Topic : Defining Your Authentic Self

Just think Feliss, we are breaking the abusive childhood patterns we grew up with ... the whole planet is.

For me, I kinda see the big picture ..  I know that my mom was a product of her upbringing and her parents were a product of there's.  And when you think about it, it's only been the last 100 years that we have begun to step outside the boundaries we were raised to believe the world is.

I know that 200 years ago, my ancestors were peasants.  They lived in shacks or probably a slum area or two.  They were farmers too.  There was always a master, a boss, a lord or whatever over my ancestors.   There are doctors too --the jewish side of my family tree but that simply means procustion.

We had to be submissive, we had to be lowly.  It was the way of life back then -- unless, of course, you know that you have some Lord or King blood in you -- but we could -- cause back then raping the serfs was an okay thing ...

Just think that all the work you are doing right now in your life and where you will be in 5 years time, you will be an example to others ... I know that I am .. I can see other peoples' life patterns now.  Actually, they are more than willing to tell you verbally about them. 

Isn't it amazing Feliss, that if 1,000 are doing Self Matters right now, how many examples are going to be out there .. and there are more than that because CBT is being taught across the world right now. 

It's a really awesome thought isn't it?

I agree with you Marcia, it's great that we have come so far.

I've started to work on my relation-pattern now, i e; on how to behave handle myself against/towards fearful and not so nice people in my surrounding. It's best to work out strtegies before I come to situation where feel uncomfortable and scared. I am doing quite fine with these strategies.

The weird thing is that I am still a little scared for what other people might think of me when I have to work and journal this. But sensibly I know that I am not alone to have to write down and work on myself.

How are you doing Marcia?

Friday, I went to a fitness Q&A by my gym and discovered that what I've been telling myself about ME NOT BEING ABLE TO SWEAT has been a lie.  Yes a lie!  The reason I don't do well in aerobics is because my heart hasn't built up to handling the exercises.  And can you believe that I know it's the truth because when I'm in the Total Body Toning class last Tuesday, I realized I could do all the standing still or just staying place movements and I was fine.  The moment she had me walking I had to stop! 

Once again, I had to sit down and figure out when I wrote this LIE ... and I discovered that I had never been told this .. that I just made the assumption based on the facts at hand .. that when I rode the healthryder, I couldn't breathe after a few minutes.  Well, now that I'm older (like by 10 years!) I realized that the machine was exactly what it was supposed to be .. an aerobic workout that I couldn't do ... so I just took all that I knew and put 1+1=4 together ...  yep, I've been living a lie and I'm feeling really stupid!!

Now, I'm having to re-educate myself and that's cool!!!  I also being a woman whose been losing weight now well over 35 years (started worrying about being fat when I was 16 and in High School) --  that I've also screwed up my eating behaviors.  I learned that when I took those 3 naps last week after the Total Body Toning class that it was because I'm not eating enough ... that I'm putting my body into starvation mode.  And worse, the nasty moods are also part of that.

I'm glad that I was able to see all sorts of behaviors surfacing from this class .. cause when an expert talked to me, I saw the truth and not went into denial.  So I've been working on and off all weekend in putting together a plan to get my heart rate to handle this class cause it's exactly what I need in my life right now.  And lucky for me the government has a tracker that I just have to input what I eat and how much exercise I do each day and it will tell me the calories I've eaten. 

The only glinch I can forsee right now is that they want me to eat 1 svg of protein each day, and I've learned the last 3 years, I need 3 servings.  I haven't checked it out yet; however, it will definitely make my life a whole lot easier!

So, once again, I sit here totally amazed that unless I sit down and educate myself when I experience something new .. that I will never be able to stop having to address those lies I've written.  Good thing I do that now .. I've been bemoaning that I spend a lot of time researching and experimenting ... however, I now see that there is a good reason for me to do so.

And no, I'm not allowing this hiccup to make me feel bad .. I just laughed at myself and celebrated by knowing that it came at the right time in my life!

I know that when I worked thru it, I had to do a lot of CONNECT-THE-DOTS work ...  I had to understand that they weren't going to be mad at me, that they loved me .. and that I've done a lot worse in my life than stick up for myself.  That's how we were taught to be .. authority figures are always hard and then you have adults .. and we just carried it over with us.

Planning is perfect ... I like to sit down and tell myself how good it's all going to turn out and then do it.  sometimes, I'm scared up to that point .. however, if it's really going to be hard because there's a pattern in place .. I then just practice doing a little different.

Like when we are talking or doing ... I work on remembering to just to take 1 step back ... then then begin working on taking another step to the side or something ... that way, I'm slowly breaking the pattern.   Took me awhile to learn it ... now I do it without thinking and because I had to disconnect from the "pattern" in place, I was finally able to stop myself from just repeating the same old self-distructive behaviors.

Right now, my car isn't working .. so I'm doing stuff .. being lazy .. however, I have walked twice out in the cold .. they say it's the worse weather we have experienced in a long time.  We may get a break next Tuesday!

M

Well, looks as if we get our message board back...I have missed reading everybody's input....

Hope everyone is doing well.

Teri