his life in a world of manipulation and deceit, but he also has to continue paying the person who did this to him.  A monthly fee for the next 19 years child support.  This amounts to several tens of thousands of dollars.

In Davids case, the biological father is known.  He just does not want to have the burden of child support.  Right now Texas Law supports dishonest women and deadbeat dads and makes innocent men pay for it. I know this man.  He does not deserve this injustice.  No man does.  Honest women do not support defrauding innocent men. On behalf of David, I fully stand for and support House Bill 437. PLEASE PASS HOUSE BILL 437.  PLEASE FREE THE VICTIMS OF THIS SINFUL CRIME.  PATERNITY FRAUD SHOULD NOT BE REWARDED!  CRIME SHOULD NOT PAY! Respectfully,   mph

 

 

 

Quote From: mommy2nicholas

"HOW DARE YOU  PUT A PRICE ON YOUR LOVE FOR A CHILD AND TREAT THEM LIKE A COMMODITY!!!"-that is exactly what her mother has done. She is against ANY reunification but demands the cash.
What a selfish selfish woman!!!

Quote From: chatelaine

 The four principals all play a part in this psychodrama.  First, the mother who had an affair, hid it, but gave hints that the child was not going to look like his daughter, out of a guilty conscience.  Two, the legal father who was timid about pursuing the issue, but formed a bond with the daughter.  This was the first thing that popped into my mind after Dr. Phil had laid out the problem:  this man must have formed a bond with the daughter, doesn't he consider that bond before he makes a hasty decision?  And Gloria Allred is right, the circumstances under which the father told the daughter she wasn't his were terrible and traumatizing.  Three, the new wife shows the balls the father should have in pursuing the issue.  She goes to the mat for her husband on the show, and becomes overly involved.  And Chris, the mother's new husband, tries to do the right thing, and gets criticized by the father for it.  Why not a compromise?  Partial financial support for the daughter by the legal father.  That would help to pave the way to reopen a dialog between father and daughter, because after all, the daughter who seems open to some kind of relationship after seeing her dad's pain over his hasty decision, could very well ask herself, aren't I worth some kind of financial support?  Completely abandoning his financial obligation, as well as severing all emotional ties only intensifies the pain the girl is going through.  I understand the father's outrage and sense of betrayal, but he needs to get beyond it and do what is necessary to restore the relationship with the girl.  And his new wife could get in the way of that, since she seems to pour more fuel on the fire.  In the end, I'm down with both Dr. Phil and Gloria.  The mother messed up big time, but the father needs to take the high road and do the right thing, so he needn't criticize Chris, who is trying to do the right thing on his behalf.

Quote From: chatelaine

 The four principals all play a part in this psychodrama.  First, the mother who had an affair, hid it, but gave hints that the child was not going to look like his daughter, out of a guilty conscience.  Two, the legal father who was timid about pursuing the issue, but formed a bond with the daughter.  This was the first thing that popped into my mind after Dr. Phil had laid out the problem:  this man must have formed a bond with the daughter, doesn't he consider that bond before he makes a hasty decision?  And Gloria Allred is right, the circumstances under which the father told the daughter she wasn't his were terrible and traumatizing.  Three, the new wife shows the balls the father should have in pursuing the issue.  She goes to the mat for her husband on the show, and becomes overly involved.  And Chris, the mother's new husband, tries to do the right thing, and gets criticized by the father for it.  Why not a compromise?  Partial financial support for the daughter by the legal father.  That would help to pave the way to reopen a dialog between father and daughter, because after all, the daughter who seems open to some kind of relationship after seeing her dad's pain over his hasty decision, could very well ask herself, aren't I worth some kind of financial support?  Completely abandoning his financial obligation, as well as severing all emotional ties only intensifies the pain the girl is going through.  I understand the father's outrage and sense of betrayal, but he needs to get beyond it and do what is necessary to restore the relationship with the girl.  And his new wife could get in the way of that, since she seems to pour more fuel on the fire.  In the end, I'm down with both Dr. Phil and Gloria.  The mother messed up big time, but the father needs to take the high road and do the right thing, so he needn't criticize Chris, who is trying to do the right thing on his behalf.

Quote From: justbehonest

WE NEED MORE WOMEN LIKE YOU IN THE WORLD! THANKS FOR SHARING YOUR STORY!

Quote From: mommy2nicholas

"HOW DARE YOU  PUT A PRICE ON YOUR LOVE FOR A CHILD AND TREAT THEM LIKE A COMMODITY!!!"-that is exactly what her mother has done. She is against ANY reunification but demands the cash.
What a selfish selfish woman!!!

Quote From: mfarrimond

I have never felt so compelled to write as I do over this circumstance.  I consider myself fair, and there is no fair in this mess!  First, (as someone who worked in law for 22 years), I'm disgusted at Gloria A.  You can promote the law, and justice, at the same time.  She did neither!  She is a disgrace to the legal profession and was obviously looking for a promotional opportunity. 

 

Yes, Enrique was wrong for abandoning his daughter emotionally and physically and shame on him and his new wife for allowing that to occur.  Shame on him for creating this abandonment in the first place and,  seeing as how the new wife was the one bent on justice in the first place, shame on the new wife to allow this injustice to a child. 

 

However . . . Enrique is NOT  responsible for financial support and the biological father should be sought in this regard, including arrears (if not attached to the mother for her deceit).  In fact, in the interest of healing these relationships, it is unconscionable that the mother (ex-wife) would even ask for child support; where do her interests "really" lie?  In making amends to all parties involved or getting her child support check.  She appeared a gloating, self-righteous woman who no doubt will cheat on her apparently kind hearted new husband.  She is a disgrace to ALL women of respect and honor and should be put in her place and not allowed to make such smug and demeaning behavior. 

 

PLEASE Dr. Phil get to the "real" background of this matter and tell the parties the truth that they need to hear (especially that dispicable mother).  I see this mom as manipulative and conniving for money and wanting to be the sole love of these girls.  I don't think she'll let Enrique make amends for his behavior.  She'll get in the way of any healing these kids can do with their Dad (oh, and blame the lack of progress on him).

 

Quote From: gdomingo

What are talking about?   Since when it is O.K. for women to lie?  That woman should be put in jail and if I was her daughter I would make her accountable for her actions.  Stop being one of those women that blames man for their shortcomings.