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Topic : Defining Your Authentic Self

Number of Replies: 7819
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 11:20:02 am
Author : dataimport
Have you read "Self Matters" or become familiar with the process of uncovering your authentic self from watching the show? Share your story here.

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April 24, 2009, 12:39 pm CDT

Getting my life back

I need someone to be happy.
 
May 1, 2009, 8:37 am CDT

Explain?

Quote From: abbielane26

I need someone to be happy.

You're title said you are getting your life back.

 

So you need someone to be happy about that? OK, I'm happy for you!

Now, are YOU happy for you?

 
May 5, 2009, 1:38 pm CDT

Trying to find my authentic self.

The true self that does not do things, say things, with intent to harm and destroy.  It seems my mentality of being victim has put me in a postion where I feel it is ok to hurt and harm and be selfish towards others. To be able to lie, just for the sake of lying, or to lie to cover up the truth, or what I am trying to find, my authentic self that does not need to feel I have to cover up and be something else. I don't think finding self authentiticy is easy because you have to really be able to see that everything out side of natural disasters and natural life occurances, was somehow based in decisions we made.

 

I am trying my best , and at best, it is v ery humbling to try to remove the skin of dillusion that I tried to trick everyone with thinking it would somehow make me appear more together, likealbe or even lovable.  But who I have become has not been a nice person because I look at the trail of heartbreak and rejections that I have left, and all the good people that I let slip by because they werenn't good enough, and how I string along people because that's what they do to me. I am learning that even though I have survived a lot, it has brought with it a sense of armour that is forever pervading in my existence. 

 

Authenticy, finding the real self that lies beyond the veil of illusion, betrayals, hurts, rejections to the self that does not get affected by this but grows in love for the suffering of others suffering. Its without saying we can't love someone until we can truly love our own authentic selves or we will look for relief through the meetings of other people, food, clothes, vacations, jewerly, diet pills, alcohol. How many people scrapple around portraying themselves as happy because they have nice cars, money in their pockets, sex to please at all times, abundance of food and drink? How many people actually believe this defines them?  Peel away the first layer, the veil, beyond the illusion of fears, and you will find your authentic self and then you will find peace.   Kimi

 
May 6, 2009, 1:46 pm CDT

Defining Your Authentic Self

Quote From: kimikomine

The true self that does not do things, say things, with intent to harm and destroy.  It seems my mentality of being victim has put me in a postion where I feel it is ok to hurt and harm and be selfish towards others. To be able to lie, just for the sake of lying, or to lie to cover up the truth, or what I am trying to find, my authentic self that does not need to feel I have to cover up and be something else. I don't think finding self authentiticy is easy because you have to really be able to see that everything out side of natural disasters and natural life occurances, was somehow based in decisions we made.

 

I am trying my best , and at best, it is v ery humbling to try to remove the skin of dillusion that I tried to trick everyone with thinking it would somehow make me appear more together, likealbe or even lovable.  But who I have become has not been a nice person because I look at the trail of heartbreak and rejections that I have left, and all the good people that I let slip by because they werenn't good enough, and how I string along people because that's what they do to me. I am learning that even though I have survived a lot, it has brought with it a sense of armour that is forever pervading in my existence. 

 

Authenticy, finding the real self that lies beyond the veil of illusion, betrayals, hurts, rejections to the self that does not get affected by this but grows in love for the suffering of others suffering. Its without saying we can't love someone until we can truly love our own authentic selves or we will look for relief through the meetings of other people, food, clothes, vacations, jewerly, diet pills, alcohol. How many people scrapple around portraying themselves as happy because they have nice cars, money in their pockets, sex to please at all times, abundance of food and drink? How many people actually believe this defines them?  Peel away the first layer, the veil, beyond the illusion of fears, and you will find your authentic self and then you will find peace.   Kimi

