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Topic : Defining Your Authentic Self

Number of Replies: 7819
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 11:20:02 am
Author : dataimport
Have you read "Self Matters" or become familiar with the process of uncovering your authentic self from watching the show? Share your story here.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

June 8, 2009, 9:04 pm CDT

Self Matters

Dr. Phil.  I haven't sent a message on this board for a couple of years now.  Since haven first read, Self Matters, for which I've re-read several times, I've been out lving my life and not sitting on the sidelines as I was beforehand.  I now realize that everything that I experienced before was destined to be.  I spent so many years sleep walking til I read, Self Matters.  I spent three weeks writting down all of my thoughts and I was amazed at what I thought of myself.  Instead of focusing on what was important to me, I was trying to please others.  I've been so busy in the last 7 years trying out new things and exploring new options in my life.  Many ventures failed but others flourished.  Relationships started and ended but it's what they made of me that enriched my life.  I possess an inner strength that I've never known in my younger years.  I'll be 44 next month, yet I feel like I'm 22.  I have clear thoughts and my body feels like that of a 24 year old.  I no longer drink coffee nor do I drink alcohol anymore, not that I drank much of it.  I've detoxcified my body and my mind.  I'm consumed with the thoughts of abundance whether than those of scarcity.  I've read all of your books and I thank God for giving you the gift of helping others.  Your books opened my mind to then get to know others such as Eckhart Tolle, Anthony Robbins, Dr Wayne Dyer, Caroline Myss, Dr Deepak Chopra, and the list goes on and on. 

 

God bless you and your organization.

 

Namaste......Daniel

 
June 15, 2009, 4:08 pm CDT

I finally understand ....

I've spent the past 4-5 years figuring out what I'm experiencing.  I know that it seems like I'm focusing long and hard on something I should let go; however, it's a place I come to that is so painful that it brings me such levels of depression.  It was Judith Beck's book THE BECK DIET SOLUTION that finally helped me understand how I could be in OBSERVER MODE ... very strange place to be.  Martha Beck introduced me to it; however, it was Judith's exercise on dealing with cravings that I finally realized that I'm very in touched with me.

It was so strange ... I was hearing ME say ... no I don't want to have a snack .. and yet, I got off the couch and walked into the kitchen and made me toast ... and ME was just along for the ride.  I've spent months working this out ... taking all the knowledge I've learned and worked thru it.

And now, I know what it is and that it's not a bad place to be. I'm making plans on handling myself better and not allow myself to get lost any more. It's so awesome.

Still unable to post to the new website ... wonder why?
 
June 17, 2009, 11:36 am CDT

Oh, Marcia....

Quote From: marcia52

I've been trying to post online for a few months now and keep getting timed out ... hopefully now it will work.  Cross your fingers, mine are :)

I have been missing you and Linda SO-O-O-O badly!

 

I have a suggestion about posting on the new board. When you get to the list of message board topics on the new board (i.e. Self Matters, Talk About The Show, Weight, Teen Talk etc...) There is a 'Speak Your Mind' link there and when you click on that there is a 'Help' section just for the new board! Check it out!!! You can leave a message for one of the moderators about your problem!

 

Brenda :-)

 
June 17, 2009, 2:00 pm CDT

I AM SO ANGRY WITH ME!!!

Quote From: marcia52

I've spent the past 4-5 years figuring out what I'm experiencing.  I know that it seems like I'm focusing long and hard on something I should let go; however, it's a place I come to that is so painful that it brings me such levels of depression.  It was Judith Beck's book THE BECK DIET SOLUTION that finally helped me understand how I could be in OBSERVER MODE ... very strange place to be.  Martha Beck introduced me to it; however, it was Judith's exercise on dealing with cravings that I finally realized that I'm very in touched with me.

It was so strange ... I was hearing ME say ... no I don't want to have a snack .. and yet, I got off the couch and walked into the kitchen and made me toast ... and ME was just along for the ride.  I've spent months working this out ... taking all the knowledge I've learned and worked thru it.

