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Topic : Defining Your Authentic Self

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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 11:20:02 am
Author : dataimport
Have you read "Self Matters" or become familiar with the process of uncovering your authentic self from watching the show? Share your story here.

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September 10, 2005, 8:38 pm PDT

Good Point, Taemanai...

Quote From: taemanai

1. To bring people together for the better good!! 

2. Enrichment of life 

3. Emotional commitment 

4. Seeing organisations at work 

5. Learning about the Earth 

6. Seeing time-altered 

7. Awareness of suffering of others 

8. Economic commitment 

9. Power and equity issues 

10.  Resources and preparedness lessons for all places 

  

Taemanai 

Now, this is an interesting thought. I have been aware of a lot more ‘feelings’-which I was really struggling with prior to the Katrina disaster. In working with ’Self Matters’, Chapter 4: Ten Defining Moments, I was really NOT able to find my own feelings, about my own life experience. Now I am far more aware of ALL of the feelings I have for the survivors and many more for my own experience.  

   

Thanks, Taemanai!!!  

   

Brenda  

 
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September 11, 2005, 1:26 am PDT

I'm STUCK! Somebody help!

The angry thoughts just keep rolling around in my head, and the exit chute is plugged!   

    

I am trying so hard to be just what I am, in the moment, and right now I am just angry STILL about all of the pain, the frustration over never being heard or understood, the lies, the deceptions which are still coming to light . . . the whole nine yards; and to hear that he still blames me for all of it, and takes NO responsibility for anything he ever did to contribute the demise of the relationship just fuels the fire even more.  

    

I know that I cannot control him, what he says, what he does, or how he feels . . . that is glaringly obvious.  But I can control how I deal with this, and if I continue to let this eat at me.  I don't want to be backed up, plugged up, shut-down, and angry for the rest of my life.   

    

I guess what I am asking for is just a little support.  I know what I need to do, just a bit of a hand-hold before I jump off the cliff with this.   

    

Any help will be appreciated.   

    

     

 
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September 11, 2005, 6:26 am PDT

I guess MER isn't working.....

Quote From: pearl2purl

The angry thoughts just keep rolling around in my head, and the exit chute is plugged!   

    

I am trying so hard to be just what I am, in the moment, and right now I am just angry STILL about all of the pain, the frustration over never being heard or understood, the lies, the deceptions which are still coming to light . . . the whole nine yards; and to hear that he still blames me for all of it, and takes NO responsibility for anything he ever did to contribute the demise of the relationship just fuels the fire even more.  

    

I know that I cannot control him, what he says, what he does, or how he feels . . . that is glaringly obvious.  But I can control how I deal with this, and if I continue to let this eat at me.  I don't want to be backed up, plugged up, shut-down, and angry for the rest of my life.   

    

I guess what I am asking for is just a little support.  I know what I need to do, just a bit of a hand-hold before I jump off the cliff with this.   

    

Any help will be appreciated.   

    

     

I do a ritual to help me release my anger.   

  

1st, I write everything down I'm feeling - every thought, feeling, hurt, pain, whatever on paper.  At first, it was hard for me to do. Now, it comes pretty easy. 

  

2nd, then I go outside (if the weather is nice) and sit and talk to GOD.  If there's a park nearby or a place where I find in nature that soothes me is the best place to go (and that's my own backyard). 

  

3rd, I read the letter to GOD - I ask GOD for help in dealing with these emotions and letting them go. 

  

4th, I then rip up the letter.  Because I write mine on the kids writing paper which is made of that cheap paper, I burn it and as it burns, I release it to GOD. 

  

5th, I put a post-it note on my bathroom mirror reminding me that I gave it to GOD. 

  

6th, for the next couple of days, when those emotions & feelings pop up again, I remind myself that I have given it up to GOD.  It usually takes me time ... 

  

Lastly, I do MER as found in SELF MATTERS. 

  

I've been doing this ritual for over 13 years - it works.  When I have shared it with 2 friends, it worked for them too.  THEN guess what!  In FEARLESS LIVING, Rhonda Britten shares her RELEASING RITUAL which is so much like mine.   

  

Give it a try - it's something different than going around in circles with your thoughts. It allows you to break out of the SAMENESS. 

 
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September 11, 2005, 8:41 am PDT

Back again

I am back from another trip.  We went to Flaming Gorge on the Wyoming, Utah border to do some serious rescue practice and try to roll our big kayaks.  We realized we needed more skills before hitting the ocean again.  

  

Well, we are good at the two person rescue, but neither one of us could roll the boats.  We figured out why and need to talk with some folks to see what we can do to enable us to roll without the boats filling with water.  We came out of the week with lots of bruises and feeling a least a little more confident.  

