Topic : Defining Your Authentic Self

What a wonderful thing to do for your father. I'm happy that he enjoyed the day. (And I hope you took many pictures so that he can relive it over and over!)

I took pictures of EVERYONE who attended the party. I got pictures of my Dad with his older siblings! TONS of pictures of the cake. I even got a picture of my Dad's older sister, talking to her 'baby' brother, holding his face in her hands-she is 87 years old. I've gotten so much feedback from everyone! Everyone spoke of what fun the party was and having the Birthday 'Boy', really surprised! We had so many people who love that man SO much!!!

EVERYONE loved the cake with the 'Red Roof Inn' on top! 

I'm going to upload some of those pictures to the New Board, so you can check them out!

Brenda 

I am a contradiction. No matter what it is, every detail about me goes against another detail. Because of this, I'm unable to ever make heads or tails of anything, and yet at the same time it's easy for me to make sense of any situation I'm faced with. I'm cold, calculating, and distant, but at the same time I also know myself to be light hearted and strong in my own emotions. Every waking moment is filled with constant turmoil because of this confusion, both emotional and physical, that always haunts me. Even my very existence is a contradiction. I am someone who should've never been born, and yet I'm very much alive healthy. I am also someone who wishes to be dead, but despite that fact that I crave that state with every fiber of my being, I am unable to bring myself to that condition. Not because I am afraid of death, but because I am unable to consciously cause myself harm for fear of that pain. I have always been able to see the possible outcomes of every situation and most of the time, I am able to steer the situation in the direction that most appeals to me. However, whenever I look towards my own future the only possibility I am sure of, or can even see is that I will one day be responsible for my own death. It's so strange, I have always been someone likely to succeed, to have the challenges of life come easily to me. Despite that, I am the one unable to find my own accomplishments on the path I'm stuck following. I have always been anti-social, an introvert at heart, yet I find myself surrounded by many people I somehow made to be my friends. Strangest of all, I have thought this way since before I reached an age consisting of two digits. I used to tell myself I was crazy, under the knowledge that the truly insane are always unaware of their status, and I would acknowledge I was crazy as a way of protecting myself from that fate. Now, when I wonder if all of these contradictory thoughts occur because I am crazy, for a brief second I become fearful and tell myself it's not possible. When I catch myself thinking that, I force myself to be logical again and acknowledge that I must be crazy so that I won't be. Please, if nothing else, can someone confirm these thoughts for me. I feel as though my own mind is just a realm of chaos in which my inner self is hopelessly and helplessly searching for some sort of solid state.

Hello

    I am pretty new to this. I am 25 years old, no job,  no car,  no happiness. I am embarrassed to even mention this but I want to get control of my life and get situated sooner than later.   I hate depending on others to basically help me live my life.  I think I am after things in life that are not meant to be and still try to go after them.  My authentic self is a nobody.  I don't know how to be an adult. That old saying good kids make bad adults, well I think I'm living proof. Tired of feeling sorry for myself looking for a change in pace.

Sounds like you are depressed in addition to being distressed. Is there a recent event, or series of events, that caused this state or do you usually feel this way?

Have you been to a doctor recently?

I can tell you that we all have contradictory feelings and emotions, confusion, but that if they become pervasive and seem to be never ending, it's best to ask for help.

It is a sign of inner strength and self-love that you came here and posted.

I can also tell you that in regards to your friends, you didn't somehow make them be friends with you. People gravitate towards those that they want to be around, and evidently you have some qualities that others like. Are you perhaps hard on yourself? This too is pretty common, we are all of us our own worst critics.

Please come back and elaborate on what is going on with you in your life.

This sentence of yours says it all: "...but I want to get control of my life...."

None of us "gets" control, we TAKE it! Life is a contact sport, and if your sitting in the stands watching it will pass you by.

I think the thing you have to understand is WHY you are "depending on others to basically help me live my life."  In a nutshell, because it's easy. There's no risk to you.

Dr Phil says that people often do things for other than the apparent reasons. In your case, you're not happy, you're even embarrassed that you are 25 and so behind the curve of many young people your age. So why would you stay in this state of suspended animation?

Because you're getting a pay-off, and that pay-off is that it's easier and less frightening to stay the way you are than to get out there and possibly fail.

By what you said, you obviously have a support system in place, people that allow you to skate, correct? Maybe they nag you, or try to lay guilt trips on you, but in the end, they allow you to keep up the same sort of behavior. This is called "enabling." They have their own reasons, other than the apparent, for doing this. Don't worry about them, just realize that they care about you, but are misguided, OK?

Since they are unable to teach you how to be an adult, you will teach yourself. I've never heard that old saying "Good kids make bad adults," and now that I have, I think I can ascertain the meaning. I think it means that if you were a "good" kid, never acted out or did anything against the wishes of your parents, you may be ill-equipped to deal with the world as an adult, as you've never learned to trust your own judgment. In return for being a "good" kid, your parents never let you fail at anything?

Look I'm saying alot of things that may or may not pertain to you. Come back and let me know if any of this makes sense to you? I will leave you with one of my favorite quotes:

"The only time you can coast in life is when you're going downhill."  -A. Roger Merrill

We all have a purpose here, and I beleive that part of that purpose is learning everything we can about what it is to be human on the earth.

Right now you are exploring the uncomfortable zone of feeling stupid, pathetic, pitiful, failure. I know this sounds trite, but this is because you choose to do so. The way out of this is to take it in baby steps. The more little successes you wrack up, the better you will feel and the bigger steps you will take.

Consider what you have done in the way of looking for a job. Did you do everything in your power to land a job? Also, did you let the fact that you didn't get one right away cause you to get discouraged? You can't take it as a personal insult, the jobs market is pretty tight right now and you must put forth maximum effort and your very best attitude. It's difficult but not impossible.

If you go to Dr Phil's blog, there's a post on what Dr Phil would tell graduates if he were to give the speech. You might find it helpful.

Things don't happen overnight, and the first step you must take before you can enjoy your own car is the means to afford one, so landing a job is the first thing you must concentrate on. If there's nothing close enough to walk to or ride a bike to, can you get rides or is there public transportation available? These things must be considered. Networking is an excellent way to get on somewhere. Ask your friends if there are any openings where they work and if they will put in a good word for you. If you get hired you would then have a good shot at getting a ride, paying for gas money of course.

Things fall into place only when we begin to do the things that will contribute to the success of whatever we want to do. Nothing is ever handed to us unless we are children. Once we are adults, we have to take action on our own. Nobody can do it for you.

I think you sense that you will feel better emotionally when you take control too.

Come back and let me know what you're doing, OK?

I am not worried for me but for my sister.  She has three girls all in highschool.  They are sophmore junior and senior.  She is a divorced and very worried about when they are going to go to college.  she is a wonderful mother and has participated in every aspect of their education.  When the get out of highschool she will have no finaicial help from their father.  She has struggled most of her life after the divorce.If she could get some help to eleviate her worries or at least get something for herself just for a little breather from her life,  i know you probably get many letters like this but I pray this will somehow be read by Dr. phil.  I pray all the time for her to get something a little special.Thank you very much.      

                                                                                   Kathy Gerber