Topic : Defining Your Authentic Self

SInce my father's death over 10 years ago, my family has ceased celebrating thanksgiving dinner and for x-mas we go to a restraurant.  This year, my girlfriend and I are going to do it at my home for the both of us & my brother.   The rest of the family is going to my nephews home.  My brother can't go cause there's no ramp for his wheelchair.  

  

I also want to do x-mas cookies this year - I want to see if I would like doing it.  My mom really never baked - well she did cakes & cupcakes from a box. But that's about it - this year, I'm doing different.  Isn't that cool!! 

  

M 

 Scroll up to the top of the site, where there are various headings. Click on "Advice" and then go to "self matters" from there. You will find several topics pertaining to getting to the nitty gritty, the real you. You can read through them and think about your life as you do. If you think the good doctor has a pretty good formula for helping you out, buy his book. It's not an easy or entertaining read, but that's not the purpose. Personally, it saved my life.

hello and hope every one is good....

Hey Marcia, 

  

My Mom used to bake cookies at the holidays. That was something I had almost forgotten about. Thanks for the great memory and good luck on your "new" venture.  

  

It is very cool.... 

  

Om Mani Padme Hum...LS 

Well, my little dinner for 3 has gone up to 10 at last count.  We were counting on my nephew having thanksgiving - now, it's me and believe me - I have no idea how it's going to turn out.  It's a goal though, I want to do a couple of family events like the 4th of July, Thanksgiving, Easter, X-mas ....   

  

ANother goal is to purchase property and put mobile homes on it -- then ME, my mom, brother, & sister/friend can move closer together and then share food expenses and stuff.  My mom is 73, my brother is paralyzed from the chest down, and my sister/friend - well her health is failing daily.  This way, we can take care of ourselves better.   I figure that it's goal that just might be able to materialized if I allow myself to keep my heart open to it. 

  

We are going to make cookies too.  It's going to be my first time - my mom wasn't a cook or baker -hell, she's one of the worse cooks you've ever met.  But my sister/friend is fabulous.  She's even wants to make pierogies -- that should be interesting don' t you think. 

  

I'm glad I gave you such a nice memory to remember.   Nice memories fill the heart with peace and joy don't they? 

  

M 

That sounds like a really wonderful idea. I think you really should go for it!

Today, is family dinner day.  My sister is home with a major back problem, which I think is being bought on by fear and terror - she's going to have a hysteromy on Monday -- they found tumors.  She's already had her breast removed and reconstructed.  So I'm glad that I'll have food to bring to her home today.  We are cooking up pork chops & chicken (my brother couldn't make it Tuesday so we are going to make 2 different meals). 

  

My mom got me so much condensed milk and evaporated milk that I just may have to take some of it to the Food Bank and drop off.  I got so many pie crusts too!!!  worse!  I have no idea of how we need to make anything.   Today, we are going to get organized cause I just can't deal with this mess!   

  

And talking about messes.....  my sister/friend is a sloppy messy cook - my home is going to get floured so badly when we go to make cookies. Now she wants to make an apple pie. That's 3 pies for thanksgiving!!!    

  

and thanks for the vote of confidence - I'll keep everyone posted to the COOKOUT going on at my home. It will be different experience for me.  I have no idea of what's what. 

Well, I was so surprised yesterday when I didn't stick with my plan I wrote out on Tuesday.  It was my shopping day and I really maintained my schedule and behaviors.  So now, I once again came to this PLANNING / SCHEDULE pattern.  It's what happened last month and I did something about it; however, I didn't follow through cause something else came up.  That something else took me to the other stuff in my life which finally bought me to the 14th (Monday) once again.   I'm on a 30 day cycle/pattern/loop.  Boy does that ever sound strange huh?  However, I was able to write down on 3x5 notepaper what I needed to do and put it away for this moment.  Hey, patterns/loops are not too bad when you can name it and work with them and not against them. 

  

Anyway, I sat down last night and picked up my weekly calendar and finally realized I do need to see what I'm telling myself is my schedule and then compare it to what really happens and what I need to do.  I have to make decisions and I have to do different if I'm going to break out of this pattern/loop I'm in so that I can just move on.  This morning, I copied my spreadsheet calendar and updated it (in color) to show my projected schedule for each week.  My goal now is to sit down and really look at it.  I'm going to review my day to see how well I've done. 