  

We did have some issues while we were gone, ones that give me reason to really explore what it is I want in life, from relationships, and whether or not I want to stay in this one.   The same issues keep coming up, and usually they are directed as me being the cause, yet I am realizing that it is a shared issue.  Two strong personalities don't always meld well together.  So, I am doing much introspection fueled by some emotional pain and understanding that I don't have to be afraid of the future or any of the choices I make, I just need to be sure I do things for the right reasons. I think some of what is happening is because of my work in Self Matters I am more clearly able to state what is OK and what is not for me and that is threatening, which rocks the boat, so to speak.  I know the ones closest to us have a difficult time handling our changes and growth when they believe it threatens them.   

  

I have read all 64 posts that have been written during my absence and much is going on in the lives of everyone!  Life is going to become very busy here shortly for myself as well, and I look forward to re-establishing my daily routines.  School starts in just a few short weeks and I will be hitting the books hard as well as harvesting and canning from the garden.  I am amazed at how much work there is to do and how much I actually get done compared to what I want to...lol.   

  

I missed you all and I am glad to be back.  I give a collective e-hug to you all.  {{{{{everyone}}}}} 

  

Teri  

  

  

 

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September 11, 2005, 10:52 am PDT

pearl2purl

Quote From: pearl2purl

The angry thoughts just keep rolling around in my head, and the exit chute is plugged!   

    

I am trying so hard to be just what I am, in the moment, and right now I am just angry STILL about all of the pain, the frustration over never being heard or understood, the lies, the deceptions which are still coming to light . . . the whole nine yards; and to hear that he still blames me for all of it, and takes NO responsibility for anything he ever did to contribute the demise of the relationship just fuels the fire even more.  

    

I know that I cannot control him, what he says, what he does, or how he feels . . . that is glaringly obvious.  But I can control how I deal with this, and if I continue to let this eat at me.  I don't want to be backed up, plugged up, shut-down, and angry for the rest of my life.   

    

I guess what I am asking for is just a little support.  I know what I need to do, just a bit of a hand-hold before I jump off the cliff with this.   

    

Any help will be appreciated.   

    

     

Been there, done that.  I also had to finally accept and acknowledge my anger, which I did in a letter to him (he couldn't care less how I feel), I keep this letter for myself and re read when I feel he is once again trying to manipulate me.  We are currently going through a divorce.  Write down your truths about the demise of the relationship, about your anger in what he has done or not done.  Accept your part/mistakes that lead to this (whether it be too trusting, not communicating your feelings, or doing these things but not putting foot down that he should acknowledge these things that were bothering you and fix them, not sure if that makes any sense), and change/grow to who you want to be.  It takes two to make a relationship and two to mess it up.  Accept your porition and leave the rest to him.  Acknowlege your anger towards his actions or whatever, accept mistakes you may have made.  Change and grow yourself, you cannot change him no matter how much you would like to, and may not get any sort of acknowledgement from him on what he did wrong.  My h was also full of lies and deception and an excellent manipulator, I will not let him manipulate me any longer.  So I have acknowledged my truths and left him with his in my letter.  He can deal with his truths however he wants to, he may not ever acknowledge them, but for me to go forward I have acknowleged my truths, I am acknowledging and letting go of past anger and will not in the future let myself be treated that way again.  Hope this makes some sense to you.     

      

I was probably in major denial, don't like to think that. But hey, if I was I was. No longer though.     

      

"Rationalization may be defined as self-deception by reasoning."        

      

Here is what I live by now.     

      

"I am that person who commands quality, inspires respect, and settles for nothing less than active and abiding love."     

     

Take care.     

 

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September 11, 2005, 10:55 am PDT

To all who this applies.



THE AWAKENING

A time comes in your life when you finally get it . . . when in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out: ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on.  And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears, and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes.  This is your awakening.  You realize that it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon.  You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren’t always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of `happily ever after` must begin with you and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate, or approve of who or what you are . . . and that’s OK (they are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop bitching and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn’t do for you,) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.  You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it’s not always about you.  So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself, and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties, and in the process a sense of peace & contentment are born of forgiveness.

You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche.

You begin to sift through all the crap you’ve been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you should weigh, what you should wear, where you should shop, what you should drive, how and where you should live, what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with, who you should marry, what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children, or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view.  And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with and in the process you learn to go with your instincts.

You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive.  That there is power and glory in creating and contributing.  You stop maneuvering through life merely as a `consumer` looking for your next fix.  You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a by gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don’t know everything, that it’s not your job to save the world and that you can’t teach a pig to sing.  You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility, and you learn the importance of setting boundaries and of learning to say NO.  You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love; romantic love and familiar love.  You learn how to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away.

You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship.  You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man or woman on your arm or the child that bears your name.  You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be.  You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes.  You learn that just as people grow and change so it is with love.  And you learn that you don’t have the right to demand love on your terms.

