Message Boards

Home Message Boards

Topic : Defining Your Authentic Self

Number of Replies: 7837
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 11:20:02 am
Author : dataimport
Have you read "Self Matters" or become familiar with the process of uncovering your authentic self from watching the show? Share your story here.
As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

 
blgspc
User Mood
Stressed

Message Emote
hopeful
September 6, 2005, 5:13 pm PDT

Marcia, hope I've learned something...

Quote From: marcia52

Brenda this is wonderful!!!  I'm so glad that you found something that fulfills your heart .... 

From your wonderful model of organizatioal skills!!!  

   

Also, I liked your post about claiming your contributions to the lives of your family. It sure can be self-affirming!!!  

   

Brenda    
 
Read Replies to this Message
marcia52
User Mood
Mellow

Message Emote
blank
September 6, 2005, 5:33 pm PDT

Brenda, everything is a learning experience

Quote From: blgspc

From your wonderful model of organizatioal skills!!!  

   

Also, I liked your post about claiming your contributions to the lives of your family. It sure can be self-affirming!!!  

   

Brenda    

I see everything as an opportunity - be it a new door opening or one closing.  Whatever we do, is a learning experience ....  It's when we allow our fears and self-doubt to run our lives that we see everything covered in grey. 
 
Read Replies to this Message
marcia52
User Mood
Mellow

Message Emote
blank
September 6, 2005, 5:34 pm PDT

I think it won't hurt .....

Quote From: stefand

Hi,

I'm 18 years old. I want to get emotional closure, so I will read Self Matters.
(I'm very serious about getting more control of my life)...  

   

There is something constantly on my mind:
Am I to young for this?
Should I stop with it? Or go on?

I mean, I don't control over the thing in my life like adults do...
Example: I can't chose where I life...I still life with my parents, it's not an option to chose for this option, bud I will chose to more freedom by getting a better relation with my parents...

I can't change everything I might need to get more out of myself.
Should I go on with analysing my moments, choises and people?

And if some of you do not recommand that I go on, which age do you recommand? Or which situation?

Greets,

Stefan

(sorry for my bad English, I'm from The Netherlands, Europe)...  

You might want to start with Life Strategies for Teens written by Jay McGraw.  It does have some Self Matters techniques in it.  I started with Life Strategies and Weight Loss Solutions and turned to Self Matters because I needed to understand how the thinking process works.  It may be heavy reading for you.   

  

Give it a try and see what happens.  Personally, I wished I had been read it when I was in my 20's -- I would have been a really powerful person in my younger years. 
 
Read Replies to this Message
ritehere
User Mood
Relaxed

Message Emote
chillin'
September 7, 2005, 8:10 am PDT

Are you considered an adult?

Quote From: stefand

Hi,

I'm 18 years old. I want to get emotional closure, so I will read Self Matters.
(I'm very serious about getting more control of my life)...  

   

There is something constantly on my mind:
Am I to young for this?
Should I stop with it? Or go on?

I mean, I don't control over the thing in my life like adults do...
Example: I can't chose where I life...I still life with my parents, it's not an option to chose for this option, bud I will chose to more freedom by getting a better relation with my parents...

I can't change everything I might need to get more out of myself.
Should I go on with analysing my moments, choises and people?

And if some of you do not recommand that I go on, which age do you recommand? Or which situation?

Greets,

Stefan

(sorry for my bad English, I'm from The Netherlands, Europe)...  

 Stefan,
At what age are you considered an adult with the rights and responsiblilties of an adult? Here in the US 18 is considered adult for the purposes of supporting yourself and living independently from your parents. Under certain circumstances you may be legally declared an adult at 17. What that means is that society considers you an adult at 18, whether you are ready to consider yourself one or not.
What would you like to do, and is it possible from your society's perspective? If you are old enough to separate from your family in the eyes of society, but don't feel you are ready, then you are holding yourself back.
SELF MATTERS is a good book for clearing out the cobwebs of narrow thinking due to wrong lessons taught by others, wrong perceptions of your life and you're place in it. It helps you to learn about yourself, and figure out why you do the things you do. If you don't need alot of self analysis, you might want to read LIFE STRATEGIES. It helps you learn how to relate to others and the world around you.
I don't think you are too young for either one, the sooner you learn about life and living, the more effective in your life and the world you will be.
Good luck to you, and come back to let us know how it goes.
 
Read Replies to this Message
ritehere
User Mood
Relaxed

Message Emote
chillin'
September 7, 2005, 8:12 am PDT

Brenda, just say thank you.

Quote From: blgspc

Just a few survivors of Katrina have arrived in SC. I'm told that in the days to come we will be seeing more. I'm on stand-by. I'm ready! Ya know, America really came through for SC after hurricane Hugo!!!   

    

And, 'Yes!' that was anger or something remarkably like it! (My sister and I WERE our mother's primary caregivers. She was our sole extacurricular activity!)   

And, 'Yes!' had to get clear with my sister. Though, as I mentioned I was the one who probably set-up the need to clarify.    

    

Thank you for your support!!! I don't think I qualify for hero status, yet!   

I do appreciate you so much!!! I'm so glad to see you back on the board!   

