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Topic : Defining Your Authentic Self

Number of Replies: 7819
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 11:20:02 am
Author : dataimport
Have you read "Self Matters" or become familiar with the process of uncovering your authentic self from watching the show? Share your story here.

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July 26, 2005, 2:44 pm CDT

ritahere

I really like the picture you have over there to the right side........  it is very nice to see when i come on here!!!
 
July 26, 2005, 5:09 pm CDT

Found New Insight

I traveled down to the beach, to once again meet with the contractor/developer working on the house I am having built near my parents. This time I asked my father to accompany me to the meeting. I did that for several reasons. My father, a retired Accountant, NEEDED to GET OUT/away from my mother. He also, knows so many people around that beach and lastly he knows how to navigate business agreements far better than I EVER will. My mother DID NOT like my asking him to come one BIT!

Upon return to my parents home, my mother was still brooding. She leveled a mean glare at me and said, “I got some good stuff for that frizzy, dry, fly-away hair! Don’t let me forget to give it to you before you go!”

I responded with, “Well, thank you, Mother! Dusty Kitty (my cat) will so appreciate that you thought of her! Ya know, she spends half of her day preening herself and, bless her heart, half the time her coat still looks like and unmade bed, until I brush her out.” My mother just huffed, sneered and rolled her eyes.

She then began to ramble in an angry tone covering about 15 topics in about 10 minutes. Then out of the clear blue, she said, “ Seems strange… you bein’ a professional, having a job, a good one ,too… People seems to think something of you, too… You livin’ away from home for a long time, now.”

I was stumped. So I ventured with, “Well, Mother, you know, Linda and I have been adults for some time, now. Decades, in fact…”

She just shrugged and sighed saying, “Yeah..I reckon we just never expected ya’ll to amount to much….”

As my father shout at her and chastised her for her comment it suddenly dawned on me that this woman’s life-long distain for her children is linked -I believe- to her seeing us as nothing more than extensions of herself!! For the first time in my Whole life I realized that! I got it! (As Dr. Phil would say.) She has no self esteem, very poor self concept. Her narcissism is learned behavior and served as a survival mechanism in dealing with her own narcissistic mother.

How I have spent my entire life dealing with this woman and missing something THAT central, I don’t know!

It was a real ‘Well, Dah!!!’ moment for me! WOW!

Had to tell someone other than my twin sister, who responded with ”Who Cares!!” It does matter though, in more clearly understanding the way she relates.

Thanks for letting me bend your ear, again!

Brenda

 
July 26, 2005, 5:58 pm CDT

Self Matters July 27

Dr. Phil's Self Matters Wednesdy July 27

 

If  you have knowledge, let others light their candles at it.

 

--Margaret Fuller

 
July 26, 2005, 6:25 pm CDT

Thank you

Quote From: hisjewel

I really like the picture you have over there to the right side........ it is very nice to see when i come on here!!!
That's a picture of Ben Nevis, the highest peak in Britain. I was in Scotland last year and my husband and I climbed it partway. There was a race going on, and the top was shrouded in thick mist, so we didn't climb all the way up. We didn't want a runner to plow into us on the unfamiliar trail, and ruin his or her race. I WILL make it back one day though, and complete the climb.
 
July 26, 2005, 6:28 pm CDT

Hello again!

Quote From: longstory

Dr. Phil's Self Matters Wednesdy July 27

If you have knowledge, let others light their candles at it.

--Margaret Fuller

 I hope you know that you have been a "candle" here for many of us. Thank you so much for this quote.
 
July 26, 2005, 6:37 pm CDT

Ladycat,

Quote From: ladycat

I am 69 years old and have spent almost my entire adult life wondering where I fit, in this life. I am never comfortable in social situations particularly with people that I know. Put me in a room of moreacquaintances than strangers and it is the loneliest place to be. Even when the event is with immediate family it can be very lonely. I just do not seem to belong.

I began "Self Matters" a year ago and got to the ages 13-20 chapter. I am trying to pick it up again. Just writing this is quite a challenge, it's as if I am afraid to find out what is in my past thatcould be frightening or upsetting.

I am an only child and spent most of my life with adults; high school graduate,married 50 years Oct 05, 4 children, 10 grandchildren, 10 great-grandchildren. Have been active and still active in many organizations not only as a member but also as an officer. It is also very difficult for me to complete projects; I will become very anxious, easier to put aside but then I continually worry.

Anyone there with suggestions?

 Your sadness comes through your post and touches my heart. I spent a good deal of my life "in the corner" also. Take your time with Self Matters. Sometimes the memories can be difficult, and sometimes we need help with them from a professional. If this is the case, don't hesitate to ask for the help you deserve. Congratulations on 50 years of marriage and all of your children, I hope to accomplish as much as you have when I get where you are in life.
 
July 26, 2005, 6:47 pm CDT

regarding insight

Quote From: blgspc

I traveled down to the beach, to once again meet with the contractor/developer working on the house I am having built near my parents. This time I asked my father to accompany me to the meeting. I did that for several reasons. My father, a retired Accountant, NEEDED to GET OUT/away from my mother. He also, knows so many people around that beach and lastly he knows how to navigate business agreements far better than I EVER will. My mother DID NOT like my asking him to come one BIT!