  

I chose 3 goals to work on:  Cleaning, Exercise, Cooking.  I figured I would need at least a minimumof 4 hours a day -- That was Tuesday. Wednesday, I focused on finances & shopping & entered downtime when I got home from shopping.   Just like last month! 

  

I also began to write down what I'm saying to myself.  I know I'm experiencing CONFLICTING THOUGHTS which leads to becoming overwhelmed and then paralyzed.  This isn't easy work ... yet, with every step I take, I feel so relaxed and calm.  I keep asking myself, WHY NOT JUST GIVE UP and I hear myself respond:  BUT LOOK WHERE I AM!!  LOOK WHERE I'M GOING TO BE IN A MONTH, IN 6 MONTHS!!  It's what keeps me going/moving forward.   

  

Yesterday, I CONNECTED-THE-DOTS to my Financial Management goal and saw the conflict I was experiencing.  I really feel that I'm needing to spend more time connecting-the-dots so that I can stop the mindless spending and start saving $ for the stuff I need, like new pots-n-pans and vacuum cleaner.  That's a part of my finances.  So is:  maintenance & repairs of my home, car, appliances, etc.  And my goal to open a fitness studio in 5 years.  It's all part of the same FINANCIAL SUCCESS GOAL except I've never connected-the-dots. 

  

I'm just so thankful, I'm finally at a place where I can now sit back and take care of me better.  I'm tracking my activities for the month.  I'm writing it down daily so that I can analyze it next month on the 15th - I know that I'm going to be at the same place, at a different level cause I've managed to get some stuff accomplished,  however, I will once again hit the wall and have to pick myself up. 

  

At least, it's a 30-day cycle and not 5-6 months ....   or a year like when I first started doing goals.  It's taking me quite a bit of time and energy because I've been LOST for so long.  I figure I never really grew up until I connected-the-dots that I was a 51 year old woman making decisions as an 8 year old.  My 8 year old has finally grown up and has become a teenager.  That's okay with me cause I'm growing up fast now that I have the right tools. 

  

One thing that helps me keep sane is that I realized that I am making headway and that it's my CATCH UP thinking that is pushing me.  That's why I'm so anal in sticking to working out the pattern/loop cause as I release the PUSH caused by CATCHING UP thoughts, I'm moving 1 step closer to one day eliminating the CATCHING UP.  I'll be able to focus on other stuff cause my very foundation will be in place:  cleaning, cooking, exercise, healthy eating, & sound financial management.  I feel like I'm working on building the foundation of a home.  Once I get my basement in, I can work on my frame (orienteering, purpose).   

 Marcia, whatever happens, TAKE PICTURES! I've found that the most memorable holidays are the ones where something happens. It's different that way. The ones where the food comes out perfectly and everybody arrives on time all blur together.

For instance, the Thanksgiving that stands out in my mind from my childhood is the one where my mom had about 20 people invited. We had a HUGE turkey and our regular roasting pan wasn't big enough so she picked up one of those one- use only disposable kind. You guessed it, it bent when she tried to get it out of the oven and there was turkey all over the floor! It was so tender it just fell apart and it was everywhere! I'm sure Mom felt like crying, but she laughed about it, making it OK for everybody else to laugh too.

My very first Thanksgiving dinner, that I cooked and hosted, was for my boyfried at the time and his classmates from his aeronautics school. I was 19, and these guys were all Viet Nam vets, men in other words. I was so nervous I forgot to take the neck and gibblets out before stuffing it.  And the mashed potatoes were runny, and the pies were burned. Not one of them said anything about it, they all ate and said it was very good. I was completely mortified, but decided to take a lesson from my mother and laughed about it. It was a good meal with good people.

So relax, it's only life with those you love. Make it memorable.

Thanks for including this and pointing it out, I didn't read back, the photos are just magnificant. 

 

I've never seen anything like it! 

 

 

I can feel awed and inspired by the creative strength and meaning! 

I probably had ancestors in Scotland before the date of 1912. 

  

Also, the phrase, seems very potent to relationships and things that last, and for all things that are still intangible, undiscovered yet. 

  

  

Thanks Linda, 

  

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(PS. by the way, my real name is similar to yours in meaning, as to your own real name but longer, but you like the name 'Taemanai' don't you?) 

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See ya, 

  

Taemanai