Topic : Defining Your Authentic Self

I don't understand how anyone can be above you unless you are a slave and have an owner.   

  

It's not so much about them seeing you as an equal - it's more like you being who you are and not worrying about what they think. 

This is a good one. Thank you for posting it.  Thank you for being you!!! 

It so true. I'm going to do my best to navigate this self created mess! 

  

Brenda 

The house is almost complete and I haven't REALLY done any serious packing. Behaviorally, I believe that my Authentic Self is saying, 'I AIN'T GOIN'!!!' I, in fact, believe that my true 'Authentic Self' is having a FIT over this decision that I made some time ago! There's like this part of ME that is ENRAGED with me over this decision!!!!  

I'm not even sure that alot of this is even symbolic. There's just a part of me that feels that I owe this to my only functional and present parent. My father was present for so many things. He even took us to a Mother/Daughter Banquet once because my mother made it CLEAR three full weeks before the event that she was going to be sick that night! It wasn't like we WANTED her to go. It was a very small community and everyone knew my fatther. He was the local accountant but the teachers kept saying, "We just don't know your mother. We want to meet her!" They REALLY didn't understand that they really didn't want to meet MY mother! 

Then, there that other part of me that's just SCREAMING, "ARE YOU JUST NUTS OR WHAT?!?!"  NOT WHISPERING. (That's the same part of me that's refusing to pack!) 

I really wish I had started the 'Self Matters' Book before I made the promise to my Dad. 

Thanks for your kind consideration and support. 

I'll get through this.... 

I really should be packing.....OR I could just continue to read the message board. 

Ya know, this would really be amusing if it were fiction and not my life situation!!! 

  

Brenda 

  

  

I found this dream particularly interesting in considering your history with your father, your experience with him in your life and your feelings about his death!  

Have you had an opportunity to think about what significance this dream may have for you?  

According to your earlier posts you viewed his death as a positive experience. However, in the dream you're actually trying to save him and didn't want him to die. 

What do you suppose this dream symbolizes for you and your relationship with him, now??? 

  

I asked this to say that it has been my experience, with a few exceptions, that our lives with someone as important to us as a parent , isn't either ALL good or ALL bad. Do you suppose that you need to examine your real feelings about him a little closer??? 

  

Just something to think about, 

Brenda 

I was asked once before (probally grub or Longstory) what I was searching for.  I figure now that the search is to realise that what one thought was there really wasn't.  So therefore, unless you can make it yourself, can see how misled you were to be there in the first place.  ie. stability.

I do very much appreciate and care what happens and do want to know, not easy, especially as time is short on-line, but it is a positive emotion, to appreciate, you've been very good to me and everyone here and affirm the continuity of a truth.   

  

I know that much, so far, and that we each must appreciate and should do it regularly, unlike other emotions like envy.   

  

I do know the possibilities that are for everyone to show their positive-side and is excellent to learn from someone who I assume does this always!! 

  

  

  

  

  

  

This is another: http://www.bennyleung.com.hk/Attitude%20Towards%20Life.doc 

- don't worry if this doesn't work, this is the site-content here: 

'Attitude Towards Life 

 

"Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. You name them - work, family, health, friends and spirit and you're keeping all of these in the air. You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four balls - family, health, friends and spirit - are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered. They will never be the same.  

You must understand that and strive for balance in your life." How? Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we are different and each of us is special. Don't set your goals by what other people deem important. Only you know what is best for you. Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as they would be your life. For without them, life is meaningless.  

Don't let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live all the days of your life. Don't give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying. Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect. It is this fragile thread that binds us to each together.  

Don't be afraid to encounter risks. It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave. Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find time. The quickest way to receive love is to give; the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly; and the best way to keep love is to give it wings. Don't run through life so fast that you forget not only where you've been, but also where you are going.  

Don't forget, a person's greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated. Don't be afraid to learn. Knowledge is weightless, a treasure you can always carry easily. Don't use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved. Life is not a race, but a journey to be savoured each step of the way.' 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

'Yesterday is History, 

Tomorrow is a Mystery and 

Today is a gift: that's why we call it The Present.' 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

  

Have an un-worrying week! 