And now, I know what it is and that it's not a bad place to be. I'm making plans on handling myself better and not allow myself to get lost any more. It's so awesome.

Still unable to post to the new website ... wonder why?

Let me tell you what I did! So STUPID!!!!

I mean I was THERE and I can’t even believe that I did it!

I’ve been doing my research on the very best vehicle for me! I had chosen the vehicle and went to the dealership last week. Well they had TWO on the WHOLE LOT. Neither were the trim nor the combination of colors that I was looking for. I spoke with this older salesman and as usual he was going round in circles about prices, poking in numbers randomly but nothing in terms of bottom line figures. So, I finally asked him, “So, WHAT IS THE BOTTOM LINE figure-everything included- in this trim, in that vehicle, using my car as trade?!?” So then the guy actually gives me a really decent figure! I again asked IF THAT number included everything and he said, “That’s the ‘you drive it off the lot price!’” He showed me the work sheet and sure enough that was the figure on the bottom line- including every single thing that I could think of. I was fine with that so I asked how long it would take to locate the vehicle I wanted and get it to the lot. He explained that they would begin working on that immediately and felt that it would be just a matter of days. Fine, we had a deal. I shook his hand and left. Since I had asked for another salesman a friend had suggested I deal with who happened to be off that day, the older man explained that the younger salesman I had originally asked for would actually be handling the purchase. O-key-doe-key!

Well, day before yesterday the courteous younger salesman who had been in touch with me almost daily, alerted me that the vehicle had arrived and I could come in anytime and complete the paperwork. I went that day- after having a short talk with my father. He earnestly believed that I was incapable of nailing a good deal! I traveled on to the dealership meeting with these ultra ‘friendly’ people. The younger salesman showed me the new vehicle, inside and out and after a lot of pleasant chatter he pulled out the paperwork. Suddenly, he was talking in figures above what the older man had spoken of. I then asked to see the worksheet and there in the older man’s hand writing on an identical worksheet was a different set of numbers! I never asked the older salesman for a copy of the worksheet! However, he DID write the figure down on a slip of paper-I still have it! And, I choked! Right there! Instead of saying ‘Whoa! These aren’t the same numbers we discussed the other day! This isn’t even the same paperwork I was shown the last time!’ In the past I have been an absolute PAIN IN THE A** for ANY car salesmen! If I saw ONE tiny thing that didn’t look right I STOPPED them and said, ‘NO! NO! NO!’ AND ‘Look! You Are Going To stick with the deal or our negotiations ARE OVER!!!!’ Instead I said nothing.

My VERY-OLD-THOUGHT-IT-WAS-GONE-PASSIVITY was back! (Also, THIS HAPPENS TO BE A VERY GRAND EXAMPLE OF SELF-FULFILLING PROPHECY! HELLO!)

Of course, all the way home I was busy externalizing blame and calling myself ‘STUPID’, at the same time!!! It was like I was emotionally paralyzed, frozen like a fly in amber when I was dealing with these ‘friendly‘, smooth-talking, ‘say-anything’ people at the dealership! I CAN NOT BELIEVE THAT I JUST LET THAT HAPPEN! I know that I did LET THAT happen though because I was there!!! Before I moved back here I would NEVER have allowed that to happen! NEVER!!! I have been kicking MYSELF every since! I was ashamed, embarrassed and felt inadequate. Now, I have the vehicle that I want that I spent more money on than I really had to spend! That OLD passivity BACK and it is crippling me!!!

 

Brenda

 
June 19, 2009, 6:22 am CDT

teen life

Hi, Im 14 years old and Im having stressful teen problems.Which are friends and school,every day I wake up I have nothing to do.I use to have friends and go to a good school.Now Im in high school ,which I hate because I dont have any friends and the school is one of he worst schools in the city.I dont know what to do and the people who attend that school are not like me at all........I hate it so much that I fell like droping out but I can't and want because I want to go to college and Im a very smart perosn
 
June 22, 2009, 8:17 am CDT

Hello everybody!

