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Topic : Defining Your Authentic Self

Number of Replies: 7837
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 11:20:02 am
Author : dataimport
Have you read "Self Matters" or become familiar with the process of uncovering your authentic self from watching the show? Share your story here.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

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anxious
February 7, 2007, 10:18 am PST

How I feel sometimes

Quote From: teri_id

Well, looks as if we get our message board back...I have missed reading everybody's input....

Hope everyone is doing well.

 

Teri

Scared...to live...     I’m scared of speaking my mind,
I'm scared of saying my opion,
I'm scared of telling people they matter to me,
I’m scared of talking to people I want to impress,
I’m scared of getting absolutely drunk,
I’m scared of dancing freely in a club,
I’m scared of showing that I’m enjoying myself,
I'm scared of showing my true emotions
I’m scared of what people will think of me,
I’m scared of giving my everything,
I’m scared of talking to a guy I like,
I’m scared of asking people for favors,
I’m scared of getting hurt,
I'm scared of disappointment,
I'm scared of giving my best,
I'm scared of falling and not getting up again,
I'm scared of not being able to over come these fears,

I’m so scared of failure that I’m afraid to live.   PS: this isn't a suicide note. It's just how I feel because I never feel like I can be my authentic me. I tend to have a face on... just because I'm scared of so many things. I'm starting to read the new book, I hope it can help me on my way of change. I have realized in the past months that III need to change. I used to think "oh when I get older, things will change...", I'm turning 21 next week and things haven't changed. So I guess now it's up to me.
 
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anxious
February 7, 2007, 10:19 am PST

Scared...

Hi everyone !   My name is Sandy and I'm new here.   Scared...to live...        I’m scared of speaking my mind,
I'm scared of saying my opion,
I'm scared of telling people they matter to me,
I’m scared of talking to people I want to impress,
I’m scared of getting absolutely drunk,
I’m scared of dancing freely in a club,
I’m scared of showing that I’m enjoying myself,
I'm scared of showing my true emotions
I’m scared of what people will think of me,
I’m scared of giving my everything,
I’m scared of talking to a guy I like,
I’m scared of asking people for favors,
I’m scared of getting hurt,
I'm scared of disappointment,
I'm scared of giving my best,
I'm scared of falling and not getting up again,
I'm scared of not being able to over come these fears,

I’m so scared of failure that I’m afraid to live.   PS: this isn't a suicide note. It's just how I feel because I never feel like I can be my authentic me. I tend to have a face on... just because I'm scared of so many things. I'm starting to read the new book, I hope it can help me on my way of change. I have realized in the past months that III need to change. I used to think "oh when I get older, things will change...", I'm turning 21 next week and things haven't changed. So I guess now it's up to me.
 
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worried
February 7, 2007, 5:36 pm PST

Abuse

I am 53 years old.  Maybe it's my age, but for some reason, I have very few chilhood memories.  I remember once being abused by a step-grandfather when I was about 6 years old.  Although I remember only once, He was around for years and this is my only memory of those years.  I also remember being abused by an older cousin when I was 8 or 9 years old.  Do most people my age have alot of childhood memories or am I blocking them for some reason?  Do I need or even want to remember?  How does this affect my authentic self if I have these questions?  Do I just ignore them and work with what I've got?

 
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quiet
February 7, 2007, 8:00 pm PST

Authentic.Self

Hi there..I think I should hhave looked up in a dictionary what exactly authenic means..I am thinking the real you..( hope I am right)..I am a Optimistic person...I beleive in  a Higher Power..I have compassion for people, I am a listener..I am open minded..but also have boundries, If I am frustrated..Hurt..I stuff everything inside...I don't verbally speak my mind..as it solves nothing..I do what I do..and carry on and each and every day...
 
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blank
February 8, 2007, 6:20 am PST

Yes, sensitive is a good label ...

Quote From: feliss75

Marcia, I've also figured out that I'm very sensitive when it comes to "authority" people who critics me (of course sometimes the critic is all negative). I'm learning to not take the critic as my truth and a reflection of my value, I just take in the critic for evaluation and than desides whether or not is something I want take on board or put in the trash.

 

This is a new way, a side-step, for me to start changing my lifepattern. I'm glad I'm sensitive and not coldhearted.

I too was sensitive when it came to authority figures .. it has  a lot to do with growing up being told that parents, teachers, adults were always right and I had no rights or I was too young to know different.

 

My definition to SENSITIVE is ...  I can hear and see what they are doing; however, I don't have to join them.  For me it was a really harsh lesson ... I wanted to fit in ... to be a part of the team; however, it wasn't ever going to be because I was already different.  I talked different, I acted different.  However, I had to do things like CONFRONTATIONS .. I actually had my bosses' secretary set up 2 meetings ... one with the Administrative Officer and the Executive Officer ... because I saw them as attacking me.

 

I met with the AO and my boss first; then the EO, AO, and my boss ...   and discovered that my boss had only told me the stuff that made me angry ... that she had left off some really nice stuff and I actually turned to her and asked her WHY DID YOU WANT ME SO ANGRY?  WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME ABOUT THE GOOD STUFF?    she couldn't answer me. 

 

I did this confrontation and it was the scariest thing I ever did .. however, I had to know the truth and it's one of the reasons I realized that I had to leave there .. however, she made sure I couldn't ... she had power ... she was connected to power ... and power doesn't fix it self because it's ignored.  I realized then Feliss, that I was walking a totally different path .. even now, I see it.

