Topic : Defining Your Authentic Self

I've re-read the SABOTAGE chapter so many times that it's really ingrained in me.  His definition of how we look to others and how others perceive the changes we are making and how they will react negatively to us.  It was really an eye opener.  Now I use the words experiment and I actually sit down when I do my goal work and ask myself WHAT DO I NEED TO LEARN/PRACTICE/DO to obtain this goal.  If it means I'm to learn something, I seek a book.  When I do an exercise in the book, I call it an experiment.  It really helps me to remember the rest of the words in this chapter so that I have more patience with others. 

I also celebrate when a love one or co-worker attacks me.  It means that I have changed ME - that there is something different about me -- and so many times I'm blind to seeing it cause I've been practicing my new behavior/habit and it has become ME. 

What helps me is that after I journal my feelings and explore the event more, I find that I need to remember what my plan is. I developed a MEMORY BOOK that I write stuff in so I can review it when it occurs again OR it goes in my ACTION BOX - that's where I gather actions that I need to address like when I go shopping, I've written all sorts of notes, actions that I can do -- so when I plan to go shopping the night before, I go thru the notes and see where I stand and what else I can practice.  It's like an experiment box for me. 

But remember, when others say stuff - it's a positive sign -- you have changed - you just don't see it.  Accept it with thanks and let it go. 

Yesterday, I sat down and did Suze Orman's top 10 goals and once again Financial Security was #1, 2, & 3.  Also, I made a mistake when I said I had until 10/1/05 to conquer my mindless spending - the goal date is 9/1/05.  I wanted to change the date but I had to acknowledged that I was afraid to face my truth -- I have to once again stand up to a friend/sister and stop the nonsense.   

I stood up to my mom because she's a shopalolic and I needed to change it so that I can obtain financial security.  Now, I can openly say NO to the long shopping hours and I can say NO to going into stores if I don't have a list.  I'm going to bring a book and read it in the car. 

And I challenged the emotion/feeling I named EXHAUSTION a while ago - in fact, I think it was last year ...  it's true name is PIG PEN and I'm already hearing myself say my I AM truth.  I once again ended up losing money to family because I couldn't say no and I know that I'm not ever going to see it in cash and now I'm poorer and a little stressed out that I may not find a part-time job like I want so that I can survive while I tackle paying off my bills and then put money into a savings account so I can have money when I turn 70. 

I want financial freedom and that means, I have to stop the nonsense with my girlfriend/sister.  It's not going to be easy, but this time PIG PEN isn't going to stop me -- or derail me -- I have my truths and I'm already reprogramming my old ancient tape. 

BREATHE, Marcia - you'll going to be doing that a lot now!   Good thing, I know that it's always harder when I first start out because once I reach the practice stage, I just have to practice and practice.  That's so much easier than spending the Large LUMPS of TIME I need to do now to get myself moving in the right direction. 

My goal is to actually met the:  CONQUER MINDLESS SHOPPING BY 9/1/05.  I'm going for it.  It's going to be stressful because it's like me not eating/binging on chocolate, chips, and junk food.  It means a major shift in my thinking/habits/behaviors.  I can do it and I know it.  and I know that next year at this time, at this moment in my life I will have conquered so many of my bad money behaviors/habits that I won't at this NOW place I am living in. 

My problem is that when I get really focused on the exercise and writing, I'm not aware that I'm actually NOT breathing until I'm feeling Oxygen deprived! I'll continue to pay attention to that.   

I'm also aware that if I'm not overdosing on humor, I become so 'cerebral'! I think that that, too only serves to keep me at a distance from any really negative/uncomfortable feelings.  

Thanks for your support!  

Brenda  

Remember when we were kids and our parents always reminded us that sticks and stones could break our bones but names could never harm us? 

Well this was so wrong - we always took those names and taunts into us and look what happened.  I think the thing we also need to remember is not the statements that people use against us but also their behaviours. 

Often those close to us exhibit behaviours based upon what is happening to them in their lives or minds - we see what is happening to and for them and in feeling bad for them we too often descend into accepting some level of responsibility for where they are.  Then the circle begins - we spiral down down down and get sucked further into the maelstrom that is their world.   

Before we know it our world has disappeared and we are living in someone else's reality.  That is where this search for our authentic self begins. 

The search for, and the maintenance of, our own reality is ongoing and forever 

When I first started to listen to the CDs, I remembered him teaching me how to do it. But because after the 1st couple of days, I simply knew that the words were safe and I allowed myself to use it to go to sleep with.  One day, I woke up while I was processing some "nasty" life stuff and heard myself say:  BREATHE - I was repeating his words.  I had to re-listen to the CD to remind myself that it was an okay thing.  Now, I find that I'll be driving or doing something and I'm breathing.  It's really weird but I accept that my mind is grasping that I'm stressed and need to relax. 

It takes practice.  I had a lot of practice at work and driving to on the freeway.    

 i found a family that would support me, after being depressed for a year, i found some freinds, who gave me a place to belong, there always been there for me, even if they nevered meet me. i was suffering from realley bad despressing.and  felt like ending there that night, but my  freinds said no! and talked to me, all night, even demanded i write to them the next Moring. well they helped, alot i konw they always get labled, gang. cult, whatever. we're nice caring peaple. who only want to hang out listien to our music, so forth, there FAMILY! like dr phil says , FAMILY comes First  they saved my life, sometimes even the thickest deepest waters are thicker then blood,    mcl   

   Hello Dr. Phil,  I'd just like to say that I've noticed alot of people from other countries writing in on the messege boards.  You are a very popular person all aross the world,, not just here in the states. There is a reason for that you know.  You are a very compassionate person, not to mention caring and from what I've observed watching the show, a very loving person as well,, Robin seems to be very happy and content.  I know from experience what it's like to be in a relationship that is one sided.  But I have found a great guy,, he drives me crazy sometimes,, and has even threatened to spank me once in a while,, he never has ,by the way,  but we seem to have the same kind of reltionship that you and Robin have and I love it. For the first time in my life I feel loved, it's taken me awhile to feel this way,, but I've been watching you for 2 years straight now and have taken alot of your advice into my everyday life and it has worked for me, and for Billy too,, only he doesn't know it.  I had a hard time trusting,, now I find that I can finally relax and enjoy my relationship knowing that Billy really does love me.  Like I said ,, he drives me crazy sometimes,, but I guess that I drive him crazy too.. Isn't that what we're suppose to do?  Ha Ha!!  But he also knows that I love him very much and want very much for this to work for the rest of our lives,, so we decided before we even met that we would never go to bed angry or without kissing and saying goodnight, and that if something was bothering one of us we would talk about it and not let it go so that we would end up in a fight.  Ususally the only thing we fight about is if he doesn't go to work for some reason,, then I can't help but get upset,, we don't have alot of money, and we need every cent we can hold on to.  Anyway,, I just wanted you to know that there are lot of people out here that count on you for advice, and that we use it.  I hope your show stays on forever.  There will always be people to watch and I will certainly be one of them.  God bless you and your family.  Please tell Robin I know just how she feels about an empty nest, I cry whenever I think of my children and my grandbaby, and we have another grandbaby on the way, that I plan to be there to see come into this world,, Bless you Robin for your sensitivity, and caring ways.  Bless you both,, Sincerely Martha