Topic : Defining Your Authentic Self

Hi all!!!

I borrowed my niece's computer to say, 'Hello'. Hope everyone had a SMASHING Thanksgiving! 

Marcia, 

I have a friend who just put in her letter of resignation after working at the local courthouse in the County Clerk's office for only 8 months.  It is interesting because we both put in for the same job and she got it due to my desire for what I called "flexibility."  I was glad for her and have supported this for her.   

Well, she reports that there are co-workers who seem to have no ethics at all.  She describes their personal attacks on her like a "couple of rabid dogs."  This has been hard for her as she is a very sensitive person with a strong belief that all people are good.  This has rattled her beyond what she wants to handle.   

I have not worked in a completely unsupportive environment.  I am usually the part that makes it supportive, I see that now.   

I am glad you dedicated this time for you.  My question then becomes...what next? 

Teri 

Brenda, 

It is good to hear you are doing well you are taking some time to enjoy the holiday.  I hope the movie was fun.  I think I can say we all miss your regular posts.  Take care...and know you are in my thoughts. 

Teri 

and YES, it is scary not knowing - not moving forward - yet, at the same time, so many different things are being thought of and about.  Before, when I was in the rat race, I was always moving - I never just stopped and asked myself:  Do I like it? If yes, why do I like it?  If no, why don't I like it.  It's kinda strange and yet, everyday, I feel stronger than the day before.   I have a driving force within me now. Something so powerful that I'm not sure why I'm just moving forward as I am.   

Whenever I feel discomfort or un-ease, I stop, and begin asking myself questions.   I like the calm and peace that's within me.   

Yesterday, I saw an ad for a receptionist at a vet's office.  It was for full-time.  I would like to do that type of work, maybe do animal rescue or something.  That makes me feel "good" - yet, I'm fearful that I'll lose it again.  I spent a long time lost Teri, it wasn't a nice place to be and I will do what I can to ensure that I take the time and energy to resurface back into what we so nicely call Civilization. 

I decided to go with a temporary service to work 2-3 days a week.  I think it would be fun just to work whenever they have a job for me.  It will allow me to learn to deal properly with people who are hurting.  People who are hurting always are hurting others.  It's the only way they think.  It's their pattern of abuse they have dealt themselves.   

I have until the 15th to just allow myself to explore what my requirements are.   I have a pension and I have health insurance and my home is paid off.   And who knows, I am the only one who is working against me staying home and be a full-time homebody.  I like it.  and at the same time, I know I need to get my ass out the door.  I like "doing" - I loved working and doing an honest day's work.   

Hey Everyone, 

Just thought i'd post my exciting news :) Since reading Dr Phils book, I've changed my life completely, got a job and worked full time for 8months, paid my bills off, saved up enough money, went back to school, am a qualified bookkeeper now, and just got accepted into University to study Accounting. Now im gonna celebrate and go to Canada for 12months on a working holiday :) 

oh and im stopping over in LA for 3days and gonna see a live taping of the Dr Phil show :) 

Dr Phil rocks!!!!  

Hope its going well for you all. One thing I learnt in the last 12months, is no one is gonna make things better for yourself, unless you do :) 

Marcia, 

Having spent as much time lost as you have and knowing what you know now, do you really think it is possible to make the choices to go back there?   

I ask this because there are some questions I face for myself as well.  I have for many years carried a label for myself.  A label of Alcoholic.  I got sober when I was 19 years old.  I am 35 now.  I have treated myself as if I had an illness, which for a time I believe I did.  I do know true alcoholism is never cured, I don't fool myself about that.  What I do think about now is I was only 19...who knows what choices I would have made if I had not attached this label to myself.  I may have continued to make the kinds of choices I did, or I may have decided it was time to grow up.  I don't know.   

My point here is I look today and realize alcohol is not my problem.  I even had a beer on our vacation to the coast.  Alcohol was something I used to hide from reality.  I don't hide from reality today.  I also don't have the desire to drink.  The beer I had on our trip was a world class micro brew and I enjoyed it, yet did not want more than one.  I have not had a desire to have more since.  So, am I an alcoholic?  Or...am I someone who ran from my reality?  I have the ability to drink today, if I want to.  I am not making the choices I used to make when I was 19, and one of those choices is to not drink.  Knowing what I know today I don't think I am capable of making the choices that would put me back where I was when I was 19.  I have learned enough to know better, and those choices are becoming first nature.   

