Topic : Defining Your Authentic Self

Do you get O magazine?  If you do, read Martha Beck's article on PITY PARTIES.  It really was so helpful to me and it showed me what I was doing when I write about stuff.  That acknowledgements can quickly turn to PITY PARTIES if I do not control them. 

There's also an article about binging ... I really found that helpful as well. It helped to reinforce that when a binge occurs that sometimes I have to allow it to play itself out before I can do something different. 

I am still here reading all your posts. You all are amazing and wonderful individuals.  Be proud of the job you are doing. 

All good comes to good people.   

Thank you. 

Hi Monica, 

There are two things I would suggest for you! 

First it sounds as though you are lonely to be intimate with someone!  

In other words you are always helping people deal with their feelings but have no one to help you deal with yours or even a sounding board! 

I would suggest you make some time to connect with others outside of a professional relationship!  

You refer to your spiritual life so to me it appears that this is very important to you! 

Regardless of attracting a man, finding the right man will take you having to go to the right places he might be because obviously he will have to have some spiritual qualities and beliefs for you to make a go of it together! 

So let your spirituality be the lead in this in finding places that you can share that part of yourself and where others might share it with you as well.  

My second advice is simple! 

Yes physical activity is great and it does help alleviate stress....but I'd suggest you tap further into your creator by creating!  Take some sort of art/craft course or join a group who does some form of these that may have interested you!  

There is nothing as healing and stress relieving but as well mind awakening and rejuvenating as tapping into the creator and letting that spirit guide yours!  This is where you become one in spirit  and it will open the potential to your life more than you even could imagine!  As well you will have the satisfaction of having your time and energy produce something tangible and sometimes awing to self.   

With this I too think that you may find someone on a spiritual plane with yourself and you certainly may never have expected it! 

Please don't trap yourself with doubt!  Things like "I'm not artistic" are rediculous and self-defeating!  IF you are tapped into the spirit you know that nothing is impossible... 

So Monica, take some advice...step outside the routine and comfort zone....go after what you want by going where they should be! 

Remember too, it is not just the goal of arriving, but it is the journey there as well! 

Blessings 

Kit 

As I look at the messages that people are writing here - filled with feelings of inadequacy, guilt, pain, insufficient self esteem - I am struck by one thought.  

The thought that strikes me is:  

"What is it that we all really want?"   

The answer to that question - if we all really stop and think about it carefully and deeply - is really quite simple.  

The answer is - the freedom to choose.  

We often say that we want the big house, the large bank account, the prestige car, the perfect family - but is that really what WE want for our own self?  No of course it is not.  We want the feelings that are associated with those things - we want the feeling of achievement, we want the comfort - or is it?  

What each of us want the freedom to choose - the freedom to be whatever we want to be without the imposition of the values and thoughts and expectations of others.  

So everyone - STOP - take a breath and look at your own self - not the image you see in the mirror each morning but the person deep within you.  Then use that person - that self - that individual - for self determination.  

That is what the struggle for the authentic self is really all about.  I have found that place in my own self - along with my new life partner (and in some ways thanks to her) - each of us can be whatever we want - and in giving our self that freedom we find underlying and everlasting happiness.  The happiness that can help each of us deal with the normal everyday "stuff" that life throws at us.  

So as you move forward with your life look not for what others have said we need but look instead for the choice of your own life.  

Linda, the one thing I had to deal with is that I had 2 different tapes running within me.  One was filled with memories and the other was just emotional.  That was how I finally named the stuff I was dealing with last summer.   

I mean, you write that you couldn't link them to memories ... events / situations/ people tapes. 

That's one of the reasons I post on the boards. Especially when I'm responding to someone's post. I always find that it's linking me to what's going on in my own life.  And when I can't recall a memory ... I've learned that maybe it's all about the emotions I had experienced. 

Like when I was a kid and I laid in my bed hurt and abused (emotional and verbally) - it happened so much after I was molested (age 8) that I had written a tape. I could never stand up and defend myself as a kid -- hey Maslow's LAW   "SAFETY & SECURITY" were at stake.  That emotional tape was written and entered into so many times.  Last summer, I figured I would start addressing them - I'm so much better now at knowing it's happening.  It always leads me down a funk .... 

IT ALSO COULD BE all sorts of other stuff ....  what were you working on last year?  did you write it in your journal?  If you journal, go back 2-3 months before you realized it was happening -- the depression.  Depression is just memories running amok OR me suffering from SAD.  I get it in the Winter (no sunlight) and summer (too much heat).  I am purchasing those "DAYLIGHT Florescent bulbs for my home and I got A/C a few years back and I'm handling myself rather well in the summer! 

AND YES, it does matter .... if you haven't addressed what triggered the relapse than what happens the next time?  I stay alert 24/7 -- my journaling shows me my cycles ....  with my memories no longer running my life, I'm able to see more clearly now.   

And by reviewing your journals you'll be able to see where you are on your journey. It's really cool when I do it. It makes me stronger because I can see all the neat wonderful changes I'm going thru.