Topic : Defining Your Authentic Self

I'm nearly finished washing my clothes and will begin to finally pack my suitcase for the trip I'm taking with my mom to see her brother & sister.  I've spent years trying to work thru the pain my mom causes me when she says things to me to hurt me.  Dr. Phil says over and over again that we teach people how to treat us and I also have to acknowledge that my own childish behaviors have made my relationship with my mom filled with strife at different moments in my life. 

  

I have written down my plan on a 3x5 card and put it in my suitcase already.  I've spent the last few weeks acknowledging what I want our relationship to be like and that I'm going have to be strong to get us both to move forward so we can reach it. I know that I can be an adult now and react accordingly.  Self Matters has given me the necessary tools to finally listen to my faulty thinking and realize that I'm the big reason we aren't friends.   

  

I know that my behavior isn't that of an adult and I'm ready to take it to the next level.  So tomorrow, I begin to bring closure to the child and begin to interact with the most important person in my life right now.  My mom - she's 73 years old. I'm already interacting with her differently, but when I'm with her 24/7, I can finally bring closure to quite a bit of stuff that irks me because I'm still a child and not an adult. 

  

Everyone take care and when I return, I'll tell ya how it went.  I'm really happy this is finally happening - I'm going to grow up now.  The sad thing is I'm 52 years old and I'm just now getting there. 

  

Marcia 

How does one find their Authentic self, when one has to be so absorbed in their child's life, (single parent) with an 8 yr. old boy who is ADHD, and very little support around, I am feeling absoutley exhausted, withdrawn, fedup.   I need a hand up not a hand out.

 Good Luck to you and to your Mother. I know how important this is to you.

Have you tried finding a support group in your area? It can help so much to interact with others in the same boat, and to make friends that can relieve each other periodically. I would ask your doctor first, he or she may know of groups or organizations you can look up.

I appreciate so much the wonderful feedback I got from everyone. Thoughts of good thoughts and insights. I am learning to scuba dive as a means of getting out there to meet other people. I have also taken up kayaking . I am so outdoorsey, so I try to get involved in those types of activities. It's helped, I am making friends. I am also working very hard at learning to say no to clients and make the time for myself. It's hard though, when you feel so good about yourself professionally, yet have to deal with the personal emptiness, it's always easier to take the path of less resistance. I want to thank everyone for their messages and words of encouragement and insight.  I feel like I have a place to come and just talk. 

  

Spirit Bless 

  

Monica 

Thank You ritehere for your response, just glad someone answered.

So good to hear that you are branching out. Sometimes we just get stuck, and need to try new things. I always ask myself when a new opportunity arrises, "Will I ever regret it if I don't try this?" If I think I will, I take the plunge. You are so fortunate that your work is fulfilling though, I know so many that live for their time off because work is something they do just to pay for their life away from work. Keep us posted on the activities and good luck!

When my kids were small, I sometimes felt trapped. I loved them to death, but it can be overwhelming. My middle child was mistakenly diagnosed as ADD, no hyperactivity though. It was a mistake though, the teacher he had just didn't know how to relate to him. However, my sister's son was true ADHD, so I know what you're talking about. I urge you to get with some other parents facing the same challenges, support can make a huge difference. You are not alone, even though that's the way it feels sometimes.

Please don't let your grandchildren forget you.  My kids grew up without grandparents, and so always "adopted" grandparents of friends...Thank God they could and those grandparents loved it and went along with it.  My daughter is going through a divorce and she wanted to move back to CA to be near me, since my health is getting so bad.  However, due to "joint custody", the judge won't let her leave the state.  I am sad for her, but glad that the children will still be visiting his parents, as they have been so important in the lives of the grandkids already.  Fortunately, my daughter agrees with this, and takes the kids to grandparents when father is "too busy" or "going out with friends" and can't be bothered with his visitation.  So...this grannie is relocating to Texas.  I adore his folks and am very pleased that we can all be grandparents together, in spite of the pain that our kids caused each other.  Not being able to be with my own grandparents while growing up (due to my wicked stepfather) and then being too far away (geographically) from my kids' grandparents for easy or frequent visits, both my kids understand as well as I do, just how important grandparents are in the lives of children.  Try to visit as often as possible, or maybe help to pay for tickets so the kids can fly to your state.  Or talk to a judge.  Sometimes, visitation with grandparents is a court order.  You might look into that if ex-daughter-in-law is being stubborn about it.  Fingers crossed.