Topic : Defining Your Authentic Self

WE’RE GONNA DO THIS, YA’LL!!! 

Hi everybody.This is my first day on here . i'm struggling with  many things in my life that im not sure how to address. To give you an idea i dont know where i fit in any where??im trying so many positive things from reading the bible,self-help books,yoga,excercise,you name it i probably tried it.Can anyone point me in the right direction please??????????? 

It's taken me for a loop, this journey I've been on.  I'm closing doors to my past left and right.  Luckily, I've been developing plans on WHAT TO DO WHEN I HEAR CERTAIN WORDS IN MY WRITING ...    

This morning, I spent some time go over my goals ...  I sorted them out ... I enmeshed my goals with my TO DO lists and it's been really confusing for me the last 3 months.  I used post-it notes and wrote the goal and then what's on my to do list.   

I got my 90-day focus day chart made up ... On the 14th, I begin the next focus period in my life.   My aim to bring closure to 3-4 long time goals.  I'm not worried about what my purpose is or where I'm going in my life.   I just want to just DO THIS until they are automatic habits.   

I can not wait to see where I end up at.  I'm not worried or scared like when I started this 45-day focus period.  I've been reviewing my goals and that has shown me I've been making headway to living in the light 24/7.  I truly do feel good about myself now. 

Most of the posters on this board are working SELF MATTERS ...  were are all at different places on adapting the cognitive behavior tools that Dr. Phil teaches in this book. 

I'm also a self-help junkie -- we I used to be ...  I've gotten rid of over 100 books (just dropped off another batch today at the library).    

Self Matters helped me to listen to what I was saying and then challenge it.   I use goals to help me work out how my past influnces the decisions and choices I make NOW.   As I've done it, I have released the past.  It's really strange ... I used to think all the time about my past, now it's just memories ...   

I base my "SELF" on my values.  I work hard on not lying, I do not steal, I work hard on not gossiping, I'm a loyal friend, etc.   For me, living with integrity to the values I know are important to me is how I define who I AM.   

Boy does this ever work!  well for me it does...  today, I sorted out my GOALS, my OLD TO DOs, and my NEW TO DOs.   currently, I'm dealing with so much CATCH UP self-talk ...  I've been here before so it's not going to overwhelm me.   

I'm going to focus on bringing closure to my exercise goal ... my menu planning goal .... my healthy eating goal ... and there are a couple of more goals too. 

Yesterday, I paid someone to do 3 of my OLD TO DOs  ... all 3 were a year old.   They are on my hit list first.  I want them over and done with! 

Today, I spent about an hour re-working my TO DO and GOALs ... I've never gone this long doing it ... and I know now that it's time to bring some order to them.  I do not know when I combined the 2 lists; however, they are enmeshed and I'm going to separate the two. 

I created my 90-day focus calendar ...  this tool really works for me.  It makes me focus at least 20-60 minutes a day on my goals.  That's important right now.  I have so many goals ...  they are important because they are my basic foundation.  I am working to end my habit of putting stuff down and leaving it.  It's not as bad as it once was; however, it's still a problem here.  I'm ready to lose weight and will work thru the keys to Weight Loss Solutions. 

I really feel good about myself right now, tomorrow will be another matter.   That's life isn't it?  That's why my focus calendar works for me.  It keeps my focus ...   

Hi I'm new.I started reading Life Strategies a few years ago.I didn't do all the work and I didn't really change.I was scared I would fail and afraid to change ways that have defined me for so long.I have a lot of negative habits,it's sooo hard.There are times when I like who I am,but I know I could be better.I'm starting to read Self Matters(I've had it a long time also)it's so easy to stay how I am which is reasonably happy.But I know I'm cheating myself and those I love. 

I still plan on doing all the work in Life Strategies(hopefully) 

Bye! 

I think all of us have been where you are now.  I actually started to read Self Matters on 4/3/03, read 3 chapters and walked away.  However, I came up with my very 1st YEAR motto:  NO MORE GRIEVING.  Later that fall, I caught my very 1st Dr. Phil's show during a family death watch.  It was the Weight Loss Challenge.   being a fat woman, I got that book which soon lead me to committing to doing SELF MATTERS. 

