Topic : Defining Your Authentic Self

The hardest lesson for me has been learning THERE IS ENOUGH TIME, MONEY, ENERGY ....  and I used to whine about how I would love to just snap my fingers and it would be over and done with.  Well, it's going to be starting on year 4 and I just feel rather proud that I stuck it out and made it.  I still am dealing with layers .. that's when a lesson you've worked on returns with a whole new set of AHAs.

 

Look at these lapses as a celebration .. it means you've focused on getting there and it worked.  Now another lesson has surfaced ... and all these people are your teachers ... the situations / events / people .... they're all teachers.  They're showing you where you need to concentrate your energy for a little while so that you can learn to de-stress your life style and live a much healthier life style.

Back in 2005, I tackled my "mom" and it really was so painful. I know that I was allowing her to abuse me and to use me ... on her terms and it bought me some really painfilled times my whole life.  I'm a good kid too!

 

I cried and ranted and posted here while I worked thru my pain.  I had to see my mom as a person ... a friend ...  and that did help me.  Because seeing her as a friend enabled me to finally understand how different we were and how I needed to really keep my boundaries with her.

 

Can you believe just a few weeks ago she tried her "MAKE ME FEEL BAD" tool of her's.  I told her she wasn't going to make me feel guilty and I got up and looked at my calendar and told her .. I've taken you somewhere every week!  You are not going to make me feel guilty.  Yep, we do have that kind of conversation.

 

I used to fear them ...  I thought she would get mad at me .. but I remembered that the bottom line is that she may not approve of all parts of me; she loves me and that she'll adapt to me being true to who I am.

 

For me, having to step out of the "good kid" role was easier than I thought.  I mean, I am a good person with a good heart ... so it's my nature.  However, putting up with other people behaviors (including friends and family) just doesnt' cut it with me anymore.  I refuse to be hurt by others.  If there is a lesson to be learned, then I'm here to face up to it just like a few weeks ago.  I felt ashamed and guilty ... and I had to face why ... now I'm a much better person and I've written my "new boundary" down and posted it on my wall by my calendar and I see it ever night.

 

The lesson would not be in your life if you were not ready to deal with it.  You may have to see if your local library has any books on dealing with parents, being a good girl, whatever.  I find that if I feel lost, that just means I need to look for someway to educate myself so I can do differently.

Maybe your father Brenda is still in the adaptation stage ...  your father has only just now begun to acknowledge that his vision is bad ... your father simply did what he always does ... said yes.

 

Did you ask your dad how it went?  How did he see that night?  Did you step back and help me work out if it was something he could do?  Can he see better at night because there's no lights/glare?

 

I find that when I deal with my mom and friends, I have to stay in question mode ... I'm so used to stepping up and helping them when they haven't ask because I am a good girl.  But, they need to come up with their own answers .... to see it for themselves.

I've had so many relapses since I began this journey back on 11/18/03.  They've been so painfilled and I can't tell you how many times I felt like crying and just stopping.  However, I've always asked myself:  IS MY LIFE BETTER NOW?   HOW WILL MY LIFE BE IN 6 MONTHS?  and I continue on.

 

For the past few days, I've been writing down my TO DOs, my list of questions, and figuring out my SCHEDULE AGAIN.  boy that NOT ENOUGH TIME really drives me nuts!  However, I have a tool and a process in place that helps me to deal with it.

 

I'm also re-reading Martha Beck's book again ... she really does have so many neat 4-day exercises ... and everytime I re-read it, I find myself at a totally different place now!  Like I read the bi-polar-bear chapter ...  it helped me to remember that the reason I've gained weight again is because I focused on losing weight and once again, I've gained it again.  I like that chapter because she gives the harvard doctor's name and what it's scientifically called.  

 

Anyway, I finally dug out my flannel shirts and jacket.  I'm not sure what to wear right now.  It's going back into the 70's maybe ...  or maybe it'll get cold again.  Who knows.  Right now my back door is opened and I'm wearing sweats again! 

Marcia,  no you have not overstepped your boundaries.  I truly appreciate your honesty, afterall, isn't that what we all need to hear , honesty?

 

I am learning that my hurt, anger, pain, frustration and all the other emotions stem from situations well into my past, not from anything with my husband.  I know this is probably extremely difficult for you, as well as several others, but my husband , through the course of everything,  has actually helped me to realize this and focus on getting things straightened out in my mind first and then progress on to dealing with those persons who did hurt me in my past.

 

Like I said, I know none of you will probably understand it, but that's how I am perceiving this, at this stage.  Who knows, maybe somewhere down the road I'll look at it differently.

 

He does help out with the cleaning and the laundry while I'm at work, but he does save some of it for me.  I apologize if I made it sound as though he does absolutely nothing.  He does alot to help me out.

