Topic : Defining Your Authentic Self

  

  

 Let me start by saying that i never log on here to "spill" my life's story or to gain pity..I am much too proud to do that. But, tonight , my friends...may be a different story.  

    I was married for over 10 years...my husband was not in a "successful" position when i met him.Actually, I made more money than he when we married.. (I was a very popular and succesful cake decorator in our area.) Afer a few years and a few promotions within his company, He was gaining more recognition. I was very proud of him....his biggest fan!!!!  

After about 8 years he was offered a huge advancement within his company.It required him to move 600 miles up north. I had never left our hometown, I was reluctant. But, i followed him and his dream, quit my job, and, for the first time in my life...became a stay home mom. Which, I loved being with my girl....but, that's just what it became..She and I...on our own...Then after he met new friends, he began going out after work and never did the "family" thing... I eventually left him came back to our hometown near our families and have felt like I lost 180lbs. of baggage...(LOL) But, the last few days, i found myself  having to get back in another legal issue with him....i guess all the sudden he woke up and decided he was gonna try and beat the "child support" issue...What makes me so angry is that we lived in a very affluent neighborhood and we lived a very comfortable life. (He made over six figures a year.) But now he's living that same life and I am strugglng to make a life for our daughter...The courts were very fair to me in the divorce, but, now,like i said, he's trying to "beat the system". I'M JUST SOOO TIRED!!!! Men always throw curve balls, don't they?   

                                I honestly don't expect any replies to this...I've been on this site alot and enjoy "talking" to everyone. I've always tried to be encouaging to anyone that i feel i can help. I like to chat, laugh, and be lighthearted whenever i log on...But, tonight.. I needed to "let go" of my story to people that I feel like won't judge me...I'm not a basket case-YET...close to it...but, not yet....(LOL)  

                                I feel like i've made no sense at all...but,if you took time to read all this CRAP ....  

        THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!  

                                                                    WANJOY  

                                                          

   

 I know what you are saying... I don't know your situation,but,i do know that love seems non-existent sometimes. Love hurts SOOOO much...why is it worth it??? I may never love again, but, I do know that if I don't...The world won't stop because of my broken heart. So as much as it hurts, I still have to face the dreaded daybreak. And try to be normal.Life suxs more times than not.....  But, it does go on...If we're lucky...  

           

                          good luck   

 You previously made more money than your husband. Then, he began the climb up the ladder in his company and began being the primary bread-winner, eventually taking you away from the town and people you had always known. You had a child, so became a stay-at-home mom. As you became more isolated, for whatever reason, he began to go out without you more often. This led to your divorce. After your divorce, you moved back to your hometown and are now trying to make a life for you and your daughter. Your ex has decided to go back to court to either reduce or eliminate the child support he is paying.
You are very angry and resentful and making generalizations about all men. (Men always throw curve balls, don't they?) Telling yourself this will only lead to hatred of all men. All men are not scoundrels.
How much would you say miscommunication and misunderstanding led to your divorce? Understand me, I'm not making any judgements about you or your husband. I can tell by what you write that you were hurt and felt unappreciated and that your husband was ungrateful for the role you played in supporting him to the position he is now in. You probably feel that you gave up your career to have a well-adjusted, loving child. It was selfless on your part and unappreciated by your husband. Now you are starting over, and he wants to pull the plug on support that he owes to your daughter. Right? Do you think he is operating under anger and resentment also?
Is it possible that he felt that YOU changed after the move? That you no longer loved him as much and only wanted to spend time with your child?
I ask these questions because I went through a very similar scenario. Except that we have 3 children. We came very close to divorcing because each of us felt that the other had changed and no longer loved the other. It wasn't until we learned to communicate that we discovered our different ways of thinking and attitudes. We did not divorce, and we continue to become each others best friend.
I know you think it's too late for this, you're already divorced. But is it? Is it too late to become friends for the sake of your daughter? If you are friendly with your ex, he will more likely want to pay the support for his daughter, and also to spend time with her. Doesn't she deserve to have an involved father?
I can tell you that men process information differently, in most cases, than women do. They also, mostly, have different attitudes and motivations. To get what you want, and to make the best life possible for your daughter, you will need to step up and learn how to get through to him in a productive way. For me, I had to learn about myself first.
I'm sorry for the pain you are in. Best wishes to you and your daughter.

 You're on the right track. We don't have to achieve big things to be worthy of love. For our very own self love, which is the foundation for all the love we have to give to others, we only need to be alive and breathing. We are concsious, this makes us human, therefore we owe it to ourselves to have an unshakable regard for our lives. If it's easier to see it in terms of God loving us, therefore we should love God's child also, do it that way.
When we love ourselves we don't allow others to tear us down, and we guard against those who would do just that. When we love ourselves we make better choices for ourselves.
Congratulations and keep on going.

I feel that i cant forget anymore the pain of the past, how one could wash his brain from all the painful past memories? And how one could achieve flexibility? 

And how can we neglect the people who neglect us and neglect all the love we ought to them in our heart, they simply neglect us, neglect us, neglect us, and what's more hurting? How i could be flexible? P lease help!!!!!!! 

Thank you for understanding.  I realize that I'm very harsh on this board, and I have my reasons.  If some can understand without judging me,  that's great.  If not, as the old Black Sabbath tune goes: "It's Heaven and Hell." 

  

I guess that Ronnie James Dio was right.  I  A M a "Rainbow in the Dark." 

I don't want it that way.  That's just the way it turned out.   

  

I used to believe in turning the other cheek because, as I said when I was a kid, "I didn't want to make Jesus cry," as I was once VERY religious. 

  

But, everyone has their breaking point.  Mine was shattered. 

The reason why I use sarcastic answers like that one is because I have learned that most people could really care less about how you are.  You really do have to fend for yourself in this world and you must fight for everything.  I've also learned that I should watch my back at all times and question their real motives. 

  

I'm sure many will agree. 

Some may even wonder if heavy metal is what turned me into this.  No.  Metal saved me from suicide when my mother's pastor said he was too busy to hear me. 

  

If it weren't for Kiss, Black Sabbath, Dio, Ozzy and Twisted Sister, I wouldn't be here.  The funny thing is that when I told Gene Simmons my situation, he took 20 minutes out of his time to speak with me-and my mom's pastor didn't.   

  

SOMETHING'S WRONG. 

  

I wish I'd have been able to go to this year's Ozzfest.  That's okay.  I heard Sabbath didn't play; and they DID last year.  I'd ALWAYS wanted to see BLACK SABBATH and IRON MAIDEN.  I did. 

  

I don't expect the more religious on this board to understand.  That's okay. 

Some may even wonder if heavy metal is what turned me into this.  No.  Metal saved me from suicide when my mother's pastor said he was too busy to hear me. 

  

If it weren't for Kiss, Black Sabbath, Dio, Ozzy and Twisted Sister, I wouldn't be here.  The funny thing is that when I told Gene Simmons my situation, he took 20 minutes out of his time to speak with me-and my mom's pastor didn't.   

  

SOMETHING'S WRONG. 

  

I wish I'd have been able to go to this year's Ozzfest.  That's okay.  I heard Sabbath didn't play; and they DID last year.  I'd ALWAYS wanted to see BLACK SABBATH and IRON MAIDEN.  I did. 

  

I don't expect the more religious on this board to understand.  That's okay.