Topic : Defining Your Authentic Self

Hey all,

I am so new at this, this is my first time here, I live in South Africa, I am just so confused! How do you find yourself when your living two lives, Ones is my public life, where I am always happy and show no fear. the other is my private life where I hate myself, How can you get over being raped from the age of 3 to 9 by my own cousin, abused by my dad and my mum for alot of my life, I lost my baby when I stupidly believed a man loved me, forced me to sleep with him and then hit me so hard i lost my baby? how do you get over that? love yourself? and trust anyone? how do you believe when someone says your pretty when your a beached whale?

Yes. Hello! There is a lady here from S. Af. and 2 doctors also.  1) If you feel like a beached whale, I understand.  I do too.  However, it is up to the person with that feeling to do something about it.  No one else can do it for you.  Depression can cause weight gain, but losing weight causes you to feel better.  Losing weight is easier than you think.  There are lots of weight-loss buddies on the internet, who would be happy to meet you!  2)  Lots of children have been victims.  I know over 100 rape and molestation victims.  We all suffered so much!  And most of us can't talk about it, because it's too private.  The point is, you are not alone.  These things are not your fault.  Try hard to put the blame off yourself and onto the people who did it.  3)  It is also not your fault about the baby.  Yes, it is very traumatic.  I don't think anything can comfort a mother's feelings.  However, does this help you? One out of three women lose a baby for some reason: miscarriage, stillbirth, abortion, adoption, car accidents, birth defects, etc.  So please just feel like this is one of the huge burdens of womanhood.  Please find some women friends who have experienced similar traumas.  Just hang together.  4) You don't have to trust anybody.  5) You HAVE TO love yourself.  I say that because none of the above problems were caused by you.  No matter what you have witnessed, YOU did not start anything, so YOU are still an innocent, caring person.  YOU are still OK.  The reason you have to love yourself, is that you are the only one in charge of loving you, and you are the only one who needs to be loved by you.  This is your survival.  Even if no one else on Earth loves you, you have got to love yourself to survive.

     I'm trying the 8-week makeover, more vegies and more exercise.  Write me back in 8 wks. to see how we're both doing!

My sponsor has tried talking to her but noway, she's not convinced.  my counseler also tried talking to her again it didnt help.  see what im trying to say, its really difficult to convince her of anything whatever she has in her mind that's what she believes.  now you see what a difficult time im having.  im always trying to please her and i cant think of my self the only time i do is when im at work.  a miricale must happen for her to change.