 

I hope I didn't confuse you more!

 

 

Are you still hoping and waiting for someone somewhere to come toyour rescue, wave a magic wand and instantaneously change your life forthe better?

Are you praying that you will one day win the lottery and dramatically alter the financial quality of your life?

Are you sitting behind your desk, daydreaming and hopingto one day rise to the top level of management without much effort andhard work?

Are you hiding in the background, silently praying andhoping that you will find favor, get noticed and be thrust into thelimelight of your destiny?

If you are tired of hoping and endlessly waiting forsomething positive to happen or someone to come to your rescue, make adeliberate decision today to take charge of your own life and begin tolead a fulfilled and productive life.

4 things to consider as you decide to change your life for the better.

1. Value yourself.

Value yourself, your life and your time. Value what yourepresent. Don’t compromise what you are worth for anything. Yourcurrent position may not accurately define who you are, but if youplace a high value on yourself, you will not only have greaterexpectations for yourself, but also be open to more possibilities andopportunities.

People who place a high value on themselves canconfidently walk into any arena of success and take their placecomfortably. They fit right in because this is what they have beenwaiting for their whole lives and they know that they deserve it!

2. Take responsibility for your own destiny.

Be practical and stop expecting other people to rescueyou from your current distress. People can only do so much…the rest isup to you and your God given abilities and resolve. Get rid of thedependency syndrome! It incapacitates and blinds you from doing greatthings with your life and getting the success you so much yearn for.

If you are not going to be the recipient of a largeinheritance or if you have not yet won the lottery, begin to do theright thing by charting your own road map to success and workingintelligently, meticulously and persistently to achieve your success.

3. STOP doing what does not work!

If you desire to change your life for the better…take aminute to consider specific aspects of your life over the last threeyears. Have you seen any improvement in your business? Have you lostweight? Are you still working at the same place that stifles yourcreative abilities? Are you still in the dreaming phase of that projectyou wanted to accomplish? Are you still procrastinating about goingback to school? Are you still doing the same things that produceunproductive and dissatisfying results?

How much longer can you keep doing the same things thatdon’t work? You only have one life to live and if you plan to live afulfilled life, stop doing what doesn’t work, start doing the thingsthat work and change your life for the better.

4. Take a definite tangible action step today!

Changing your life for the better means doing somethingtoday that produces results! If you can’t take radical steps, takesmall deliberate steps towards the change you desire. One of thegreatest impediments to success is procrastination. It is so often usedas an excuse for inaction to the point that it has become somind-numbing!

No one wants to hear that the only reason why you havenot managed to turn your idea into reality is because you have beenprocrastinating! People want to stand and cheer for the doer and theachiever who has taken positive steps to improve the quality of theirlives. These are the inspiring stories that we read about everyday andyou too can be that story.

All the best,
Jim

Well, my friendship with a very old friend has finally re-surfaced.  I went to school with this friend and we graduated together way back when.  I ran into her at the local library on Sunday and now she's joined me on aquacize night. We have plans to go to the movies this Sunday.  Way cool huh!

 

That just leaves 3 people now who have re-entered my life this year!  First was January and we became pool partners ... we've been learning to swim since last May together.

 

Then it was last Friday that I ran into my very best work friend's son.  She died of breast cancer back in 1996.  It was wonderful to finally met her son.

 

Then Sunday, it was the girl I graduated with and hung around with for a few years before she moved to Chicago and we parted company. We came together every so often thru the years; however, now, I'm able to be a friend!

 

That leaves 1 more high school friend, 1 friend from my early 20's and who knows, I may run into someone else along the way.  It's like I getting a chance to be the person I should have been way back then!

I sense you've got a lot out of all of this.  And I know my solutions are often as complicated as emotions.  And sometimes, are very impractical but with a core of truth.  And it takes the right type of people to continue to keep thinking, despite all the temptations and beliefs in the world, that also is sometimes good, sometimes bad, that like to create dreams and realities that one has to make it within those parameters but still remain strong and confident and individual, as well. And it is those with a sharp intellect and constant questionin whom are able to do this.

 

So keep it up, people here really have progressed as much as me.  It just shows a lot more as I'm quick to change, now, when I understand what is expected and how to do it that works, makes things easier. 

 

Thanks for you persistence and reliable input.

 

Sayoonara

Belinda

The story of ourself must be sliced like a side of beef.  In order to cut down goals into practical realities.  And sometimes, takes training and hard-work that takes a very long time and perserverance against the odds.  And no changes can really change the outlook but we can feel better about the path we have before us.

 

I'd like to hear stories of people who have found their niche or correct path.  (other than religious ones, though potent and true, are traditional and have been told for centuries.  The novel is just as important if not universally successful or as highly esteemed as other stories or expreriences.

 

Bye

 

Taemanai