Topic : Defining Your Authentic Self

When I finished reading Self Matters and had experimented to see who this process works, I was able to use my emotional eating habits to help me track what was going on in my life.   I binge when I'm unhappy or feel unsafe or whatever - I'm an emotional eater - anything can set me off. 

And over the years, the 1 tool that always worked for me was tracking my intake of food.  And with SELF MATTERS I was able to add another part to it : 

-- WHENEVER I ATE, I WROTE DOWN WHAT WAS GOING ON IN MY LIFE  

-- Because I do a weekly reporting which holds me accountable to my goals, I was able to figure out what was going on in my life because I ALWAYS and I DO MEAN ALWAYS stopped keeping the food log when I have entered one of my patterns.  I went from being derailed for months at a time to finally catching it a couple days into it starting up.   

I have prioritized my goals and focus on the top 3.  It used to be just 1; however, I've been able to do 3 now at a time and still work on my life.   

My high 3 goals are:  I want to be a HOME MANAGER.   I want to be FINANCIALLY SUCCESSFUL.  I want to live a HEALTHY LIFE STYLE.  Once I defined what it meant to me, I had to do goal work.   

I had to define what was realistic.  What steps did I need to take to get there?  What did I need to learn?  How would I know what mid-point was or if I were 3/4th of the way or it was accomplished.  It took me time to work things out; howver, I was able to ask myself questions when my tapes popped up and I was able to challenge the scripts I had written so long ago and still followed. 

The planning tool is something I got from Martha Beck's article a few months ago about Social Interacting.   

Don't be sorry. I'm not judging you and I don't want to either. As I said I can feel your pain, sorrow, and hear how harshly you are judging yourself. 

Whatever you have done there comes a time you and only you can forgive yourself (and as Dr Phil says; there is power in forgiveness). This is sometime you have to decide to do when you are ready to do. Know that there is support for you "out here", and I would like to cheer you on in every way I can. 

I'm not a professional psychologist in anyway. I did read (I think) on this messageboard that you have contact with some kind psychologist? In that case great for you. 

I'm up now at 3 am (couldn't sleep), so I thought I might see what is going on here. I hope I make some sense. 

An elderly lady (a friend of mine) once said to me "if it's to hard for you to handle your life at the moment try to break down the day into hours, in minutes, and even seconds. Live one second or minute at the time. Focus on the present moment. Allow yourself to take a break from the past and your future for a while until you feel stronger and more stabile." I would like to pass on these words to you. 

Love and light/ Feliss 

The reason I do goals - is because Chapter 2, Weight Loss Solutions, says I have to.  I want to change my life - I do goals.  It's been 1 tough battle for me.  I'm just too intense and process orientated to NOT OVERWHELM MYSELF. 

I finally decided that there had to be a better and easier way for me to tackle my life style -- so I got all sorts of magazines coming to me.  About 10 at the last count -- it's my way of breaking my book buying habit (remember, I'm focusing on financial management goals.  Any way, I read thru them or scan them for any areas that I enjoy and then tear them up and file them away.  Some, like the finances 1, I choose 1 article (has to have steps though) and use that as my monthly goal. 

Check out your local library and see what type of magazines you have.  Here in the U.S.  I love Woman's Day, Family Circle, O magazine, Good Housekeeping.  To aid me in my healthier life style, I get Fitness & Shape.  

Like this one, I found an article on credit cards - I need to learn more about the different types of credit cards and what to be on the look out for.  This article will provide me an excellent knowledge in 2.5 pages.  I can read it and compare my credit cards to it.   

and since I've been working on doing goal work, I've learned to use my Self Matter techniques and to move pass so much crap that I have been hanging onto.  Goals work - you just have to sit back and figure out how to incorporate them in your life.    

Ask you therapist or school counselor to help you learn them.  And please don't get INTENSED with it.  It doesn't have to be hard ...  I made it hard on myself and it really took me a while to realize that once I committed to doing them and reviewed them every week, I was able to see accomplishments in my life.   

And I don't keep re-reading the same article over and over again unless it's something that I'm having problems with (like fear or pattern issues) - every month a new article arrives, I read it - see where I stand and what I have to learn or practice for 1 month. 

I've been clipping stuff out of magazines for the last few months.  In fact, I even went thru all of my O mags, too!   I've been writing little notes to myself on what I want to focus on and of course, my high 3 are still with me - except at different levels. 

I found an article in Family Circle, Nov 05 issue, that gives 15 steps on developing CREATIVITY in children.  I figure that if it can do it for kids, then it's a simple enough plan for me to follow.  Then I have my nutrition classes I can take so I can understand all the stuff. It's really hard for me to learn and I can do it in a class environment -- I'd like that. 

I got stuff that I want to explore there too - and luckily, I don't have to go thru it every week or every day.  Once a month is just fine -- cause when I've accomplished 1 goal/task, I can turn to the binder and select something else to replace it or choose the next step.  Isn't that the coolest!! 

I'm still working on putting the CLOSURE to some of my goals.  It's like the biggest present I've ever given me - Last year, I was in so much pain because I just couldn't see it ever ending -- now, I'm just happy that I got there!  It's really been a pleasure for me. 

Well, I have my TO DO list posted on my "cleaning schedule" and a load of clothes to do. Today, I'm going to finish up the clothes sorting - can't believe it's nearly taken me 2 years to work thru the issues.  Peeling away 1 layer at a time until I finally feel comfortable understanding that my lack of knowledge or belief in myself to choose my wardrobe came from my childhood.  It's embarrassing to have to acknowledge that - however, it's my truth.  My mother took me clothes shopping or allow me to choose what I wanted to wear.  She would buy my clothes only when they were on sale.  In fact, she would buy all 3 of us girls the same thing, just in different sizes.  The only good thing was I was the oldest so my 2 sisters had to wear my hand me downs.  I didn't realize how this affected me because it was just the way things were.  I would get upset at the time; however, even I knew that times were hard with dad getting laid off every couple of years or they would go on strike or something would need to be fixed in the house.   

I know that as long as I do not live with my mom, I can live by her.   She's who she is - she's not going to change anytime soon and the biggest thing I had to do was learn to allow her to be who she is.  She's a product of her environment and it was really screwed up for her as a child.  Her brothers & sister all were damaged by it.   

For me, I want to locate land where we can put up trailers so that my paraplegic brother & my mom can all live within walking/rolling distance.  I even want to have a community building where we all can come together and watch TV and for daily meals.   It sure would make my life easier. 

When I retired, I chose to connect to my parents more and my brother.   And who knows, my other sister and brother may join the trailer park.  I figure, I'll need a couple of acres. 

Brenda, ask yourself why you feel the way you do.  It sounds like you haven't done closure on some stuff.    

Did miss you, I was thinking of putting a post out asking where you had gone! 

Tiggeroz, I'm still working on mine.  I'm right now working on bringing closure to my long time goals after using Self Matters to rewrite my nasty ol' tapes & scripts & beliefs.   I feel so much calmer and more at ease.    

My goal is also to live a healthy life style and let go of this fat unhealthy life style I've been living -- so when I started up my food log back in Nov. 2003, I added a lined page to it and wrote down everything I was feeling/experiencing.  I discovered that when I used my food journal while doing Self Matters, I was able to go back and figure out when I lost it.  (you know binged, overeat).