And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely.  And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you `stack up`.

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over, and ignoring your needs.  You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK, and you learn that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things that you want - and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity, and respect and you decide you won’t settle for less.  And you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with his or her touch . . . and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.

And you learn that your body really is your temple.  And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect.  You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water, and taking more time to exercise.  You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear.  So you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul.  So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that for the most part, in life, you get what you believe you deserve . . . and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen, is different than working toward making it happen.  More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline, and perseverance.  You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it’s OK to risk asking for help.

You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time; FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears, because you know that whatever may come you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms.

And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.  You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes `bad` things happen to unsuspecting, good people.  On these occasions you learn not to personalize things.  You learn that God isn’t punishing you or failing to answer your prayers.  It’s just life happening.

And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state; the ego.  You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy, and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.  You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about; a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself, and you make yourself a promise never to betray yourself and never, ever to settle for less than your heart’s desire.  And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.  And you make a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

Author Unknown

   

  

 

   

 

   

 
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September 11, 2005, 4:52 pm PDT

Defining Your Authentic Self

Quote From: awakening



THE AWAKENING

A time comes in your life when you finally get it . . . when in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out: ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on.  And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears, and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes.  This is your awakening.  You realize that it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon.  You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren’t always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of happily ever after must begin with you and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate, or approve of who or what you are . . . and that’s OK (they are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop bitching and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn’t do for you,) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.  You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it’s not always about you.  So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself, and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties, and in the process a sense of peace & contentment are born of forgiveness.

You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche.

You begin to sift through all the crap you’ve been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you should weigh, what you should wear, where you should shop, what you should drive, how and where you should live, what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with, who you should marry, what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children, or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view.  And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with and in the process you learn to go with your instincts.

You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive.  That there is power and glory in creating and contributing.  You stop maneuvering through life merely as a consumer looking for your next fix.  You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a by gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don’t know everything, that it’s not your job to save the world and that you can’t teach a pig to sing.  You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility, and you learn the importance of setting boundaries and of learning to say NO.  You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love; romantic love and familiar love.  You learn how to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away.

You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship.  You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man or woman on your arm or the child that bears your name.  You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be.  You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes.  You learn that just as people grow and change so it is with love.  And you learn that you don’t have the right to demand love on your terms.

And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely.  And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you stack up.

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over, and ignoring your needs.  You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK, and you learn that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things that you want - and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity, and respect and you decide you won’t settle for less.  And you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with his or her touch . . . and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.

And you learn that your body really is your temple.  And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect.  You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water, and taking more time to exercise.  You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear.  So you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul.  So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that for the most part, in life, you get what you believe you deserve . . . and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen, is different than working toward making it happen.  More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline, and perseverance.  You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it’s OK to risk asking for help.

You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time; FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears, because you know that whatever may come you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms.

And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.  You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people.  On these occasions you learn not to personalize things.  You learn that God isn’t punishing you or failing to answer your prayers.  It’s just life happening.

And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state; the ego.  You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy, and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.  You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about; a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself, and you make yourself a promise never to betray yourself and never, ever to settle for less than your heart’s desire.  And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.  And you make a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

Author Unknown

   

  

 

   

 

   

This was so well said; who ever the author was that write this, obviously has a lot of wisdom. Thanks for sharing!
 
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September 11, 2005, 9:52 pm PDT

To pearl2purl

Quote From: pearl2purl

The angry thoughts just keep rolling around in my head, and the exit chute is plugged!   

    

I am trying so hard to be just what I am, in the moment, and right now I am just angry STILL about all of the pain, the frustration over never being heard or understood, the lies, the deceptions which are still coming to light . . . the whole nine yards; and to hear that he still blames me for all of it, and takes NO responsibility for anything he ever did to contribute the demise of the relationship just fuels the fire even more.  

    

I know that I cannot control him, what he says, what he does, or how he feels . . . that is glaringly obvious.  But I can control how I deal with this, and if I continue to let this eat at me.  I don't want to be backed up, plugged up, shut-down, and angry for the rest of my life.   

    

I guess what I am asking for is just a little support.  I know what I need to do, just a bit of a hand-hold before I jump off the cliff with this.   

    

Any help will be appreciated.   

    

     

You are being heard.  He has found the right button to Shaft you.  Some men still in this day and age do not believe that women are all that important, and refuse to take any responsibility for any of their actions. 

  

You are however the only person who controls your switches, but You are allowing him to control them.  You are giving him your power and You have got to take it back.  When you say that you know that 'you cannot control him, etc. , it sounds as if you want to.  If you have a place where you can go for a walk and just chew him out - that would be a step.  But Dear Lady - Please, Please take back your power - he ain't worth it. 