Upon return to my parents home, my mother was still brooding. She leveled a mean glare at me and said, “I got some good stuff for that frizzy, dry, fly-away hair! Don’t let me forget to give it to you before you go!”

I responded with, “Well, thank you, Mother! Dusty Kitty (my cat) will so appreciate that you thought of her! Ya know, she spends half of her day preening herself and, bless her heart, half the time her coat still looks like and unmade bed, until I brush her out.” My mother just huffed, sneered and rolled her eyes.

She then began to ramble in an angry tone covering about 15 topics in about 10 minutes. Then out of the clear blue, she said, “ Seems strange… you bein’ a professional, having a job, a good one ,too… People seems to think something of you, too… You livin’ away from home for a long time, now.”

I was stumped. So I ventured with, “Well, Mother, you know, Linda and I have been adults for some time, now. Decades, in fact…”

She just shrugged and sighed saying, “Yeah..I reckon we just never expected ya’ll to amount to much….”

As my father shout at her and chastised her for her comment it suddenly dawned on me that this woman’s life-long distain for her children is linked -I believe- to her seeing us as nothing more than extensions of herself!! For the first time in my Whole life I realized that! I got it! (As Dr. Phil would say.) She has no self esteem, very poor self concept. Her narcissism is learned behavior and served as a survival mechanism in dealing with her own narcissistic mother.

How I have spent my entire life dealing with this woman and missing something THAT central, I don’t know!

It was a real ‘Well, Dah!!!’ moment for me! WOW!

Had to tell someone other than my twin sister, who responded with ”Who Cares!!” It does matter though, in more clearly understanding the way she relates.

Thanks for letting me bend your ear, again!

Brenda

 Brenda, it sounds to me like she's jealous of you too. Her comments were "levelers." I can only imagine the opinion she has of herself that would prompt such behavior. On the other hand, isn't it just like a spotlight has been trained on a facet of your relationship with her? You are breaking the cycle.  Take care of yourself. -Linda
 
July 26, 2005, 6:47 pm CDT

thankx for the advice

Quote From: dobbawabba

Hi everyone- This is my first time here, and am looking forward to some good conversations. I chose dobbawabba as my user name because a boy in 3rd grade (almost 40 yrs. ago) used to tease me by calling me that name, and, well,I secretly liked it!! The authentic me is learning to speak up even when it really scares me, or if it might cause some type controversy. I do this kindly, and find that my resentment level has diminished greatly, and my happiness has risen proportionately. Anyhow, I've got to go to work now, would love some responses!! Your friend-dobbawabba.
Now, there's some advice I could really use - I only have one friend who I need to voice my opinion with, but as I'm 13 years younger than her, she yells over the top of me or shouts at me "Listen to me.......". & goes on to tell me that I should get involved in everybody elses problems. I stick to myself for much of the time & have enough problems of my own without anybody elses'. This friend really needs to quit obsessing about the sexual abuse her children have suffered at the hands of her last 2 husbands & let them get on with their lives. Every day she reminds the kids of what happened to them & they aren't allowed to heal. & it's been this way for 5 YEARS!!! I don't want it to seem like I"m abandoning this friend, but I feel as though I just can't help her & she's really dragging me down & then I get affected by the situation. But for me, I really think I'm going to have to disentangle from the situation & get on with my own life, but feel I'm being horribly selfish as she doesn't have many friends. But, the situation is kind of of her own making, afterall, she did invite these questionable characters into her home. After I had children & my ex left I was so wary of men, & have only had one 'boyfriend' in 7 years (we split up after I got pregnant as he was told he couldn't have children & he doesn't believe the beautiful little baby is his). Oh well, it's allowed me to find out just how strong I really am & I'm determined to get along with my life without the ball & chain of the older kids dad. I'm going to do a writing course which is probably more productive than sitting on the internet all day & half the night, although this is good 'therapy'. Hope all goes well for you. Meg
 
July 26, 2005, 6:48 pm CDT

Defining Your Authentic Self

Quote From: ritehere

That's a picture of Ben Nevis, the highest peak in Britain. I was in Scotland last year and my husband and I climbed it partway. There was a race going on, and the top was shrouded in thick mist, so we didn't climb all the way up. We didn't want a runner to plow into us on the unfamiliar trail, and ruin his or her race. I WILL make it back one day though, and complete the climb.
i went to scottland last summer but the place i went looked nothing like that!!  LOL
 
July 27, 2005, 12:03 am CDT

Hi Everyone !!

Thought I would drop in and say Hi and Thank you all for your thoughts & prayers through e-mail and also here on the board . You all have been wonderful support here , Thank - You !! Husband & I are hoping Doctors have more answers for us on Friday . I will post ; let you all know when we find out . It the waiting and not knowing is really getting to us both . It is very trying time . We will pull throw this - I hope . Thank you all so much for all the prayers and thoughts . ~ Lynn

 
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