I gave up checking in here because it was a ghost town, but it appears that we haven't been shut down after all and it's good to hear from you again! I've been on the current events boards expressing my dismay at what's going on.

Marcia, glad to see that you are still a work in progress, aren't we all? I've certainly fallen off the wagon as of late and need to get back on.

Brenda, don't be so hard on yourself, in the end you have the vehicle you wanted correct? They only scammed you if you believe they did. Why not just see it as a mistake? That's what it was, a miscommunication between the salesmen and a mistake in not getting it in writing on your part. We all do this, join the huge club. You and I know that it won't happen again and that's the main thing.

I beat myself up for awhile because we should have waited to buy a house last year, we could have got a nicer one for less price had we waited. But you know what? I'm not a fortune teller, so beating myself up about it is a huge waste of time. In the end, we have a beautiful house, even if it needs some work that we can't afford to do right now.

 
June 22, 2009, 8:34 am CDT

Transition

Quote From: doty94

Hi, Im 14 years old and Im having stressful teen problems.Which are friends and school,every day I wake up I have nothing to do.I use to have friends and go to a good school.Now Im in high school ,which I hate because I dont have any friends and the school is one of he worst schools in the city.I dont know what to do and the people who attend that school are not like me at all........I hate it so much that I fell like droping out but I can't and want because I want to go to college and Im a very smart perosn

That first year of high school can be a tough one. Did you move to a different area and so have nobody from your old school going to the new one?

One thing you might try is to pick an extra curricular activity that you think you might like. That way you'll fall in with a few other kids that have a same interest as you, and it will give you something to do.

 

Another thing you might try is to remember what it was like when you  first went to kindergarten. It was a new adventure and maybe you were a little scared then too? But you made it OK, and even made some friends. Trust me, you will look back on this part of your life when you are a senior, and it will be like looking back on kindergarten now.

 

Making good and lasting friends depends on your approach now. Don't just wait for somebody to come invite you into their group, scout out people who are doing things that interest you, and join them.

 

As to getting a good education, it can be done under the humblest of circumstances. Hundreds of children are home-schooled with only text-books and a parent. Yet, many home-schooled students have been shown to be better prepared academically than public schooled students. A better school does not guarantee entrance to college, only the willingness and perseverance of the student does that. If you want to get into a good university, a group you might want to join is the National Honor Society. These students all have university as their goal and every high school supports this organization.

 

Good luck, come back and let us know how you are doing OK?

 
June 23, 2009, 2:23 am CDT

Catching up

Hi everyone

 

I thought it was time to make an appearance.  Just got home from a 2 week vacation to Malaysia.  Spent a couple of days in Kuala Lumpur before driving off to the Cameron Highlands for a couple of days then drove over to Penang for a weeks R & R at a resort before driving back to Kuala Lumpur before heading home to Perth.

 

Life has been hectic and stressful but thanks to the lessons I learned about myself from doing the Dr Phil I know that the wrench that is about to happen with finishing with a company I started and grew to a large enterprise is just another small speed hump and is not a reflection on the real being that is me.

 

Couple that with difficulties on house purchases and almost rebuilding - well it would have floored the old me. 

 

Yes I feel crappy about some of the things but I can honestly say that I still feel good about ME.  The only one that really matters because without me feeling good about I can't be good for my loved ones.

 

Hope everyone is still moving forward with their lives - it looks that way - good luck everyone

 

Continue forward

 
June 26, 2009, 8:32 am CDT

Hey Grub!

