Topic : Defining Your Authentic Self

By now you've told him and you've got him into the doctors for more tests, more help and if he gets pissed off .. so what else is new?  And don't worry about not knowing cardiology ... you have a nursing background and this is something you can learn.  There are many valuable medical websites out there and you can learn as you go.  You can also have the doctors talking to you realistically ... up front and personal if that is what you want.

And be sure to tape his voice!  I have videos of my ex at xmas parties talking back in the 80's.  He's on the video as well.  It really helps to know that at any time I can simply put the video in the machine and listen to his voice and see him when he & I were in love.

We don't worry about "good english" here ... that's why we have spell check (hee hee)

I spent some time talking with my father about the fact that the cardiologist moved his appointment up to Wednesday, Oct. 31. He didn't accept the news well. And even as I was listening to his anger, I heard his FEAR. I didn't discuss the heart block. I did assure him that what he had WAS discovered and more importantly WAS treatable. Still, I could see from his posturing and his SILENCE, he is going to be FREAKING OUT until this is done! He ultimately, stated, "Well, I might not even go."

I KNEW THAT HE WAS GOING TO DO THAT! It's what he does when he is frightened. The ole ostrich with it's head buried in the sand. Message: 'If I don't hear it or see it maybe it'll just go away. If I have to hear it, see it, know it then I might die in the process.'

He's 78y/o and in this area-Beach Country- he grew up knowing that if people went to the hospital, they typically went there to die. His parents raised him, confirming this information. Sadly, in his parents lifetime they were right. When he was just recently hospitalized for the very first time in his whole life, he went in afraid and exited angry. He wasn't all that angry that they DID NOT identify why he had collapsed. He was angry about the fact that he had asked for TUMS in the middle of the night and because he had NO Order for TUMS they brought him an Acid Reducer. He was furious about that. HE IS STILL FURIOUS about that.

Thus, the train wreck is still underway. He can be very oppositional. I don't want to be forced to explain the 'heart block'. I felt that the cardiologist should do that. That will mean a return to the beta blockers. Which will mean a pace maker. He's frightened enough for, now.

Brenda

You sure came to the right place for support and understanding.

Your English is fine.

Share as you feel a need to.

Look forward to hearing from you.

Again, Welcome.

Brenda :-)

     Great to see deep thought still strong in here... I"ve been MIA for months, working night shift and not being able to get to an internet cafe.  Now however we have the net at home for the first time ever!!

   It's late in Australia... I'll post again tomorrow when ive had enough sleep to think straight.

                                                      Ciao for now, Mary DownUnder

Was he furious you held out the info from him or not?  It doesn't sound like it.

And he's angry about going into the hospital and using the TUMS incident to focus the anger.  My mom does the same thing ... it's kinda neat actually.   She focuses on the 1 event / trigger and pours her anger into it.

If you know he's going into the hospital again, be sure to make a list of things that he'll need the doctor's approval of.  Like the TUMS or an aspirin or whatever.  Maybe bring his package with him or something.

Your dad does sound like he's handling it well.

   I finally (in desperation) read the book "Self Matters". Since hurricane Katrina my life has fallen apart. I have become someone I don't know or like. My husband and daughter have suffered for it.

   At any rate, I had decided to limit exposure to toxic people (namely my mother and her husband) before I started reading the book. I did some of the exercises...I was amazed at the truth I faced within myself. I have sabotaged my career (with "encouragement" from my mother). Now I get to start over (which is not going to be easy at 51!). My first family (grown children) is supportive. My husband and 10 year old daughter just want me to be myself again.

   There are obstacles to overcome...but a sense of humor and can do attitude will help.