Hey Kimi,
   I've read a lot of your help posts from the past and this has to be one of your most reveling yet. You see some things about yourself that you weren't aware of or hadn't come to terms with before. Other than the fact  that it has caused turmoil inside you, you are now finding out why. Don't judge yourself so hard. I think you are a very together and caring person, your heart comes out plenty of times, but life is always easier explained than lived. I don't think anyone here thought that you ran your whole life like you post in the forums. Damn, wouldn't that be great.
   I was told by a marriage councilor that we have learned how we expect relationships to work by our observations from childhood. He wanted us to to know that just because we learned one way that we did not have to accept running our own lives the same way. That we are not hard wired one way without the ability to change ourselves
   Being happy with one self is so important. I may be wrong but I don't think one can ever reach a point where you can sit back and say that you have found Nirvana. I have trouble with a poor self image and it's hard to get past that to find all the happiness and love inside me. I think you're a hell of a person and will be able to strip off that armor and let the light in bit by bit.
Sincerely,
Twisted Poet
 
May 7, 2009, 6:58 am CDT

Which path are you following?

Quote From: kimikomine

The true self that does not do things, say things, with intent to harm and destroy.  It seems my mentality of being victim has put me in a postion where I feel it is ok to hurt and harm and be selfish towards others. To be able to lie, just for the sake of lying, or to lie to cover up the truth, or what I am trying to find, my authentic self that does not need to feel I have to cover up and be something else. I don't think finding self authentiticy is easy because you have to really be able to see that everything out side of natural disasters and natural life occurances, was somehow based in decisions we made.

 

I am trying my best , and at best, it is v ery humbling to try to remove the skin of dillusion that I tried to trick everyone with thinking it would somehow make me appear more together, likealbe or even lovable.  But who I have become has not been a nice person because I look at the trail of heartbreak and rejections that I have left, and all the good people that I let slip by because they werenn't good enough, and how I string along people because that's what they do to me. I am learning that even though I have survived a lot, it has brought with it a sense of armour that is forever pervading in my existence. 

 

Authenticy, finding the real self that lies beyond the veil of illusion, betrayals, hurts, rejections to the self that does not get affected by this but grows in love for the suffering of others suffering. Its without saying we can't love someone until we can truly love our own authentic selves or we will look for relief through the meetings of other people, food, clothes, vacations, jewerly, diet pills, alcohol. How many people scrapple around portraying themselves as happy because they have nice cars, money in their pockets, sex to please at all times, abundance of food and drink? How many people actually believe this defines them?  Peel away the first layer, the veil, beyond the illusion of fears, and you will find your authentic self and then you will find peace.   Kimi

While there are many avenues to reaquainting yourself with your authenticity, I'm parial to using Dr Phil's  SELF MATTERS and  LIFE STRATEGIES books. More than anything else I've ever read, they changed my life for the better.

Don't hesitate to get one-on-one counseling too if you need to speak with someone. There came a point where my memories and feelings of guilt were almost unbearable, and I sought guidance from a professional counselor.

 

Your authentic self is always with you, it never left. You left it, and it is a conscious decision to reconnect that will get you started down the right path again.

 

Onwards and upwards.

 

 
May 7, 2009, 5:35 pm CDT

thank you.

Quote From: twisted_poet

Hey Kimi,
   I've read a lot of your help posts from the past and this has to be one of your most reveling yet. You see some things about yourself that you weren't aware of or hadn't come to terms with before. Other than the fact  that it has caused turmoil inside you, you are now finding out why. Don't judge yourself so hard. I think you are a very together and caring person, your heart comes out plenty of times, but life is always easier explained than lived. I don't think anyone here thought that you ran your whole life like you post in the forums. Damn, wouldn't that be great.
   I was told by a marriage councilor that we have learned how we expect relationships to work by our observations from childhood. He wanted us to to know that just because we learned one way that we did not have to accept running our own lives the same way. That we are not hard wired one way without the ability to change ourselves
   Being happy with one self is so important. I may be wrong but I don't think one can ever reach a point where you can sit back and say that you have found Nirvana. I have trouble with a poor self image and it's hard to get past that to find all the happiness and love inside me. I think you're a hell of a person and will be able to strip off that armor and let the light in bit by bit.
Sincerely,
Twisted Poet
I do appreciate your encouragement helping confirm that I am on the right track. It has definately been an eye opener and it has me feeling very humble and respectful for myself for honoring the part of myself that I have somehow managed to believe it was better to keep it hidden. Then there are parts that had to stay hidden but don't any longer. The freedom that comes from being real is unremarkable. With being real comes responsibility for our choices and the way we choose to live. And it is never too late to start!  I would like to say I wish I had gotten here sooner, but I also know there will be many more epiphanies that will make me go "a'ha!". When we lie, we lie to ourselves foremost and it is usually done to protect ourselves. But if we are real, we don't need to protect ourselves all the time, being closed, because we will know that we will protect ourselves when we need to, not have it dictate all my relationships.  Take care. Kimi
 