 

When my friends talk about their jobs, I see it differently ...  I see their fears and the fears that the jobs bring with them.  It's just so crazy isn't it?  But it's not ... When you see the world without the blinders on ... you see it for what it really is. 

 
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blank
February 8, 2007, 6:22 am PST

Hi Sandy ....

Quote From: nouchka_1

Hi everyone !   My name is Sandy and I'm new here.   Scared...to live...        Im scared of speaking my mind,
I'm scared of saying my opion,
I'm scared of telling people they matter to me,
Im scared of talking to people I want to impress,
Im scared of getting absolutely drunk,
Im scared of dancing freely in a club,
Im scared of showing that Im enjoying myself,
I'm scared of showing my true emotions
Im scared of what people will think of me,
Im scared of giving my everything,
Im scared of talking to a guy I like,
Im scared of asking people for favors,
Im scared of getting hurt,
I'm scared of disappointment,
I'm scared of giving my best,
I'm scared of falling and not getting up again,
I'm scared of not being able to over come these fears,

Im so scared of failure that Im afraid to live.   PS: this isn't a suicide note. It's just how I feel because I never feel like I can be my authentic me. I tend to have a face on... just because I'm scared of so many things. I'm starting to read the new book, I hope it can help me on my way of change. I have realized in the past months that III need to change. I used to think "oh when I get older, things will change...", I'm turning 21 next week and things haven't changed. So I guess now it's up to me.

Check out Harriet Lerner's book  FEAR AND OTHER UNIVITED GUESTS .. what you are really experiencing are fear issues and you can learn to step thru them and live your life.  It was a wonderful book that helped me to understand fear .....

 

You can probably get it from your local library.

 
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blank
February 8, 2007, 6:25 am PST

I'm like you ... few memories ....

Quote From: ladieejay

I am 53 years old.  Maybe it's my age, but for some reason, I have very few chilhood memories.  I remember once being abused by a step-grandfather when I was about 6 years old.  Although I remember only once, He was around for years and this is my only memory of those years.  I also remember being abused by an older cousin when I was 8 or 9 years old.  Do most people my age have alot of childhood memories or am I blocking them for some reason?  Do I need or even want to remember?  How does this affect my authentic self if I have these questions?  Do I just ignore them and work with what I've got?

I have selected memories ...   and the memories you do have are stopping you from remembering the others -- they are more entrenched.

 

Have you read and begun to do the cognitive behavior tools in Self Matters?  It really helped me to have other quieter memories popping up in my head now. 

 

and you work them out ... Self Matters was hard when it got to Chapter 4 -- however, once you get past it - you find that he provides you with all the necessary exercises to finally work thru them ... they will always be a part of who you are; however, they won't be all that you are.

 
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blank
February 8, 2007, 6:26 am PST

Teri ... are you really back?

Hi Teri .... I'm not sure why your post didn't post properly, I'm hoping you have returned?

 

How's school?  Did you ever find a part-time job?

 

Me,. I'm still looking.

 
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blank
February 8, 2007, 6:28 am PST

How painful ....

Quote From: stuffinside48

Hi there..I think I should hhave looked up in a dictionary what exactly authenic means..I am thinking the real you..( hope I am right)..I am a Optimistic person...I beleive in  a Higher Power..I have compassion for people, I am a listener..I am open minded..but also have boundries, If I am frustrated..Hurt..I stuff everything inside...I don't verbally speak my mind..as it solves nothing..I do what I do..and carry on and each and every day...

wow, I lived that way to .. in fear ...  it's really a very painful way to live.

 

And verbally speaking up for one self solves YOU ..  they may not here your No the first time or the 2nd or the 15th ... however, when you live the NO, they will see it.

 
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chillin'
February 8, 2007, 6:32 am PST

Welcome!

Quote From: nouchka_1

Hi everyone !   My name is Sandy and I'm new here.   Scared...to live...        Im scared of speaking my mind,
I'm scared of saying my opion,
I'm scared of telling people they matter to me,
Im scared of talking to people I want to impress,
Im scared of getting absolutely drunk,
Im scared of dancing freely in a club,
Im scared of showing that Im enjoying myself,
I'm scared of showing my true emotions
Im scared of what people will think of me,
Im scared of giving my everything,
Im scared of talking to a guy I like,
Im scared of asking people for favors,
Im scared of getting hurt,
I'm scared of disappointment,
I'm scared of giving my best,
I'm scared of falling and not getting up again,
I'm scared of not being able to over come these fears,

Im so scared of failure that Im afraid to live.   PS: this isn't a suicide note. It's just how I feel because I never feel like I can be my authentic me. I tend to have a face on... just because I'm scared of so many things. I'm starting to read the new book, I hope it can help me on my way of change. I have realized in the past months that III need to change. I used to think "oh when I get older, things will change...", I'm turning 21 next week and things haven't changed. So I guess now it's up to me.
 Congratulations on picking up the book and beginning to read it. I read SELF MATTERS about 4 years ago now, and I still refer to it often along with the Dr's other books. 

You are getting in touch with yourself at a very good time! I was in my 40's when I began to understand that the only way I could make my life better was to begin examining myself. Nobody else was going to fill the hole in the center.
 
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