Topic : Defining Your Authentic Self

   

   

 Your so right !   You said: however, the Mentally Ill, when stable, have the same capacity to be vicious and mean as ANYONE else!     

   

   We, left my husband's sister behind, we REFUSE to tolerate her bullying under this idea that because she's Bi-polar, she can do anything she wants without repercussion!   Her Mother, much to her suprise, has not been able to manipulate our family as she has her other grown adult offspring, and the anger aimed at us as "Evil" has been suprising, but not as much as their continued attempts to drag us back into their drama-land.  No Joke, we have tolerated their phone harrassment of hang up calls, and using our oldest son to spy on our family for over a year now.  They only torment themselves, and He's 23, it's his choice to know them.  Medicated only means a more managed form of abuse by her, and as time passes, she's only going to get better at it.    

   

 Brenda, you wrote: "It takes ENORMOUS courage to know when to leave a relationship! Including when it involves someone who is Mentally Ill!  and that includes whacked out family members who are your sibling and aunt to your kids.  My children lost alot, and have gained in the fact they don't have to tolerate her mood swings and potential for harm with her suicide threats and selective memory games.   

   

Bravo.. Well Said !  

   

Annie   

I was given that label back in the late 80's.  I guess I even still have it ...  But I had a major turning point when I went to participate in a study being done up here.  I was in a full blown manic and at the end of all the tests - the doctor looked at me and said:  YOU WILL KNOW WHEN YOU HAVE TO ADMIT YOURSELF.  It was like a major milestone in my life.  Because I have always believed GOD doesn't give you anything you can not handle.  So I began to learn about my illness.  To understand why, when, how it occurred.  I spent years learning about my manic behavior.  I got to the point that I could use my "visual" to help me slow down my thoughts.  I discovered that I went manic becaulse I didn't know how to handle situations, talk to people, etc.  So I went on a DAMAGE CONTROL mission.  Eventually, even my doctor wasn't able to help me with my illness - he turned me over to biofeedback and guess what!  I went lower than the machine could register.  It's been years since I've experienced a manic episode.   

  

Doing Self Matters helped me to understand where & why my thoughts were screwed up.  And with me naming PIG PEN - I am now able to finally tackle the depression.   It was caused my the high heat in July/August and as a non-sweater - I was just a vegetable.  Now, with Central Air for the last few years I've been able to not return to it -- but it was a habit -- I was used to being a certain way.  Now, I understand the habit more and I'm finally bringing closure to it. 

  

I guess I'll always be labeled MENTALLY ILL - but I don't mind.  I'm at peace right now and I've learned that there are people who will accept me for my strangeness (and yes, I do have some strange behaviors).  But they love me, respect me, and care for me.  

  

I know that I looked at my illness as different - I'm glad I did. I know of others who wallow in their LABEL and live in a DRAMA LIFE STYLE - like a soap opera on TV.  You never know who is on 1st, 2nd or 3rd.  I don't think they are really happy - they are just living their life they way they know how.   

  

I'm thankful everyday that I was able to see that I was heading that way and decided not to turn to that direction.  I didn't like those I was hanging with and they all were diagnosed as Mentally Ill like me! 

 I am currently reading and working on "Self Matters" and I have to tell you I love it.  When remembering in context.. I am amazed at how much I buried in my mind, and then I remember it, and I realize I have a really really bad mother.  Not all of it is her fault abd much of it is.  So that helps me to avoid some of the pitfalls and repeating her mistakes.  My key people, my relationships to them now (naturally all the good ones are dead, because evil lives a long time) has helped me to find the strength to be a better person, inspite of my past.  I trust in a future with a wholly different outcome than my own childhood and brighter future for my own kids.. Which is what all REAL caring parents want for their kids. Bumps bruises and all.  My authentic self is a loved, strong youthful, happy person with all sorts of adventures ahead of her.  Now if I can just get my kids raised up so I can get my horse with out having a stroller in the arena.  Yes, I am saving for it while I wait... If you can say it.. you can do it.  I can be more than my past allowed.  Baby steps.

  

  

 I am so proud of you for taking control and responsibility.  I wish more would, can you imagine the collapse of the pharmacutical industry if they did ? I actually heard of an "Illness" they called "Situational Depression"... like a death or a divorce.. who would not be depressed ??  its' when a bonafide, actual illness, is used as an excuse that trouble occurs.  My son still asks for his aunt, but I explain in plain english there is something wrong with her, and we can't be around her.  I dont lie and say "Oh someday" or she moved or anything like that.  She wont stay on her meds, and if she wont take responsibility for her behavior, and deal with why she is the way she is... then as time passes she and her enablers will be all in the nursing home together.  I hope they enjoy it.  

 I have completely distanced myself from several "ill" family members. I still speak to them, but do not invite them "into my life". I even have a brother who will never be stable. My father would like for me to say I will have him live with me when my father passes. Part of my coming to a healthy place in my life is to say that will never happen. I cannot have him disrupt my life in that fashion. He is quite frankly a dangerous, although usually sweet dispositioned, person, and I will have to institutionalize him  if something happens to my parents. This is the only way to keep me healthy and society safe. Some people think it's horrible that I would do that, but I know the reality. Those people can feel as they desire. They have never had to make that decision staring down the barrel of a loaded rifle with a schizophrenic at the trigger. I can say, I never will again.

  

      Like you mentioned " This is the only way to keep me healthy and society safe. Some people think it's horrible that I would do that, but I know the reality.   I showed your messages to my husband last night, when he came home from work, and I can't tell you the good you did him letting us know that we are not alone in our fight to keep dangerous, unhealthy people in his family, OUT OF OURS. 

  

    I think it went a long way to helping him feel better about his choices.  He's been called an "Abandoner", "Evil" Selfish" because he won't bend to their demands to suck our family into their daily chaos.  I think you helped him find a peace with his choices, and that their opinion does not matter at all.  They are sick, they for the most part refuse to see it, or get the help they need.  

People do think it's horrible, and as you said  "Those people can feel as they desire" They don't deal with the lies and the games and the emergency calls.  

Brenda, 

  

First of all, again a deep thank you for you candidness.  I agree, those who make poor choices should be held accountable for their actions, regardless.  If it is a choice, we have the capacity to make it, if that makes sense.   

  

I hold my ex responsible for all of his behavior.  I have worked in the Developmental Disability, Mental Health field for many years.  I have learned there are limits to organic issues with mental health, yet nobody has a free ticket to abuse, stalk, threaten, endanger or toxify anyone else.   

  

I had written a response yesterday to your post but it was lost when I posted it as for some reason the site signed me out.  It was quite a bit longer and had a lot of very personal stuff in it.  At this point I realize that what I need to say is thank you.  I feel as if someone "heard" me, and that means the world to me.  Thank you.  You are a blessing.   

Teri 

Last night we watched a movie called "What the Bleep Do We Know?"  It basically is a movie discussing Quantum Physics and how our emotions and thoughts control our experience in life.   

  

I am not a Quantum Physics enthusiast, in fact did not even understand much at all until last night.  I am going to have to look into it further as I don't ever take just one source for education... 

  

Anyway, I wanted to know if anyone else has seen this movie and find out what they thought.   

Teri 

I was like so amazed to hear Dr. Phil tell the parents you are role models - you are teaching your children to live to their environment. It was such an AHA moment for me -- I really was amazed to see how it clicked within me.  I was validated in so many things in tonite's show.