Topic : Defining Your Authentic Self

 Be positive at all times. If you expect to fail, you will. Before the battle begins, make sure you expect to win-then there will be no battle, for you will have won before it starts. 

--Life Strategies From "The Art of War" 

Suppressing your authentic self and denying its need for expression, and living a life for which you have no passion, wastes tremendous amounts of life energy that could be spent on creating what you want. 

Last week I did MER with my feelings from finally standing up for myself.  But I never did the last step - forgiveness.  It's something that I need to do because the past is over with and I'm standing up for myself for the first time in my life where it counts.   Mom isn't the only one feeling my strength and determination.   Family, friends, everyone are being hit with I TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT ME.  I TEACH has finally sunked in to my little grey cells.    

Boy is this ever a major releasing for me.  I made a list of what irks me or gets me upset that my mom does, my girlfriend does, etc.   If I'm bothered than it means, I haven't bought it to closure and I want closure NOW!!!   

Now this is going to be amazing ....  cause my mom has been in my life since the moment of conception and now I'm bring closure to the past (my childhood) and NOW (her patterns/tapes/scripts she lives to).  This will be interesting cause once I figure out how I'm going to do it, I will then do my dad, then family, then friends, then all the people in the world that I have a negative or unhappy past memory.  Yep, it will take the rest of my life because - I don't remember stuff unless it triggers a memory.  I'm not even sure it can be done but Martha Beck's article about US BEING LIKE TIVO provides me some steps I can work with this coming month.   

Sure do like those short articles with their little steps to follow - I find it's so easy to stay focus that way as I work thru healing my past and opening the doors to new opportunities. 

With me doing MER once again, I have opened myself to admitting that until I can release my painful childhood, I will never be able to deal with my mom or others until I let go of my past.  Like yesterday, when I kept getting angry for her being who she is.  Now, I want to bring stop being angry for her being her.  It's pittling stuff like - she loves shopping, seeing stuff. I got her to make a list and instead of praising her, I got angry cause she grazes.  I'm the one who is learning to conquer MINDLESS SHOPPING so why am I so mad at her!  So now, my goal is to truly forgive my mom and acknowledge that I've broken the pattern we wrote when I was a child.  She can keep her pattern cause it doens't own me anymore. 

Because I've done MER again, I once again opened so many new doors!  Boy do I love forgiveness work because it means that I can see possibilities again! 

This time, with the help of Al Secunde's book:  THE 15-MINUTE SOLUTION  & Rhonda Britton's book:  CHANGE YOUR LIFE IN 30 DAYS, I have been able to name more stuff that I've discovered about myself.  Like: 

1. That if I THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT I DIDN'T WANT IN MY LIFE, I would not beable to do what it was I wanted in my life.   What I discovered a few months ago was that when I just stopped thinking about it, I did it.  Al's chapter on Resistance was an eye opener.
2. That my BECOMING COMFORTABLE with the new idea/change/behavior/habit is what Rhonda calls:  Stretch.  RISK is when I begin to take the steps to do it.  DIE is when I have to commit and take a major step like when I committed to how I was going to pay off my credit cards. It took me June & July to work thru STRETCH & RISK - and I really had to force myself to do DIE - sit down, write the check and send it off.  I knew I was right-on and that it was the best plan but to do it was so frightening.

I'm just so thankful that I picked out 2 books that could help me and that I had figured out what it was I was looking for cause now I don't have to read the entire books unless I want to.  Al's book does a lot of reflection back to Dr. Phil's books.  He says things differently but they have the same meaning. 

I do like Rhonda's book though but doing the book in 30 days is unreal in my eyes.   But, I do like her daily format cause it allows me to see that I'm on track.  Like Day 7: Are You Making It UP or is It TRUE?  That naming for me is:  FAIRY TALE.   

It's what I needed - a shot in the arm that I'm on track and that journaling and goal work is the way to go here.  I'm just so glad I chose 1 big goal to help me learn how to LISTEN TO MYSELF (Sewing) and then allow myself to master those techiques & skills as I processed my life.  I'm actually thankful that I'm fat because everytime I binged/overate or wanted to, I knew that I was listening to well-worn tape/script.   

The clouds float by  

with winds on high  

very blue the sky  

I see with my eyes  

where the future lies  

the sun on the rise  

hear the bird's cry    

a new day is nigh    

my wings I try    

flight in to the sky    

the day goes by    

I am ME, I cry...    

This picture is breathtaking!!! When I look at it I get the strongest feelings of freedom, happiness and peace.  

Thank You for sharing it and the wonderful words.  

Brenda