Quote From: grub48

Hi everyone

 

I thought it was time to make an appearance.  Just got home from a 2 week vacation to Malaysia.  Spent a couple of days in Kuala Lumpur before driving off to the Cameron Highlands for a couple of days then drove over to Penang for a weeks R & R at a resort before driving back to Kuala Lumpur before heading home to Perth.

 

Life has been hectic and stressful but thanks to the lessons I learned about myself from doing the Dr Phil I know that the wrench that is about to happen with finishing with a company I started and grew to a large enterprise is just another small speed hump and is not a reflection on the real being that is me.

 

Couple that with difficulties on house purchases and almost rebuilding - well it would have floored the old me. 

 

Yes I feel crappy about some of the things but I can honestly say that I still feel good about ME.  The only one that really matters because without me feeling good about I can't be good for my loved ones.

 

Hope everyone is still moving forward with their lives - it looks that way - good luck everyone

 

Continue forward

I have always wanted to see Kuala Lumpur, I'm green with envy! Hope you had a memorable time and took lots of pictures.

Life in the USA has taken a turn for the bizarre. Changes are coming swiftly and many here are off balance, stressed, afraid for the future, and angry. But life goes on, and cope we must.

I agree with you, in times past the personal family problems we are dealing with along with the developements in the national and world fronts would have knocked me flat. These are the times when you draw on your inner resources and focus on what  you CAN control and influence.

 

Always good to hear from you.

 

 
June 28, 2009, 9:55 am CDT

Oh, Y'all......

Yesterday was THE DAY my twin sister and I planned to SURPRISE my Dad with an 80th Birthday Party.

He had ONLY been lukewarm about going with us to one of his favorite Seafood places that had a party room. We never sent out a SINGLE written invitation. I just contacted people who had known him and asked them to spread the word. I then got back with those folks and got a feel for how many might come. All in all with the feedback that I got we were expecting about 30 people.

I really thought that he was going to back out at the very last minute! So, after we had decorated the party room at the restaurant including THE CAKE with the ‘Red Roof Inn’- his little shanty - where he and his men friends go to hunt, talk and cook Duck Bog- we came BACK to get my father. He seemed morose, low energy and just going with us to please my niece- his only grandchild. When we got BACK to the restaurant the parking lot was almost full.(When we had left to go fetch my father only two guests had arrived, so at that point I had been a little worried.) We had to almost drag him to the party area- he was saying, “We’re supposed to WAIT to be seated!”. My twin sister took his hand and said, “Not Necessary!” When we got to the party room the 30 people we were expecting were all there with another 20 more people, ALL of the folks who had always LOVED MY Dad! They all cheered when they saw him and shouted, “SURPRISE!” His response almost made me cry. He broke out into a GRIN that ran from there almost to the NC Line! When I unveiled the cake I thought that the men were going to give that cake a standing ovation! My father was overwhelmed and said, "I want A LOT of pictures of THAT CAKE!" We had also, prepared a huge collage firm board poster of pictures that we scanned and blew-up of HIM from the age of 2years old -when he refused to stand up straight for my Grandma Mary- to childhood pictures of him as a skinny freckled face farm boy, to his adolescence, and pictures of him as a drop-dead-gorgeous young man in a suit AND pictures of him with his parents as a very young man. We even got pictures of him in his US Air Force uniform. We had pictures all the way up to NOW!

My sister-‘the talker’ when we’re together- surprised me by handing the address to all of those people over to me! When I asked her WHY she responded in her typical smart ass style, “Well, you know how bashful and shy I am!” Well, I was just SO relieved that we got him there that I stood up in the middle of that room and just looked at ALL of those faces of smiling people who LOVE my Dad and I thanked them from the very bottom of my heart for joining us to celebrate his 80 years on Earth!

I don’t believe that I have EVER seen him smile and laugh like he did yesterday! Then, I was REALLY GLAD that we planned that whole thing. He typically AVOIDS crowds, even when it’s people he knows.

He was still laughing and talking about that party until he went to bed last night!

 

Brenda :-)

 
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