  

Be mindful that yes life does stink at times and also use common sense and remember that the lies are probably going to keep coming for a while yet - that's life.  And remember this message board is here for just the purpose you want. 

  

                                                           Rog 

 
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September 12, 2005, 7:07 am PDT

A bit of ponderance

Quote From: awakening



THE AWAKENING

A time comes in your life when you finally get it . . . when in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out: ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on.  And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears, and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes.  This is your awakening.  You realize that it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon.  You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren’t always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of happily ever after must begin with you and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate, or approve of who or what you are . . . and that’s OK (they are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop bitching and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn’t do for you,) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.  You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it’s not always about you.  So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself, and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties, and in the process a sense of peace & contentment are born of forgiveness.

You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche.

You begin to sift through all the crap you’ve been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you should weigh, what you should wear, where you should shop, what you should drive, how and where you should live, what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with, who you should marry, what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children, or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view.  And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with and in the process you learn to go with your instincts.

You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive.  That there is power and glory in creating and contributing.  You stop maneuvering through life merely as a consumer looking for your next fix.  You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a by gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don’t know everything, that it’s not your job to save the world and that you can’t teach a pig to sing.  You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility, and you learn the importance of setting boundaries and of learning to say NO.  You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love; romantic love and familiar love.  You learn how to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away.

You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship.  You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man or woman on your arm or the child that bears your name.  You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be.  You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes.  You learn that just as people grow and change so it is with love.  And you learn that you don’t have the right to demand love on your terms.

And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely.  And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you stack up.

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over, and ignoring your needs.  You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK, and you learn that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things that you want - and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity, and respect and you decide you won’t settle for less.  And you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with his or her touch . . . and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.

And you learn that your body really is your temple.  And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect.  You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water, and taking more time to exercise.  You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear.  So you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul.  So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that for the most part, in life, you get what you believe you deserve . . . and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen, is different than working toward making it happen.  More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline, and perseverance.  You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it’s OK to risk asking for help.

You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time; FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears, because you know that whatever may come you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms.

And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.  You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people.  On these occasions you learn not to personalize things.  You learn that God isn’t punishing you or failing to answer your prayers.  It’s just life happening.

And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state; the ego.  You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy, and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.  You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about; a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself, and you make yourself a promise never to betray yourself and never, ever to settle for less than your heart’s desire.  And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.  And you make a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

Author Unknown

   

  

 

   

 

   

I had to read this a couple of times, making sure I was not skimming, as I am prone to doing at times.   

  

I can truly relate to this awakening, to this opening up the eyes and truly seeing things for what they are and understanding that I am the only one with power to make changes in my life that are what I choose.   

  

I want to thank you for sharing this, and I thank Author Unknown.   

Teri 

 
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September 12, 2005, 7:19 am PDT

Still feeling the anger

Quote From: pearl2purl

The angry thoughts just keep rolling around in my head, and the exit chute is plugged!   

    

I am trying so hard to be just what I am, in the moment, and right now I am just angry STILL about all of the pain, the frustration over never being heard or understood, the lies, the deceptions which are still coming to light . . . the whole nine yards; and to hear that he still blames me for all of it, and takes NO responsibility for anything he ever did to contribute the demise of the relationship just fuels the fire even more.  

    

I know that I cannot control him, what he says, what he does, or how he feels . . . that is glaringly obvious.  But I can control how I deal with this, and if I continue to let this eat at me.  I don't want to be backed up, plugged up, shut-down, and angry for the rest of my life.   

    

I guess what I am asking for is just a little support.  I know what I need to do, just a bit of a hand-hold before I jump off the cliff with this.   

    

Any help will be appreciated.   

    

     

You know,  I have been divorced for almost 5 years now, and the anger isn't gone.   It is amazing, as even though I do not think much about my ex, even though we share two children, I cannot allow him to run my life any more.  I cannot afford to give him free rent in my head.   

  

We went through an Alternative Dispute Resolution Evaluation about a year after the divorce, maybe closer to two years, and in it the evaluator recognized that I had successfully disengaged from the relationship.  I know that his manipulations and his lies keep him angry.  He has not shown any desire to accept his part in our relationship's death.  There has been only anger from him and bitterness.  I wonder how hard that must be to live that way.   

  

When we learn to let go of our anger, it does not mean the other party has to or will accept it.   Take pride in accepting your part, yet take on no more than that.  He will have to do with it what he does, as you stated-you cannot control that.   

  

I let it be known very calmly that I was accepting my part in things, and that they are things I will continue to work on, just not with him.  Let him know you love yourself and have more self respect than to allow his behaviors to control your emotions.   

  

I slip my hand into yours and am saying I am willing to jump over this one with you!  I send you strength, loving thoughts and a smile of pride in the empowerment you have chosen. 

Teri 

 
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