Topic : Defining Your Authentic Self

Since I am a survivor of Child molestation by my father, I am having problems with my son-in-law and my granddaughter. I don't think I am totally off base, but I am not sure how far if I am. Three years after they married I found out he was using pain pills everyday. That came when my daughter came home from work and found him on the living room floor practically unconsicious with their 2 yr. old there.  He was a stay at home Dad, until my granddaughter was three and the new son came. My suspicions are that my granddaughter is so anxious, she is afraid of many things. She doesn't laugh easily, one time I was in her room waiting for her to come and get dressed. She yelled up the stairs, Do I have to take my panties off?"

Just recently my daughter told me that my granddaughter's  vigina has been nicknamed "Valeria" by her husband. I have found Poron mag. under couch when babysitting. My daughter admitts her husband is a hot head. Now she says their debt is too high, and she will have to get another part-time job, she already is a 911 operator. Taking care of her children, the house and her husband and now she is trying to get another job. Again leaving the children alone with a hot head that probably does pot,  hopefully  that is all.

I am so anxious, I am paralized (sp?), I can't get anything done, my daughter is mad at me for hinting at my concerns about her getting another job, about the vigina nickname, and I also mentioned that with my history, I don't like children sleeping with their parents, which happens alot . I know my grandson sleeps with them every night and I am not sure about my granddaughter. What a mess I have gotten myself into.

The stuff you've written about does seem a little scary ...  and with your background ... you will be drawn to that especially with all the little things that to you don't add up right.  Are you seeing your own childhood behaviors in your granddaugher?

I would seek the advice of a specialist.  Someone who you can sit down and discuss your own background and your grandchildren.   Let them be the deciding factor. If it is you, then no harm is done .. in fact, you get to work thru another layer of your past that will bring you peace.  If they feel it's strange, then they can help you get your daughter to understand what's not right.  With her working and him not, well, she probably just working on the other areas of her life not working.

Many of us who post here have had difficult childhoods.  I was molested when I was 8, my sister nearly died, lost my home, friends, school ...  just to name a few.

Some of us finally acknowledged that our lives sucked big time and said ENOUGH!!!   We turned to SELF MATTERS and spent a lot of time and energy working thru the stuff we thought the world was ... we lived to beliefs that we "named" when we were very young.  Those beliefs have really screwed us up big time!!!

Were you able to re-connect to your siblings?  Are you still connected?

The stuff you've written about does seem a little scary ...  and with your background ... you will be drawn to that especially with all the little things that to you don't add up right.  Are you seeing your own childhood behaviors in your granddaugher?

I would seek the advice of a specialist.  Someone who you can sit down and discuss your own background and your grandchildren.   Let them be the deciding factor. If it is you, then no harm is done .. in fact, you get to work thru another layer of your past that will bring you peace.  If they feel it's strange, then they can help you get your daughter to understand what's not right.  With her working and him not, well, she probably just working on the other areas of her life not working.

I know that I started with therapy and then began to slowly work thru what messed me up.  I was sexually assaulted when I was 8 by 2 neighborhood teenagers and that just put my mind in a place that just wasn't healthy.

Taking the big step to undoing the damage done to your thinking and emotions takes time and energy ... but like Dr. Phil says In SELF MATTERS ...  you can either do something now and in a year's time be somewhere else or continue to live your life as is it and it will just deteriorate.  (I'm not exactly what his words are in the book ... but this is close enough)

When I read those words, I posted them and read them every day.  And I'm so thankful that I found those words because it's so true.  I can't tell you how many times I wanted to give up but when I asked myself was my life better NOW than when I started, I had to acknowledge it did.

Have you tried reading any of Dr. Phil's books?