Topic : Defining Your Authentic Self

From the 'Believing in myself' book. 

'Let not thy Will roar, when thy Power can but whisper'' - Thomas Fuller 

You may like things I write, I like to help, but in terms of getting real, I feel that others do this much better.  I often only indicate things that I'm feeling, like the other day I just discovered what I should have been doing when I was at school to make things easier.  I should have not been trying to compete, I should have been finding out what others were really like by what they did with their time and see if I could choose to these things also. 

I also, know I used Taemanai as a name and social structure, to play it safe.  Sometimes I'd rather be open properly, like talk about things that I know others do like sex etc.  I was listening to some very frank people and they made the very good point that 'if you let others bully you, they will be doing it for the rest of your life'.  Please write frankly, then I know I'm not being ie. bullied into anything like being smaller.  Do be open, it is better for my feelings than other things, especially cultural niceties. 

Taemanai 

 I would like to take this opportunity to thank you, all my friends, for each and every wonderful and encouraging letter and message you have given me throughout the year . I really do appreciate them , You have all brought much happiness to me this past year  .  Long story - You ask -What makes it special for you? It is people like all of you . I also look forward to Dr. Phil's holiday specials each year .   Lynn  

Our turkey weighs in at 22 lbs. We have now gone from 10 people to 4-5; however, it may just go back up again. No one is sure now is my nephew's wife is going to be cooking or not.   That is typical for my family.  Things change so fast that keeping up gives ya headaches. 

Oh, I plan on taking photos. I'm going to see if my sister will let me use her digital camera for the day -- my printer accepts a wide rage of digital camera ports so I can download them and make a story out of the day.   

I have the morning and afternoon to myself. It really feels nice.  I'm just now realizing how desperate I am to have time like this to myself.  Yesterday, my girlfriend and brother were just so noisy and loud, I stayed in the living room while they messed around in the kitchen making dinner.  I had to take my sister to the hospital and pick her up - luckily, I was able to convince her that I REALLY DID WANT TO DO THIS FOR HER.  She feels that she's imposing on me - and that's not true!   

Any way, I'm wearing my sign necklace - I'm really going to do it this time - I'm going to just focus 24/7 on what I'm doing cause I keep returning back to the same WHINING self on the 14th/15th of every month.  Well, at least that's what's been going on since last April/May.   

I'm going to see if what I'm saying to myself is true or a lie. I figure I need only 1 month to focus on this. That's as long I need to give it. I want to LISTEN to what I'm saying to myself and why.  So far, I've managed to stay focus and it is causing me all sorts of stress. 

It's conflicting self-talk.  I want to give up journaling and JUST DO IT; however, with ADD, I need to do stuff differently so I can remember. I have this hunch that my "FOCUS" needs are conflicting with my JUST DO IT needs.  And the 1 thing I do know is that if I don't figure out how to FOCUS, I'll never just DO IT automatically.  And if it's true than I'm going to be able to prove it.   I'm really wondering if what's going on isn't me JUST PUSHING cause I've been PUSHING for so long it's a habit and that I'm at a safe place where I won't go back to that nasty crazy demeaning life style I once lived 24/7. 

In college, I used to have to focus on the teacher's clothing so that I remained in the room mentally.  I really made teachers nervous!  One teacher used to give me looks cause I was always focused either on her scarf or pendent or pin.   I had 1 male teacher that always wore a cowboy buckle - bad thing was, he loved writing on the the blackboard.  I failed the class the 1st time and had to take it again - which for me is typical.   

Well, today is a me day and I've been doing rather well.  I really do love my ME DAYS.  I can relax and just do whatever it is I want to do and not worry about anyone but me. I don't get many of them - in fact, I'm lucky if I will have the entire day to myself.  at least I had the morning. 

(I think I have really appreciated anything that could be put under this category by anyone about anything, sayoonara) 

Have a sensational week! 

I'm good though, I was wondering what the picture is of.  It looks like something out of this world. 

Always curious 

Taemanai 

I wonder how many feel whether safety and peace is connected with their astrological position?  Imagine living any where in the whole galaxy, that we would have very positive energy because it would be just right, not too hot, not too cold and the skies just the way we like them. 

I think that lots of shooting stars would be nice, every single day.  I've heard that shooting stars are associated with changes in the atmosphere that is major event, that may be one of the most popular scenes on computer screens, shooting stars.  What do others think, what type of screen savers? 

Taemanai 

I think Teri is, purposeful. 

It seems, I feel, that I only notice details when I talk about myself. 

Beyond tomorrow, who knows what will happen, what new eyes I will see the world through. (though tomorrow never comes)  

Taemanai