Topic : Defining Your Authentic Self

Funny you should pick up on the potential for a previous trigger, and there is one.

I'm very sensitive to my husband taking an authoritarian or parental role with me. When we first met,  I was newly divorced from a disastrous marriage and had an infant son. In short, I wasn't all there. My husband has a strong desire to be needed, and since I was SO needy at the time, we meshed. Unfortunately, what he was getting was NOT the real me, and when I began to heal, he began to try to keep me in that role. We had many marrital issues along the way to discovering the real us and how we wanted to define our relationship.

So, to this day whenever I get a hint that he is ordering me around in some way, I get this reaction. In this case, it was a simple comment by him with absolutely no authoritarian overtones, I just took it wrong.

I think you're right, she must have been refferring to an immovable tree of some sort. Hee hee.

So, does she have a trust issue with you or does she do this everywhere she goes?

That could be a detriment to visiting people. One wonders how she would cope with camping?

I have to emphasize what I was highlighting with that post though.

What I wanted to point out to others was the weird physical reaction I had just before all the negative thoughts started up and my mood changed.

For the first time I recognized that this happens everytime my mind is about to start up "tapes." I was wondering if anybody else has something like this happen to them? I find it valuable to know so that in the future I can examine my thoughts and reactions even faster. I'm working toward the day when I will be completely spontaneous and not miss a beat. Able to give and take with people and not worry about if I misinterpreted them, or how I appeared to them- all those things that used to cause me agony afterwards.

Marcia, what is the "same old place" you keep coming back to? Is it a state of mind?

It;s what Tolle and  Martha Beck named the WATCHER cause that's what it's like .. you feel like you're watching a TV show or something. I find that sometimes I'm right in the middle of an event, situation or person .. and suddenly I'm not participating anymore. I figure that it's just me finally moving out of denial and remote control to being "present".  This is why I loved reading A NEW EARTH .. he described exactly what I was feeling.  And Martha, she gave me a couple of exercises in THE FOUR-DAY WIN where I practiced having my WATCHER watching.

Don't you think it's a marvelous experience? I do, I'm able to hear what I'm saying .. still doing it on autopilot; however, the next time, I'm able to bring up my truths and it disappears over time.

I find that ths loop I'm in just keeps bringing me back to the same place.  It's what they refer to as "Eistein lightbulb" ...you know, he attempted over 100 times to perfect it and looked at all the failures as just ways it didn't work.  That's what I'm experiencing.  I just ran across a note from the last time I said "I'm in a loop" dated 6/2/08 -- it's only the 12th when I named it again. 

I'm just looking at a way to "remember" and I have to journal to figure out what it is (again!).

Does this happen to you?

We're talking about the same thing, but our experiences are different.

I understand what you mean about the Watcher, it's the practice of becoming self aware. Through this practice I have zeroed in on a quirk that may be peculiar to me only.

My experience is that I'm always there in the moment, I don't feel like I'm watching somebody else, however, I do have the feeling of watching myself from within. What my experience is, is that when my mind (or ego, as Tolle calls it),  is gearing up to influence me in some way, I get a physical reaction of the light around me dimming and a narrowing of my vision. I find this is an excellent tip-off to really pay attention to what my thoughts are saying to me.

 

And about your state of life, what is it that you are working on at the moment that you find yourself in a loop about? (Sometimes you are cryptic and it is difficult to follow your drift.)

 

P.S. Wasn't the inventor of the light bulb Edison?

 

I keep coming back to the same thoughts / feelings. It's the same thing every time. The same words  showing up in my writing.   I'm just now on pg 8 of Martha's book and it's showing me exactly what's going on with me.  I feel / know that I know my truth; however, my normal "conditioned" thought pattern has me returning to the same place. I know that I'm just going to continue to read the book as it's going to help me do differently. I'm just not sure what to do next ... all my tools aren't working right now to help me move on.  I'm just at a whole new plane and because I've never been here before, I'm having to seek assistance.

WOW, you actually see a change .. that's awesome.  I just find myself listening ...  seeing what's going on around me ... and being able to hear myself talk to myself separate from the actual moment.  I first experienced it back in 2004 when I started to do SELF MATTERS.  It was a little scary ..  now it's quite common and doesn't scare me anymore. I just know that I'm in watcher mode and that it's going to be okay.

Yes, it was Edison .. I'm just seeing Einstein's commercials on TV right now and simply confused the two.

Awsome  Book,   I am coming out of a deep depression and thourghly  read your  book and I have decided to  try to the best of my ability to make  my choice as you said.  Too many times I've made choices that were not for myself.

We create a box to live in.  And everything relates to that.  

 

And psychology services have much to answer for doing exactly what created the problem in the first place.  Anyone, no matter what age, race etc. can label others in ways that could affect their entire life.  This may have to do with the labels put on them but 2 wrongs don't make a right.  We should be free to experience life in an enlightening way, at any age, as this is how we build the future.  Brilliant architecture for one, comes from the impressions left in childhood.  Brilliant discoveries made based on the problems in childhood. 

 

And labelling is nothing higher than a box in a supermarket store.  Who would believe them any way?