Do you have thoughts on this?  I ponder this regularly.   

Teri 

Hi Anna! 

I would say it's important to treat others as they would like to be treated. And have patience, and respect for that other people have a different way of seeing and experiencing the world/life we live in. Do you understand my point? :) 

I'm trying to be the best I can be, and sometimes I don't feel I succeed completely. The thing is I can try to do it better next time, be happy with whatever progress I've done, and trust that their is some kind of meaning with that it happened the way it did. Life is very complex, and is hard to see the wholeness. Often our fears get in our way. I'm still trying to figure it out, and is going to have issues/situations to deal with my entire life.  

I'm in the process where I'm trying to be more grateful, be kinder to myself, and trust the universe/God the and the process. 

Take care Anna, and all of you here on this web. 

Love & light/ Feliss 

Dear Marcia, 

It feels like I am in the same spot as you. I mean we are trying to figure life out on a daily basis (like many are), and probably beeing to hard on ourselves in the process. We can only be grateful for the progress we do and trust in that it was a meaning with waht happened, and trust in the process. 

I also have to take more Studentloans (I already have one that I'm paying off now), but it feels so right for me to go in this direction (to become a psychiatric nurse) that I'm going to take this unknown step and see where life brings me. I have to trust my gut feelings and try to take more of these fearless steps and trust. I am greatful for that I am a very sensitive person, and I am learning to protect myself without closing myself up. This takes time and I am trying to be patience with myself. 

I am thinking of you and I am here on this web if you need someone to listen, encouragement and support. 

Love & light/ Feliss 

Teri, today I wrote in my journal that "I AM DIFFERENT".  As I continue to review my goals and it's taking quite a long time to do it cause I'm having to ask myself over and over again:  Am I done?  When Will I be done?  What WHAT IF thoughts do I have? -- and it's pretty strange cause I am catching quite a bit of my conflicting conversations and many of them are link to WHAT IF?..... 

Teri, it's the past ... I'm not worrying about what I did before or what IF I HAD done differently.   Last year, as I was doing Self Matters, a couple of my date rapes popped up and I was shocked when I heard myself say:  I was making choices as an 8 year old - I'm not 8 anymore and I'm not going to make those mistakes again.   And since that time, when they still surface, I hear those words popping up again.   

You drank as a reaction to the age you stop maturing.   I believe that I'm just now entering my 16th year of living, that's when I got my first job and I got fired because I wouldn't sleep with the new manager and went home and told my mom I got fired and she just laid into me!   I felt ashamed and really conflicted.   I realize that I'm only going to mature as I re-do the things I've done in the past -- and because I'm different, the results will be different. I'm not looking to be punished or abused anymore.  I'm opening myself up to a whole new world of stuff. 

It's scary; however, I know that my maturity level isn't that of a 53 year old woman.  I'm still ldealing with lots of stuff - in fact, Friday's show helped me see that I need to do some thinking:  I need to understand "age appropriate behavior".  I'm going to ask my girlfriends to sit down with me and help me role play how I will respond to stuff. 

Let go of what happened or why it happened ....  Face the fear -- ask yourself what you fear.   Reading Harriet Lerner's book:  FEAR & OTHER UNINVITED GUESTS gave me a good understanding on naming the different things that kept me prisoner for so long.   It prepared me for now -- I understand stuff.   I'm glad I read it when I did cause it was so helpful when I picked up Rhonda Britten's book:  FEARLESS LIVING.  And let's not forget the mistress of Fear:  Susan Jeffers' book:  Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway.   All 3 books are now permanent members of my library.  John Gray's book:  HOW TO GET WHAT YOU WANT AND WANT WHAT YOU HAVE deals with negative emotions.  He has a fabulous 3-4 stage letter process that really worked well when I did MER.   He allowed me to figure out what I was thinking. 

Don't worry about the past anymore - it's not who you are and it's not where you are going to go ....   we are still growing and maturing ...  just know that the more you acknowledge as accomplishments the "safer" you will be.   I'm still posting post-it notes on my bathroom mirror.  I love how I've programmed myself to read them and memorize them.   I have written my truths within me now. I even hear the same words repeating themselves when I need them most. 

Does this make sense to you Teri?