  

Taemanai 

Hi all...I'm new to this forum so I want to give a little background before I proceed. 47yo woman, 4 kids, two still at home. Had a baby at 42. Married over 20 years to husband who died of accidental drug overdose. He started using 12 years into the marriage, I spent 8 years mistakenly thinking I could help him get clean. My own mom died when I was 12, my dad sank to the bottom of a beer bottle and didn't emerge for years. I was living on my own at 15..went to school full time, two part time jobs to pay for my own place (you could do that back then). Married the first time at 17, partly b/c I was tired of taking care of myself. Divorced 3 years later. Married kids dad 3 years after that...had four kids with him. My 16yo son and 5yo son still at home. Two older daughters (22 and 20) live outside of the home. After taking 3 years to get my head back on straight, I finally reclaimed my life. Started going out again. Dating after over 20 years. Now living with my SO...who happens to be the love of my life and ten years younger than myself. I made my mind up to do things differently...I went for the "good guy"..the one who didn't need fixing, the one who had all of his faculties about him. He's truly a fantastic individual...and respects and loves me for who and what I am. To say that I'm fortunate is an understatement. My children really like and care about this man, and to my littlest one he's the only dad he's ever known. I really have a life that most would envy, and the kind I always wanted. At one point in my marriage, I weighed 256lbs. When I met my SO, I weighed 135 and most thought I looked anorexic. Ok. Whatever. I've gained weight however. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I hated being overweight. Something is wrong apparently, and I don't know what it is. I don't work, b/c of a back disability. I have sooo many limitations. I don't have friends, outside of the cyber variety. I think that is what is missing from my life....just plain old fashioned friendship. Someone to gab with over a cup of coffee. Talk on the phone with. I'd love to have a walking partner, or a workout partner. The weight gain is alarming me. I know it's b/c something is missing from my life, and I think that's what it is. I life in a rural area, and have reached out to people just to have them say "oh, yes..I'd love to get together" and then they never do. People are busy with their own lives, I understand that. They just don't have the time. Most people around here have family and friends that they went to school with to occupy their time. I don't have that. I'm not a "hobby" person. I guess I need to read "self matters" and find out what the hell is wrong with me and try to correct it. Everything seems to be perfect,and I truly am happy with the man I share my life with. That isn't the problem. I'm bored. You can only clean so much house. I've tried and tried to think of something that I can do with myself, that doesn't involve the computer. There is nothing. Too many physical limitations. I just need some friends....women friends. Who else to understand the problems particular to women or the good things for that matter, besides other women? I've talked about this with my SO, and he's brought up suggestion after suggestion...none any good for my particular circumstance. But he's a man...wants to "fix" things. Especially if it involves me. I just don't know what to do anymore. I've lost my motivation. I've lost my drive. And I'm getting fatter, and fatter. I've gained 30 lbs. so far. It's got to go, but I don't know how to get back that motivation that I had before about the lifestyle changes. I never considered it dieting...it was a lifestyle change that I didn't stick to. Food is my comfort..my company. I eat when I'm stressed...I eat when I'm bored. Which is often. Bored, that is. Is there really any way out of this? Am I just doomed to eat my way back to over 250? Where do I go from here? What do I do? Any feedback is greatly appreciated. Suggestions welcome. Anything.....

I am also new at this board, and read your message. Since 2 years I am a single mom of an 11 year old son. I was married to his father for 6 years (I know, all this doesn't add up the maths :-))  

One thing I learned since deciding to divorce, is that you don't necessarily have to do things with others. Sometimes you have to start doing what you want by yourself. It is not a bad matter at all, to be with yourself and work on your own life by yourself. I remember Dr. Phil saying on one of his shows, that a person should love him/herself enough to be able to be alone. 

He is right. As soon as you love yourself, you will be able to give to others as well. You will carry yourself differently through life and other people will want to be near you. 

Why do you ask people to go walk with you? Start walking. One day, trust me, you will see that you will find a nice walking partner. If it is really hard to drag yourself outside for a walk, buy a dog! You will have a walking partner, who will always be happy to walk with you around the block a few times, and ......... in the park you will find other dog owners. It gives a very good reason to start conversation and before you know it, you will find yourself having friendly people to bind with and walk with. Play together with the dogs, etc. 

Let me know how you are doing and what you think about this! 

We'll start one step at a time :-) 

  

All the best, 

  

Helen