Topic : Defining Your Authentic Self

As the years slowly pass, the world turns, people are born and people die.  

Years and time, minutes, hours, etc. are not tangible, and we put so much value into the idea of their existence.  They are measurements, to some they are jewels, and some just give little thought to time. 

Pain is real, but not tangible.  But has such a profound impact on my life.  Mental and physical; both. 

Timeless, what does it mean?  Your world is yours and mine is mine.  The earth and the elements and weather we share,  our time, our worlds might as well be billions or trillions fo miles away.  Is a mile tangible?  Can you pick it up and put it in your pocket?  Can you change it's properties?   

Can you change the wind and rain, the seas and frozen oceans?  Can you move the stars?  Can you touch an angel?  Can you see God?  Can you see my pain?  Can you feel my emptiness?   

Does it matter? 

Are you better than me?, smarter, stronger, more important, loved more or more alive? 

Does anyone or any entity of space or earth care or know how I feel?  Should anyone care?  Should I ?  Or should I not?  Are you children, wife and family more important than mine?  Am I bad because I hurt?  Do I deserve this?  Do the birds still sing? 

Are the stars still in the sky?  Is my heart still in pain?  My Body?  Should my doctors care?  Should I care?  Should I just TAKE IT LIKE A MAN........THE END? 

Ride off into the sunset...no one will notice, like Van Gough.  What did he see. feel and think?  Was it hard for him to die?  Is it hard? 

SELF MATTERS INCLUDES YOU
1) I am feeling WORSE and WORSE every day.
2) I will be..... 
3) I will have faith in ??????.
4) I will turn negatives??????.
5) my best friend????.
6) I am not calm, not relaxed,not  poised and NOTconfident
7) I HAVE TRIED myself on writing DAILY positive things about myself.
8) My past is the past and today is YESTERDAY AND TOMORROW and I have NO  future
9) "Life is not." and it is up 
10) Quitters FALL TO THE GROUND WHEN THEY HAVE EXERTED ALL OF THEIR EFFORTS, TRAVELED EVERY AVENUE, LOOKED UNDER EVERY STONE, BEHIND EVERY CURTAIN, IN EVERY CRACK AND CREVICE UNTIL THEY CANNOT.  YOU CAN ONLY DRIVE A CAR A CERTAIN DISTANCE ON A TANK OF GAS, AND WHEN IT'S OUT....IT'S OUT...  

Look the Other way and you won't have to think about this.   

Delete this and you will forget. 

Take it the wrong way, you need not be despaired. 

I can't think of anything else to say, It's all been said. 

ok so here the things,I'm 16 and I'm living in sudbury in ontario,but I hate it here,I have for years,and all my parents want to is talk about it but thats all they do is talk about stuff and do nothing about it.all the friends I have here basicly left me and ever since I got back from B.C I couldnt sleep,not eat as much as I used to and I feel sick to my stomach a bit every day.See I went to go visit my girlfirend in B.C a month ago and while I was there I was perfactly fine,I have happy and health,more healthy then I'll ever be while I'm here.Langlye in B.C is like heaven to me thats where I want to be thats my home,not here in sudbury(even though I've been living in sudbury for about 14 years),langlye is my home,makes me feel safe and happy.But my parents wont help me get there in any way posable.I was thinking that I might get emancipated behind their backs cause I know for a fact that they'll never aprove of this one bit,its the best thing for me that way I could go and line in langlye B.C.,but I am searching for other ways that can get me there as fast as posable.could anyone help find away to do this sucessfully please?(and yes no matter what happens I'm still going to school, if anyone wants to have more details you could mail me or email me,my email is in my profile.) 

My break from the board was longer than I ever intended.  We dont have the internet at home and im logged in a our local library.  But at least i am starting over again with purpose. 

                                                                                      Smiling DownUnder, Mary 

I decided I needed to do something different ...  I am working on going back to work and rediscovering myself and so I've been posting to Oprah's LOST group. There are 3 of us who are slowly working on rediscovering ourselves.   

I went on a job interview Tuesday and got a phone interview yesterday. Tomorrow, I'm going to put my application in a the neighborhood bakery.  I want to do something different. I want to pay off my debt and yet at the same time; give myself all the magical time I've been having in my personal growth. 

Since mid-March, I've been reviewing my goals and have seen so many drastic changes occuring in my life LInda. It's really amazing. I'm still working out what the heck is going on - still haven't found a book or article that describes the type of goal work I'm having to figure out on my own. I know it exists - if not, well, I'm working on writing it.   

Like right now, I'm once again dealing with old emotional tapes. I had to go thru my SELF MATTER notes and brush up on tapes, beliefs, scripts, dialogue. My 4 goals have no memories attached to them; yet, I know I'm hearing tapes running. So I'm working at planning on how I'm going to deal with it the next time it surfaces.  It happened last year and I was lucky to discover what I was experiencing was old FEAR tapes that I had written as a child and couldn't do anything about them. This year, I'm not suffering from panic attacks. 

I do check the site about once a week.  I hope you are doing well.