    

I Love those WONDERFUL photos of the Rockies. They are so beautiful!   

   

Thanks, I look forward to seeing you on the board!!!   

    

Brenda   

My husband had to teach me how to take a compliment. I always felt a need to discount any given to me, even if they made me feel good inside. It takes a whole lot less effort, and comes off as so much more gracious, to just say thank you.
Along with learning to value yourself comes the social skill of acknowledging others compliments.
And you are a hero.
 
Read Replies to this Message
marcia52
User Mood
Mellow

Message Emote
blank
September 7, 2005, 8:46 am PDT

When you shut out compliments....

I just read this about compliments and I thought I would share it.   

  

When you don't accept a person's compliment, you are bascially telling them they are WRONG.  You don't have to believe it - you can simply say thank you.   

 

I thought that was a neat way to look at them. 
 
Read Replies to this Message
blgspc
User Mood
Stressed

Message Emote
hopeful
September 7, 2005, 8:03 pm PDT

Ritehere....

Quote From: ritehere

My husband had to teach me how to take a compliment. I always felt a need to discount any given to me, even if they made me feel good inside. It takes a whole lot less effort, and comes off as so much more gracious, to just say thank you.
Along with learning to value yourself comes the social skill of acknowledging others compliments.
And you are a hero.

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!  

  

Brenda  
 
Read Replies to this Message
tnhorton
User Mood
Cheerful

Message Emote
blank
September 8, 2005, 1:02 pm PDT

One person...double duty

I am "still" trying to figure out my own life at the age of 36 & I have just had my niece move into our home & her 16 month old daughter who has a "lot" of baggage of her own to deal with & needs guidance as well. I have always said to others that the sick can't help the sick. And this is exactly what I am up against here. I do believe that I am more stable....balanced in my own life than my niece is in regards to many issues, and I am not exactly in need of the intense therapy that she is in ned of right now. At least I am at a point where I can acknowledge my own shortcomings, need for improvemet in certain areas, and also stable enough to seek self help. Where as she is in complete denial still about "everything", comfortable with her situation as is, no motivation to change, can't make a healthy decision on her own, and selfish to boot! I am able to supply a roof over her head...I have to pay my house payment rather she's here or not.....so that I can give her & doesn't harm me. But these other things....money, mental & emotional support I am finding a tough time finding just for myself, let alone any to offer another. How do I help my niece who is in this desperate situation & not allow it to affect me in mine?
 
Read Replies to this Message
marcia52
User Mood
Mellow

Message Emote
blank
September 8, 2005, 8:25 pm PDT

Are you ready to become her role model?

Quote From: tnhorton

I am "still" trying to figure out my own life at the age of 36 & I have just had my niece move into our home & her 16 month old daughter who has a "lot" of baggage of her own to deal with & needs guidance as well. I have always said to others that the sick can't help the sick. And this is exactly what I am up against here. I do believe that I am more stable....balanced in my own life than my niece is in regards to many issues, and I am not exactly in need of the intense therapy that she is in ned of right now. At least I am at a point where I can acknowledge my own shortcomings, need for improvemet in certain areas, and also stable enough to seek self help. Where as she is in complete denial still about "everything", comfortable with her situation as is, no motivation to change, can't make a healthy decision on her own, and selfish to boot! I am able to supply a roof over her head...I have to pay my house payment rather she's here or not.....so that I can give her & doesn't harm me. But these other things....money, mental & emotional support I am finding a tough time finding just for myself, let alone any to offer another. How do I help my niece who is in this desperate situation & not allow it to affect me in mine?

Being a role model isn't an easy thing to do.  Remember what they say about children .... they do what you do, not what you say.   If you want your niece to straighten up her life, you will have to lead by example.  It means committing to working stuff out. 

  

For example, with me, it's financial freedom/security.   I'm facing my fears & anxieties and doing something about it. 

  

If you find yourself in a pattern that you want to stop, definitely read:  SELF MATTERS - it provides some wonderful tools to help you get a handle on why you keep sabotaging your goals.   
 
Read Replies to this Message
blgspc
User Mood
Stressed

Message Emote
hopeful
September 8, 2005, 9:25 pm PDT

Marcia....

Quote From: marcia52

I see everything as an opportunity - be it a new door opening or one closing.  Whatever we do, is a learning experience ....  It's when we allow our fears and self-doubt to run our lives that we see everything covered in grey. 

You are absolutely correct!!! I believe that everything-positive, negative, and even those occasional things that seem meaningless, at the time-provide new learning experiences for us. For me, sometimes it takes time for me to recognize the learning, as such and more time to examine what the lesson was. I don't believe we stop learning until we stop breathing. Even when we make a conscious effort not to learn, stuff gets through!!!!  

   

Thanks,  Brenda  
 
Read Replies to this Message
First | Prev | 39 | 40 | 41 | 42 | 43 | 44 | 45 | 46 | 47 | 48 | Next | Last

  • Be in the Audience >>Click Here or call 323-461-PHIL
  • Visit the Dr. Phil Foundation >>Click Here
 
Recent Shows: Behind the Headlines | "Bring Me Back My Hot, Se... | Teen Mama Drama | Majoring in Failure? | A Father Accused: Who's T...