Topic : Defining Your Authentic Self

Yep, another newbie here. Sorry but please be patient with me.

I picked up Dr. Phil's book Self Matters last year. I confess I read it very superficially up to the point where you have to do the written exercises. Then I put it away for a while. That is, until I quit my job in December. I've been unemployed since Christmas so I figured with all this time on my hands I would read the book again to help me get a handle on my life. But this time I really read it -- highlighting certain passages, taking notes, etc. I am at the first area of written exercises where I have to recall and write defining moments. I did it for the 1-5 year old section but I feel overwhelmed to continue because I have so many memories that have shaped me into this person. So I'm at a standstill again. Frozen because I am too lazy to go on. I think I'm kinda afraid that I will put all this effort into doing these exercises and when I get to the end of the book, I'm still going to be an unemployed, unsuccesfull drunken disappointment.

My problem is that I want results NOW. I know that's unrealistic but I think that's a major part of the many life-problems I have. I think I suffer from depression but I don't have money or insurance to see a doctor and even if I did, I wouldn't want to take drugs. I tried to quit drinking and was doing pretty good for about a week but then I relapsed a few nights ago and got stupid drunk alone at my apartment and then at a nearby bar. So drunk that I don't remember half the night. I've been holed up in my girlfriend's house for two days because I don't want to see the aftermath of that night in my apartment. This isn't the first time.

I'm scared. Plain and simple I'm scared. I'm scared that I'm going to wake up one day at the age of 50 and I'll still be trying to find my purpose for being in this world. I quit my job because it wasn't what I want for myself. I want that job that makes me WANT to get up in the morning. The kind of job that isn't a "job." Yet I know that if I don't fix my soul, I'll never be happy.

I've got a wonderful girlfriend and she has a wonderful, smart 12 year old daughter. I love them to death and I just want help so that I can be the best for them and my family.

So I guess what I'm asking is, is there any hope? Or does all this "authentic self" stuff only work for certain people. Because the truth is, for nearly two months now of sitting alone in my apartment day in and day out, doing nothing --- just literally lying in bed --- I have made countless lists of my faults and lists of things that I would like to change about myself. And the time that I'm writing these things, I'm thinking, "yeah Sam, all you have to do is put your mind to it and you can accomplish it" and then the next day I find myself still in bed staring out my window and nothing has been accomplished because I don't know what I want to accomplish. Weeks have gone by like nothing. I quit my job because I wanted to improve my life but instead I caused myself more stress because I don't know how I'm going to make rent.

I'm sorry. I'm rambling and going on and on. I'm just hoping someone with a better grip on life will read this someday and help me out. If you've read this, thank you for taking a few minutes out of your life.

 I have been grumbling about my life with my wife. It SUCKS. Her 32 year old juvenlile delinquent is asleep on the living room floor. I have tolerated his drinking and drugs for 17 years. His mother says that he's like his father and she is afraid of him. I'm not afraid of him but I am sick of him. My brother says he's dangerous. I am 73 with 15 years of military service  and a few more years of  the intelligence services. I can be dangerous, too. The difference is that I was trained to be dangerous. He wasn't and is just another drunk. I love my wife dearly and we have talked about moving and not telling him where we have gone. I don't really believe she would. She matters to me more than my life, itself. Angry, fed up, I was thinking of just leaving. I don't believe we will ever be rid of him. I have decided that I am going to get her away from the stress caused by this loser. I am going to take her to a bed and breakfast up in the
Texas; hill country. Put the dog in a kennel, take her away and show her how much SHE matters and how much WE (our relationship) matters. Just getting angry doesn't cut it.

Yep, another newbie here. Sorry but please be patient with me.

I picked up Dr. Phil's book Self Matters last year. I confess I read it very superficially up to the point where you have to do the written exercises. Then I put it away for a while. That is, until I quit my job in December. I've been unemployed since Christmas so I figured with all this time on my hands I would read the book again to help me get a handle on my life. But this time I really read it -- highlighting certain passages, taking notes, etc. I am at the first area of written exercises where I have to recall and write defining moments. I did it for the 1-5 year old section but I feel overwhelmed to continue because I have so many memories that have shaped me into this person. So I'm at a standstill again. Frozen because I am too lazy to go on. I think I'm kinda afraid that I will put all this effort into doing these exercises and when I get to the end of the book, I'm still going to be an unemployed, unsuccesfull drunken disappointment.

My problem is that I want results NOW. I know that's unrealistic but I think that's a major part of the many life-problems I have. I think I suffer from depression but I don't have money or insurance to see a doctor and even if I did, I wouldn't want to take drugs. I tried to quit drinking and was doing pretty good for about a week but then I relapsed a few nights ago and got stupid drunk alone at my apartment and then at a nearby bar. So drunk that I don't remember half the night. I've been holed up in my girlfriend's house for two days because I don't want to see the aftermath of that night in my apartment. This isn't the first time.

