Topic : Defining Your Authentic Self

There are many confusing things in life, having said that I guess what matters is how well you handle the situations in life. 

For me I have messed up more than anything and continue to do so. I still have to learn the fine art of being alone, with no one. I would like to save my marriage it just seem like there is nothing there. Maybe if I stop trying things will just fix themselves. I know I need to concentrate on me. I do step back I try to learn. I really just want to have someone in my life to have fun with, and my husband has changed so much since his accident I'm so depressed and miss the emotional contact. I try to talk with him it does no good. I really have no friends, by choice, I hang out with no one and pretty much go no where. I have become what I didn't like in him a recluse. I had a hidden crush, I finally spoke, I told the person my feeling ( scary) I had been wanting to say something and tried. When I did and saw this person after the fact it was unreal. I did't know how to act and still don't. I see him from time to time. I owe nobody anything, except me, I owe me happiness and truely I haven't been happy in a whille. I know this is a hugh mistake, I coming full circle and being what I worked so hard not to be. I don't like much about anything right now. I just don't want to be alone. 

I am in need of serious help in identifying a psychiatrist and psychologist (or one person with both credentials) in the Atlanta area who possesses an IQ in excess of 170.  Preferably female, but that's probably asking too much.  = ) 

  

I have made two requests of Dr. McGraw's staff over the past few months, but have not received any sort of a reply. 

  

This is a serious,  critical request, and any advice or direction would be forever appreciated.   

  

M 

 You said that maybe if you stop trying things will just fix themselves. (Meaning your marriage.)
Most of the time, concentrating on yourself will bring about the changes needed to improve our situations. And you said that this is what you are doing.
 So what you are doing is not "nothing." Are you reading SELF MATTERS?

 Perhaps if you indicated why the doctor has to satisfy the criteria? Otherwise it kinda looks like discrimination.

So my live in boyfriend of 3 yrs broke up with me.   ok, so I've accepted that we're breaking up, I'll be moving out soon and looking forward to the next chapter of my life.  It's very sad, I'll be going through the usual break up grieving process, etc etc....sigh... what I'm most hurt about is that he's already moved on.  He's already seeing someone els and says he wants to be with her.   (I found out that they're waiting for me to move out so that they can both be together)  THIS hurts more than anything.  I keep having the "she must be better than me" thoughts....  I know all that I need to do to move on.  I keep telling myself  'f**k him', Logically I know what I have to do, BUT it still hurts.  It hurts immensely and I'm worried that this break up will be harder for me to get over now that I KNOW he wants to be with someone else.  I simply feel like I'm not good enough.  I've been feeling really low and depressed,  It just hurts and I simply want the pain to go away.  Is there anyone out there that has gone through this?  I know what needs to be done to move on and forward, BUT my mind can't stop the 'I'm a loser' thoughts going on in my head.  I'm so tired of crying...

I know exactly what you are going through. I was with a guy for 3 years, two of which we lived together for. In the end, he dumped me for another woman and when he moved out of my place, he got an apartment and she moved right in with him, no more than 2 weeks after we split. It absolutely sucked and was the worst feeling that I ever had to deal with. I had all the same thoughts and it didn't help that he was a complete and utter jerk and had the balls to even tell me that I wouldn't ever make anyone else happy. It was hurtful and agonizing. I was in complete misery. There were two very important factors in my recovery: 1. Support from my friends who wouldn't let me forget all that I had going for me, and 2. Time. I know it sucks right now but slowly and surely it does get better. Start getting involved in things you enjoy. I rejoined a soccer team, learned to play guitar, and pushed myself to define my authentic self by reading Self Matters. Do things for yourself and you will see that your not a loser. This is an oppertunity for you to live how you want to live. If he couldn't see the greatness that is you, its his loss. Out of the deepest pain of my life came one of the best gifts I had ever recieved. It lead me to the greatest and most fulfilling love of all - the love of myself. Also, its opened the door for an even greater man to waltz into my life and sweep me away. Don't sit at home - get involved in things and distract yourself. And most importantly, move out soon. If you have to continually be reminded of it, it will prolong your suffering. There is a sunny side past the pain. Learn from it and accept that you must go through this but it will be better. Have faith. 

  

 ..."what I'm most hurt about is that he's already moved on. He's already seeing someone else"...
So, that means he's been cheating on you and now it's time for you to move over for the next gullible person to move in.
..."she must be better than me thoughts"...
No, she's not better than you. It's your ex boyfriend who is screwed up. He has issues with immaturity and impulse control. Believe me, in a short time he will be cheating on this poor girl and she'll be thinking the same thoughts you're having.
..."I simply feel like I'm not good enough"...
You are going through the shock and sadness phase.
It's understandable.
You are not a loser.
 Did he ever come to you and say that he was worried about your relationship? That he was interested in seeing other women? By what you wrote, I'm guessing not. He just decided to lie and cheat one day, instead of coming to you and saying that his feelings had cooled. (Which would have been the honest, caring, respectful thing to do.)
You are not the loser here, he is.
I would suggest that you give yourself some time to grieve over this, don't get involved with anybody else for awhile. You will carry "baggage" from this relationship that may spill into the next one if you don't care for yourself and take the time and effort to get completely over it.
To ensure that you don't hook up with another immature boy in the future, you might want to read Dr Phil's LOVE SMART before dating again.
Good luck.

I'm in the midst of being tested - that's what I call it when I'm moving forward and challenged by a life event (my cat Fluffy returned after 6 weeks and right now, we are on death watch with him. If his urine doesn't improve drastically by Thursday morning, he will be put to sleep.).   It's been really stressful and so far, I'm doing really good on a couple and the others, well, I'm just wallowing right now.  

  

I figure with Fluffy coming home, I'm finally starting to see everything slowing down.  And it's a good thing that I've journaled and discovered years ago that these periods come in spirts and then go away.  Then I spend double the time moving thru them so I can bring closure to them. 

  

I find that I'm always in the "defining me" mode.   These events always trigger "growth / opportunity" for me.  I remember when I would just freak out and run to my favorite little cave.  Now, I'm just moving forward and getting zapped left and right - I feel better about it and haven't started crying WHY ME?  POOR LITTLE ME!  I used to - I've come pretty far haven't I? 

  

Have a good week Belinda. 

Check out "learndrphilfromlawliss.com"  - there's a link to a group of therapists that have been certified to using Dr. Phil's books and processes.  They may be able to help you.

I'm sure that I've found exactly what I'm meant to do for the rest of my life. I found the music in my life, and feel that it's the right thing for me.  

It's like to be in love, and you know that it's Mr. right.  

I just think that I have fallen in love with music. For me it's a passion, and I will do anything to accomplish a music career. 

But I just don't how to start? Does anyone have some advices? 

I would appreciate it a lot. 

Thanks. 

- I.G