I've already decided that what I've been experiencing is just fear of the change that has occurred in my life. It's neither frightening or scary to be here in my life.
Last night, as I laid in bed, I asked myself: Do I want to go back to the way things were? And I answered NO. I feel so different when I first started Dr. Phil's weight loss program. Oh, I'm still overweight; however, I've tackled all the triggers that set me off to overeating. The truth be known, I have actually been dealing with Key 4 for 2 years now.
When I first read that chapter, I had to acknowledged that I didn't have any INCOMPATIABLE ACTIVITIES to fall back on. So I had to start from scratch and move forward. Now, I'm at a totally different place. I still need to work on PRACTICING, PRACTICING, PRACTICING. That was my 2005 living motto. Now, it's DOING DIFFERENT.
Right now, as I make x-mas presents - something I really want to do, I'm dealing with the tapes I've written. It's rather amazing to see how even last year I was writing victimize tapes. I understand now why I need the 3rd year. In my 3rd year, I will still run into tapes/patterns/loops that I've dealt with on 1 level and now need to deal with it again to bring closure so I can either close that door and open 1001 new ones; or accept that it's a part of who I am.
My 1st year was acknowledging how I created the life I was living. I spent a year reading Self Matters and then the rest of the year, using the technique on a long time goal of learning to Sew. That was a 38 year old goal when I finally began to tackle the tapes. 38 years of tapes + 2 more years of them. This year, my tapes are changing - next year, I will be different.
In 2005, I gave myself permission to tackle how I reacted, thought, and felt. I learned about fear and how to change it within me.
It really does feel good to be here. I even wrote words to that effect -- LIVING IN THE UNKNOWN IS A COOL PLACE TO BE.
