Topic : Defining Your Authentic Self

I am 53 years old.  Maybe it's my age, but for some reason, I have very few chilhood memories.  I remember once being abused by a step-grandfather when I was about 6 years old.  Although I remember only once, He was around for years and this is my only memory of those years.  I also remember being abused by an older cousin when I was 8 or 9 years old.  Do most people my age have alot of childhood memories or am I blocking them for some reason?  Do I need or even want to remember?  How does this affect my authentic self if I have these questions?  Do I just ignore them and work with what I've got?

I too was sensitive when it came to authority figures .. it has  a lot to do with growing up being told that parents, teachers, adults were always right and I had no rights or I was too young to know different.

My definition to SENSITIVE is ...  I can hear and see what they are doing; however, I don't have to join them.  For me it was a really harsh lesson ... I wanted to fit in ... to be a part of the team; however, it wasn't ever going to be because I was already different.  I talked different, I acted different.  However, I had to do things like CONFRONTATIONS .. I actually had my bosses' secretary set up 2 meetings ... one with the Administrative Officer and the Executive Officer ... because I saw them as attacking me.

I met with the AO and my boss first; then the EO, AO, and my boss ...   and discovered that my boss had only told me the stuff that made me angry ... that she had left off some really nice stuff and I actually turned to her and asked her WHY DID YOU WANT ME SO ANGRY?  WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME ABOUT THE GOOD STUFF?    she couldn't answer me. 

I did this confrontation and it was the scariest thing I ever did .. however, I had to know the truth and it's one of the reasons I realized that I had to leave there .. however, she made sure I couldn't ... she had power ... she was connected to power ... and power doesn't fix it self because it's ignored.  I realized then Feliss, that I was walking a totally different path .. even now, I see it.

When my friends talk about their jobs, I see it differently ...  I see their fears and the fears that the jobs bring with them.  It's just so crazy isn't it?  But it's not ... When you see the world without the blinders on ... you see it for what it really is. 

Check out Harriet Lerner's book  FEAR AND OTHER UNIVITED GUESTS .. what you are really experiencing are fear issues and you can learn to step thru them and live your life.  It was a wonderful book that helped me to understand fear .....

You can probably get it from your local library.

I have selected memories ...   and the memories you do have are stopping you from remembering the others -- they are more entrenched.

Have you read and begun to do the cognitive behavior tools in Self Matters?  It really helped me to have other quieter memories popping up in my head now. 

and you work them out ... Self Matters was hard when it got to Chapter 4 -- however, once you get past it - you find that he provides you with all the necessary exercises to finally work thru them ... they will always be a part of who you are; however, they won't be all that you are.

Hi Teri .... I'm not sure why your post didn't post properly, I'm hoping you have returned?

How's school?  Did you ever find a part-time job?

Me,. I'm still looking.

wow, I lived that way to .. in fear ...  it's really a very painful way to live.

And verbally speaking up for one self solves YOU ..  they may not here your No the first time or the 2nd or the 15th ... however, when you live the NO, they will see it.