I'm scared. Plain and simple I'm scared. I'm scared that I'm going to wake up one day at the age of 50 and I'll still be trying to find my purpose for being in this world. I quit my job because it wasn't what I want for myself. I want that job that makes me WANT to get up in the morning. The kind of job that isn't a "job." Yet I know that if I don't fix my soul, I'll never be happy.

I've got a wonderful girlfriend and she has a wonderful, smart 12 year old daughter. I love them to death and I just want help so that I can be the best for them and my family.

So I guess what I'm asking is, is there any hope? Or does all this "authentic self" stuff only work for certain people. Because the truth is, for nearly two months now of sitting alone in my apartment day in and day out, doing nothing --- just literally lying in bed --- I have made countless lists of my faults and lists of things that I would like to change about myself. And the time that I'm writing these things, I'm thinking, "yeah Sam, all you have to do is put your mind to it and you can accomplish it" and then the next day I find myself still in bed staring out my window and nothing has been accomplished because I don't know what I want to accomplish. Weeks have gone by like nothing. I quit my job because I wanted to improve my life but instead I caused myself more stress because I don't know how I'm going to make rent.

I'm sorry. I'm rambling and going on and on. I'm just hoping someone with a better grip on life will read this someday and help me out. If you've read this, thank you for taking a few minutes out of your life.

Yep, another newbie here. Sorry but please be patient with me.

I picked up Dr. Phil's book Self Matters last year. I confess I read it very superficially up to the point where you have to do the written exercises. Then I put it away for a while. That is, until I quit my job in December. I've been unemployed since Christmas so I figured with all this time on my hands I would read the book again to help me get a handle on my life. But this time I really read it -- highlighting certain passages, taking notes, etc. I am at the first area of written exercises where I have to recall and write defining moments. I did it for the 1-5 year old section but I feel overwhelmed to continue because I have so many memories that have shaped me into this person. So I'm at a standstill again. Frozen because I am too lazy to go on. I think I'm kinda afraid that I will put all this effort into doing these exercises and when I get to the end of the book, I'm still going to be an unemployed, unsuccesfull drunken disappointment.

My problem is that I want results NOW. I know that's unrealistic but I think that's a major part of the many life-problems I have. I think I suffer from depression but I don't have money or insurance to see a doctor and even if I did, I wouldn't want to take drugs. I tried to quit drinking and was doing pretty good for about a week but then I relapsed a few nights ago and got stupid drunk alone at my apartment and then at a nearby bar. So drunk that I don't remember half the night. I've been holed up in my girlfriend's house for two days because I don't want to see the aftermath of that night in my apartment. This isn't the first time.

I'm scared. Plain and simple I'm scared. I'm scared that I'm going to wake up one day at the age of 50 and I'll still be trying to find my purpose for being in this world. I quit my job because it wasn't what I want for myself. I want that job that makes me WANT to get up in the morning. The kind of job that isn't a "job." Yet I know that if I don't fix my soul, I'll never be happy.

I've got a wonderful girlfriend and she has a wonderful, smart 12 year old daughter. I love them to death and I just want help so that I can be the best for them and my family.

So I guess what I'm asking is, is there any hope? Or does all this "authentic self" stuff only work for certain people. Because the truth is, for nearly two months now of sitting alone in my apartment day in and day out, doing nothing --- just literally lying in bed --- I have made countless lists of my faults and lists of things that I would like to change about myself. And the time that I'm writing these things, I'm thinking, "yeah Sam, all you have to do is put your mind to it and you can accomplish it" and then the next day I find myself still in bed staring out my window and nothing has been accomplished because I don't know what I want to accomplish. Weeks have gone by like nothing. I quit my job because I wanted to improve my life but instead I caused myself more stress because I don't know how I'm going to make rent.

I'm sorry. I'm rambling and going on and on. I'm just hoping someone with a better grip on life will read this someday and help me out. If you've read this, thank you for taking a few minutes out of your life.

You are working and that's what you needed to do.  And the money isn't important because it's giving you so much more ...  experience and the time to see if this is something you truly want to do and it will open other doors for you!

Me, I bounce from not working full-time to working full-time ... I'm not sure what it is I want to do and I also know that when the time is right something will happen just like it did for you. 

I'm just so proud of you and you will be an asset to them because you don't think like them anymore.  Have you noticed that when your life style doesn't hinge on that paycheck you don't fall into the victim role anymore?

And I do miss you ... I looked in the audience this week for you and didn't see you at all.  But I looked!!! Did you have a family member tape the shows?