I traveled down to the beach, to once again meet with the contractor/developer working on the house I am having built near my parents. This time I asked my father to accompany me to the meeting. I did that for several reasons. My father, a retired Accountant, NEEDED to GET OUT/away from my mother. He also, knows so many people around that beach and lastly he knows how to navigate business agreements far better than I EVER will. My mother DID NOT like my asking him to come one BIT!
Upon return to my parents home, my mother was still brooding. She leveled a mean glare at me and said, “I got some good stuff for that frizzy, dry, fly-away hair! Don’t let me forget to give it to you before you go!”
I responded with, “Well, thank you, Mother! Dusty Kitty (my cat) will so appreciate that you thought of her! Ya know, she spends half of her day preening herself and, bless her heart, half the time her coat still looks like and unmade bed, until I brush her out.” My mother just huffed, sneered and rolled her eyes.
She then began to ramble in an angry tone covering about 15 topics in about 10 minutes. Then out of the clear blue, she said, “ Seems strange… you bein’ a professional, having a job, a good one ,too… People seems to think something of you, too… You livin’ away from home for a long time, now.”
I was stumped. So I ventured with, “Well, Mother, you know, Linda and I have been adults for some time, now. Decades, in fact…”
She just shrugged and sighed saying, “Yeah..I reckon we just never expected ya’ll to amount to much….”
As my father shout at her and chastised her for her comment it suddenly dawned on me that this woman’s life-long distain for her children is linked -I believe- to her seeing us as nothing more than extensions of herself!! For the first time in my Whole life I realized that! I got it! (As Dr. Phil would say.) She has no self esteem, very poor self concept. Her narcissism is learned behavior and served as a survival mechanism in dealing with her own narcissistic mother.
How I have spent my entire life dealing with this woman and missing something THAT central, I don’t know!
It was a real ‘Well, Dah!!!’ moment for me! WOW!
Had to tell someone other than my twin sister, who responded with ”Who Cares!!” It does matter though, in more clearly understanding the way she relates.
Thanks for letting me bend your ear, again!
Brenda
