Hi all! 
 
I decided that since it's been a few months since I wrote here the last time, I might give you an update. I decided somewhere to STOP hiding online and to STOP runing away from LIFE - and in doing this, I realised that Self Matters was not the tool for me. Self Matters is about your past, and many "bad" things that happened. I realised I have spent YEARS in therapy talking about these things, and that I just wasn't MOVING on... So basically I did a one-eighty turn and decided to focus on here and now and that kind of stuff... 
 
In many ways it has worked out for me very well, in others it hasn't. I am currently not on talking basis with my mother, nor do I live with her. We got into this huge row in mind/end of November about how my mother have/have tried to manipulate me, controll me and threathen me and my bf. We haven't spoken since mid-December. I am currently living with (and off) my bf and others that I know, on the other side of the country. It is an annoying situation to be in, because I am 6 months away from becoming of age, and NOW, all of a SUDDEN everybody (here meaning my mother and social services, etc) decides to tell me that I'm "a child" and need "to be taken care of"... Let me just vent a bit, and please excuse the language. HOW THE F**K CAN THEY SUDDENLY BUTT INTO MY LIFE, TELLING ME ALL THESE THINGS, WHEN FOR FREAKING 4 OR 5 YEARS, NO ONE HAS SAID A S**T?!?!?!?! Explain it to me! How is it that after I moved away from home (August), everyone decides that I am not cabable of taking care of myself, when before that I have handled SCHOOL, MEDICAL CARE, PSYCHIATRIC CARE and INVESTIGATIONS by myself - and at the same time STARTING UP and RUNNING an organization, all these things that I have taken care of since I was 13, WHY IS IT THAT NOW THAT I AM FREAKING 17, 6 MONTHS FROM TURNING 18, IT'S TIME TO TELL ME THAT I'M A "CHILD" AND THAT I NEED "TO BE TAKEN CARE OF!??! ) BS, is all I have to say.  
 
And all the while I "need to be taken care of", NO ONE sees fit to support me (except the friends I move around at, and my bf). How come they cannot help me financially?? My mother has given me NOTHING between November and last week, when she suddenly decided to give me the money that she used that was in reality MINE. And that's probably because I call this one guy that is supposed to look over my finances, my "econom" if you so wish. (Dunno the term in English - sorry)  
 
All social services can offer is to ship me back to my mother's untill I have finished junior college (I got expelled for not showing up - even tough I tried to explain why I wasn't and what was going on when they called me) and/or turned 18. I will not go back up there. I will not go back up to a situation where I have literary NO emotional support, NO friends and NO "allies". I refuse to be put in a home for crazy kids, I refuse to have to spend 6 months in a "new family" or in what I believe to be hell, just to please social services.  
 
 
 
I do understand that the cursing and ranting is far far from adult and mature behaviour. Please do not mistake this for being how I am at all times - right now I am ANGRY and I am HURT and CONFUSED and DISAPPOINTED.