Topic : Defining Your Authentic Self

I'm so happy that you are seeing outside the frames we grew up with .. it's really amazing it how much we just live to old habits .. I really found myself waking up to the idea of everything just being a habit ... and I can change habits. It just takes (1) acknowledgeing what's going on and then (2) making plans to do something different.

Your old habits are slowly moving away .. doing the gratitude is a major tool in acknowledging that you do have it so good.  Very powerful tool you are using for yourself. 

And I know what you mean about waiting for the shoe to drop ... I never knew when my mom would go off the deep end ... I was raised with her words ringing in my head that she hated me .. that I was stupid .. that I would never amount to anything. I lived to those words ...  I believed her.  Now, I know that she suffered from PMS and that when her monthly came so did the nastiness.  And she'll tell you she never ever experienced PMS in her whole life.  And I couldn't connect it to it cause I just believed what she always said.  Duh .. sure do feel stupid ... however, we were raised never to question our parents or adults for that matter.

You do have extremely good organziational skills .. you are just letting your old habits get in your way. I mean, if you consistently received EXCEEDS EXPECTATIONS then you had to do it back then.  Right now your job has you jumping thru loops. First you have to figure out a way to disconnect from their negative self-abusive behaviors there and learn a whole new way of doing business.  What I always told the ladies and men I mentored was .. make a list of all the qualifies and experiences you have NOW and that you will be using in your new job.  That is your foundation .. that is who you are.  Make yourself a little post-it note and put it up on your PC to remind yourself that you can do some things without the need for training.  Now, whenever you feel overwhelmed by the newness .. just read the post-it note or do one of those tasks to help you remember that you have some major foundations skills. 

Take care,  Marcia

One of the things I've found posting to this site is that no matter where someone else is on their journey, they bring me moments of AHA .. especially if I find myself responding to their written words. Sometimes, I'm just flowing and simply let many posts go.  THen there are times, I'm very reflective and allow myself to see what I write and what I recall as I write.

I learned to slow down my thoughts when I read and re-read Key 2.  I was doing both Self Matters and Weight Loss Solutions at the same time so they came together quite well there. 

Your words about "our patterns of thoughts" sounds like what I do .. I name my thought patterns ... like CATCH UP or CONFLICT.  My namings allowed me to group together behaviors, feelings, & thoughts under 1 word so that as I continued to experience them, I was able to simply say ... CONFLICT ... and know what I had to do to stop it from happening.

I'll see if my library has the book ... Thanks Linda

I know that I'm living to a pattern and as I read the SECRET ... I'm getting a good handle on how my own personal thoughts are creating the world I live in.  My mom did start on her negative train about someone .. and I told her 3x I didn't care to go that deep into it.  People will make their own mistakes and you know that you can say something and it will be ignored ... and then there are times when you just know that it's not worth opening your mouth.  She got really pissed off and said STOP TALKING TO ME ... and I said okay.  We were fine after that ...

I know that she's my mirror of healing ... and she knows that I'm just going off and doing my own thing now.  I'm not owned by her anymore.  It took me years to finally realized that the only reason I'm just following the patterns of behavior I was raised to live.  As I break thru those patterns, new ones are forming and I'm making the decision whether or not to stick it out or not.  I'm finding that I'm making peace with all sorts of behaviors .. and that my NOT ENOUGH TIME is slowly going away.

Now I'm telling myself all the time I HAVE ENOUGH TIME ... and me bringing snacks with me so that I eat ... helps me to keep my blood sugar levels even and my moods better.

And I had to clean off 6" or more of snow off my car this morning!  And Easter is going to happen on Tuesday!!!  My brother won't be able to make it over here tomorrow .. the roads will be a mess for a couple of days.  We went from 80 degrees on tuesday to 30's and below!

many of us have read the book or in the process of reading it.  It teaches you how to use Cognitive Behavior techniques which is the listening to the brain and bringing closure to stuff we keep allowing to run around in our heads.  

Chapter 4 is rather intense ... remember that you have to read the entire book from front to cover and do the exercises ... don't obsess about the exercises.

I recommend that you then select something you are not doing in your life and use the book to help you process what you are saying to yourself and then begin the painful process of bringing closure to that area of your life.  I chose something simple like learning to sew ... it was the summer of 2004 ... and it helped me to practice using the CBT processes. 

Yesterday, I got my latest copy of Fitness magazine and received clarification on some questions I've been having about how to go about getting healthy if I don't "think" my lose weight mantra.  They have this article about that same thing .. it was really cool!  I found myself writing down some great notes and highlighting quite a bit about the article.   And then I allowed myself to grasp that once again I've been enmeshed with my COMPARTMENTIZATION thinking which is our typical way of being.  I allowed myself to answer a couple of the questions in the article and it was really helpful for me.  Because one of the things I've learned last year was that by following a couple of diet changes, I bought down my high cholesterol and riased my HDL levels. 

The 2nd article was about stress ... and that's been a worry / concern for me too.   I've been thinking that I don't have the right tools in place -- and yet, I know from experience that I do.  Then I've worried how I'll never get better because I was living with stress for so long.  The article says that I can reverse the damage done!  That exercise is the key .. especially aerobic exercise.  And that has allowed me to see that I was right to be concerned because my heart rate wasn't healthy .. until I finally reailized it wasn't my lack of sweating that was a problem, it was my lack of doing cardio.  (Today, I've shoveled the ramp twice and parts of my drive way too!  And it felt really good!!)

And the final article was really good to.  It's about an exercise trainer that has you saying affirmations as you exercise ... I found it really quite interesting because I think a few of us are / have been doing that for quite a while! 

Now, I feel that I've finally broken away for losing weight and have a goal that has more meaning to me ... lowering my cholesterol and raising my HDL levels.  It's about getting myself back to a healthier body ... and losing weight just isn't the key anymore! 

Kinda neat huh?!

For me Linda, I found that I just couldn't put what I was feeling or experiencing into one word ... I felt all sorts of stuff and my reactions were the same ... and I found that I was experiencing it over and over again so I named it so that I didn't have to spend so much time and energy figuring out what I needed to do. Like Dr. Phil says, DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT ... and that was as different as I could get.

Let me know if they go into "emotional memory tapes" ... those are when you experience te emotional memories and can not put an exact "real memory" to it.   Dr. Phil never talks about that .. however, I quickly discovered in 2005 that what I was experiencing had nothing really to do with an event .. just the emotions that I went thru.  Like BEDROOM ... when I start to remember this bedroom ... then I know I'm experiencing emotional memories and I need to do different.  It has so many memories of me lying in that room angry and in pain and unable to do anything because I was a kid and I couldn't stand up for myself ... like Dr. Phil says ... survival and safety is the number 1 issue for kids.  Now I know that what was happening at those times was my mom experiencing PMS ... cause there was too much space in between the epsoides and it only happened on weekends ...  that's about the only time I saw her because she worked afternoons.

I'm glad you are able to understand where I was coming from.  Me, I want to see if any of my namings match up to their's.