May 7, 2009, 5:40 pm CDT

Thank you, too.

Quote From: ritehere

While there are many avenues to reaquainting yourself with your authenticity, I'm parial to using Dr Phil's  SELF MATTERS and  LIFE STRATEGIES books. More than anything else I've ever read, they changed my life for the better.

Don't hesitate to get one-on-one counseling too if you need to speak with someone. There came a point where my memories and feelings of guilt were almost unbearable, and I sought guidance from a professional counselor.

 

Your authentic self is always with you, it never left. You left it, and it is a conscious decision to reconnect that will get you started down the right path again.

 

Onwards and upwards.

 

Don't you love it when a book can do that? :) I will look them up. Thanks. I do go to counseling and my new therapist is wonderful. Very clear and tough. I need that. lol I also have guilt, we all do to some extent, but it is a useless emotion if we don't change the things that have created it. Sometimes it means getting rough with people and being clear about boundaries. To me guilt is a motivator to do something different, and love is the lesson. :)

 

I agree that the authentic self was always there. I am finally feeling like I am coming home!

 

Onwards and upwards?

Absolutely!!

 
May 15, 2009, 7:52 pm CDT

Self Matters

I am now reading the book Self Matters with great interest. Finally I found someone who can evaluate and present in a simple and straight forward manner all the information on self-emprovement and  take control of our lives techniques and methods.

 

However I had difficulty with the last few paragraphs in the section on the 5 pivital people. Why am I being asked to list myself as the number 1 pivital person on the list? That is taken for granted and implicit in all of Dr. Phil instructions in identifying the pivitol persons.

 

He goes to great length in the first part of the book to convince me to recognize myself as the most important person in my life. I agree that I am so it goes without saying that I am number 1.

 

I would have felt more comfortable if those last few paragraphs where phased in a slightly different manner. I prefer to feel that Dr. Phil was asking me to identify the 5 "other" pivitol persons in my life.

 

No big deal really but I chose my words carefully. I feel that the the manner in which the last few paragraphs were expressed could have been phrased better.

 

Anyway, I appreciate being able to express my opinions but I recognize that doing so is more for my own benefit than for the benefit of others.

 

Lastly, I admire and respect  Dr. Phil, his wife Robin, his family and  all the staff members connected to his organization. It's about time that we had a no-nonsense, tell it like it is, don't try to BS me professional on TV.

 

Richard

 
May 26, 2009, 11:30 am CDT

Self Matters

This book was wonderful. I wish I had read it 20 years ago! I came from a very screwed up family and they constantly sabatoged my life and relatonships. I eventually had a nervous breakdown.

That is when I started focusing on me. I am 49 and my heart just gave out on the operating table so now I have a new pacemaker/defibrulator. I know my poop health was due to stress.

I have to focus on myself now or die. That is my only choice.

I had to battle pain and violence and accusations for 20 years. I am on my third husband. A good one, and a kind one! Kindness ranks above all else with me. Not money or status or great ex. Just kindness.

 
May 27, 2009, 5:33 pm CDT

Testing ... Testing

I've been trying to post online for a few months now and keep getting timed out ... hopefully now it will work.  Cross your fingers, mine are :)
 
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