Topic : 12/25 Parent Trap

I have 3 children and I, too, have learned from experience, that there are always 2 sides.  But if you are so concerned about the children, you will take into consideration that children are not stupid-although parents constantly treat them like they are, which pisses me off indescribably.  They deserve love and healthy supportive relationships with authority figures in their lives-including, but not limited to-their parents-Yes.  But they also deserve to know the truth.

Dr. Phil, I can't believe you didn't explain the other option, besides lying to them or destroying them with abandonment.  How about TELLING THEM THE TRUTH?!!!!  Kids appreciate being spoken to with dignity, love, respect, and consideration.  If you don't tell them that the main paternal figure in their life is not their father, they are going to have truckloads of baggage as adults-simply because they won't know who to trust!  On what level is that the right thing to do?

You-as a father-can say to them:  "I love you, you are so important to me, and this (issue of paternity) has nothing to do with you.  It's not your fault, it's not your responsibility, but you have the right to know the truth, and I'm telling you because I trust your maturity and respect your strength (obviously adjust the phrasing to their age and intelligence).  You deserve to know the truth, but it doesn't change my love for you.  It may change some of the details of who pays for what, but that's all on paper.  And it's NOT your problem.  You don't need to be involved in it.  The confusion between your mother and I about the fact that I am not your father is not your problem.  But I wanted to know if you are interested in finding your real father right now?  If you want to find your real father, I will help you in any way you need me to, and I'm not going anywhere.  Because this doesn't mean we can't still have a relationship.  And if you ever need to talk about this with me, I'm always here for you. " 

It is very black and white.  And you have a responsibility to tell people that, Dr. Phil.  Why do both of the options you give people have to be destructive?

Why are so many pointing fingers at the mom. I believe it is clear she made a mistake yes a big one. But focus on who is effected the most the child she didn't cheat or lie.

I was in the same situation At 28 I found out what I suspected for about 15years was true.My mom had an affair while married to her 1st husband.My mothers husband knew but didn't care as long as she stayed with him. And when that didn't work and after a few years later when he realized he would never get her back he chose to treat me as if I was nothing but a burden yet he treated my older brother like a golden child. (My brother was told as a child the truth but was threaten not to tell me) I grew up feeling as though there was something wrong with me. I was ugly worthless and it led to abuse from my mother mentally she let me be beat by my step dad who was the only solid father figure I had.

Selina is the one left trying to figure out where she fits in like a missing puzzle piece! He fathered her for 9yrs and walked out like it was nothing! How can and  why do adults think it is ever ok to hurt a child like this she is the true victim. He is a coward and I feel he knew the whole time she wasn't his which he went along with until it no longer benefit him and when a new woman entered his life she pushed him out of her own personal gain. He had the gift of unconditional love that a child gives until he threw it away like a piece of trash. I feel most men in this situation know the child isn't theres. But alot are man enough to love that child just as if they adopted them. 

My heart goes out to Selina and I hope she can grow up and take on the attitude I have .......What doesn't kill us Makes us stronger!!!!!

I am now 31 and happily married w 4 beautiful children ! My husband and I   TRY TO PASS ON THE GOOD THINGS WE LEARNED FROM OUR PARENTS AND WE TRY TO CHANGE ALL THE NEGATIVE! 

THE FOLLOWING ARE IMPORTANT....

*We don't know what was going on in their lives when this occured,so who are we to judge?

*If they had adopted her would he have ran the same

**When is it ever ok to tell a child at a park to tell them you don't want to be their parent

****YOUR CHILDREN ARE YOUR RESPONSIBILITY YOU NEED TO CONSIDER THEM WITH EVERY DECISION YOU MAKE IN LIFE!

THE ADULTS SHOULD BE EMBARRASSED BY THEMSELVES AND i GIVE THE STEPDAD CHRIS THE MOST RESPECT AND PRAY THE THE MOM NEVER TREATS THAT BEAUTIFUL CHILD WITH NOTHING BUT LOVE RESPECT AND ENCOURAGEMENT! AND NOW THAT SHE DOES KNOW LET HER HAVE AS MUCH INFO ABOUT HER BIOLOGICAL FATHER SO SHE CAN DESIDE WHAT SHE WANTS OUT OF IT.

Here is a situation that is a very common one, more common than we will ever know because still there are fathers out there who don't have the slightest idea that they have been tricked into supporting a child that is not theirs. My most concern lies on the child in this situation, of course. I hope she will be resilient in all this and will become a better person.

While I totally disagree with what the father did, I could understand where he was coming from. He was tricked into the situation and while his infuriation was justified, his actions were not. I feel no remorse for the mother because she is the cause of the whole problem and if she made the bed, she should lie in it. As adults we should take responsibility for our own actions, not for others. Enrique responded out of hurt because he felt wronged, and he was, not only by his ex wife, but also the court system. He should have continued the same relations with his daughter he had before with no one telling him he had to pay financial support. He should be able to support her and take care of her just as before instead of it being like a pay check to the mother. I understand that the court system want the best interest of the child, but is forcing someone to pay solving the main problem? Here we have a child that was still hurt and now will have issues that may not have happened had Enrique not gotten desperate and in spite did what he did to his daughter. I think most men, if given the opportunity, would step up after being emotionally locked to someone, and still continue the relationship after learning of the tragic events. No one likes to go through emotional withdrawal.

It is absolutely wrong for the court systems to force someone to pay for something they were tricked into. By ordering the nonbiological father to pay child support it is saying he is wrong to have supported her 10 years of her life. It is all his fault for being a father to her all these years and for that he must continue to pay. The victim is and will continue to be victimized. Where is the justice? How are the scales balanced?

Gloria Allred referred to 2 years after the birth of the child being the time limit to contest paternity.  After that a bond has formed- similar to adoption and the father is considered the legal father by the courts. 

 This show very much angered me. How dare this women tell her ex that he needs to pay child support for a child that she very much knew was not his. She had the affair and knew from the beginning there was a good possibility that the child was not his.

 I do think that he was in the wrong on how he went about telling his daughter.

Just because I am a woman does not mean I am going to back up another woman or Gloria Allred if they are clearly wrong.

Any child support that he may have given his ex should be paid back to him.