Weight Loss Solutions keys 1 & 2 deal with faulty thinking which I needed so much help with so I turned to SELF MATTERS which also helped me tackle my triggers and urges.   I think I was rather lucky because I knew that the 7 keys would bring about weight loss if I committed.  And because I know that a food log really worked, I quickly learned when I would go into a binge or overeat.  ALl I had to do was just pick up my food log and see where I had left off.  And because I journal every day, I would go back to the last time I wrote. 

And it's not been an easy road ...  

Know one thing ... that as you bring closure to your past and allow your memories to become just that memories, the pain does disappear and you begin to slowly see the light at the end of the tunnel.  And what stopped you was FEAR.  It's an emotional that Dr. Phil doesn't cover very well in his books.   Check out Harriet Lerner's FEAR & OTHER UNINVITED GUESTS ... it reads like a novel and it was instrumental this summer in my breakthru!    

So if you put Self Matters down again, check out Harriet's book ...  it will help to explain what you are experiencing. 

p.s.  do expect Chapter 4 to be hard ... you will either not have enough memories OR too many OR.....     Read the book from front to cover so you can get an understanding of what the whole process is about.  Then I suggest choosing a goal -- I chose to tackle my desire to SEW and used the Self Matter's workbook & Key 2 (WLS) to help me to learn what I was saying to myself. 

I used to really get upset when these days would just slam me to a crunching halt until I realized that it was just me saying ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!! 

Last night, I rewrote my TO DO LIST again for the 4th time.   This time, I put in order ...  OLD STUFF, NEW STUFF, TO DO, GOALS, whatever ...   I even wrote up my list of TODAY's DOs ... and all of it is just stressing me out.   

And that's just fine.  I've been here at least 3-4 times last year and got overwhelmed and had to let it go to deal with a life event or person in my life.   Then I always came back to this place ... it's why I have stuff I need to have done a year ago on that list. 

It's hard for me to adapt to anything ...  luckily, though, I keep getting messages that I'm just experiencing what my type of person does.   In THE PATHFINDER ( a career workbook), Nicholas Lore describes me as ANALYTICAL REASONING.   Then he also says, that it will take an individual ~6 months to doing the work unless you are like me, then it could take a year.     

And Martha Beck's article in Jan. 06 issue of O Mag, HOW TO BE WILDLY SUCCESSFUL, writes how there are 4 different learning styles:  QUICK START, Fact Finder, IMPLEMENTOR, and FOLLOW THRU.  It came at a wonderful time for me. I was becoming dishearten in my endeavor to change.  Luckily, she has only 3 steps I had to work on that month to help me work out MY TRUTH in my learning style.  And best of all, she was writing about her daughter who is just like me.  

As a FACT FINDER, I do spend hours reading, watching, asking questions, and learning.  I experiment with something and then when I review my weekly goals, I ask myself how well did I do?  And because I've spent all this time experimenting, practicing, and everything - I have given myself able time to become comfortable with my goal and I can pick myself up and move forward. 

If any of you are like me, do a search on my user-ID and you can see where I'm coming from ...  I've been posting to this board mostly since last summer - July I think.  It's not been easy for me ... I haven't given up ... I faced the feeling of I'M DYING when I began to challenge my long written FEAR TAPES ...  tapes that I wrote and rewrote repeatedly every time I went to challenge where I was in my life and had backed down.  I'm 53 years old -- that FEAR tape has been challenged over and over again.  It wasn't easy, it was stressful ...  

In fact, that's why this is a down day ... I've just spent 5 days (Mon thru Fri) facing that FEAR TAPE.  It doesn't derail me for months anymore ... or even weeks.  I just need a day or two to recover ...   

For those of you who are starting your journey and for those of you who are on it, remember the words:  Whether all of this takes a week, a month, or a year, that precious and limited time is going to pass whether or not I AM doing something about MY LIFE or not.   Dr. Phil promises me that at this precise moment next year, my life will be better or worse that it is right now.   It will not be the same; the choice to improve it or let it decay is wholly and undeniably mine.  

Those words are in the last paragraph of Chapter 1 SELF MATTERS.  I journal every day.  I remember where I was last year NOW because I've quieted my mind ...  I've accepted my mistakes ... and I have faced what shames me and brings me guilt.  I am human and the best thing I've learned watching Dr. Phil is that we all can start over again .... that possibility was shown to me.   I am not HER anymore.  I am ME.