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Topic : Defining Your Authentic Self

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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 11:20:02 am
Author : dataimport
Have you read "Self Matters" or become familiar with the process of uncovering your authentic self from watching the show? Share your story here.

 
marcia52
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June 2, 2008, 6:41 am PDT

It's about understanding "us"

Quote From: marsplasti

Hi; I have been reading  A New Earth and I am having difficulty grasping the concepts. Well; Allright I am totally confused. I tried to log onto Oprah's teleclass but her website wouldnt let me in.

There are some things I am getting but Having a hard time understanding what the pain body is?

I totally get living in the now and all but what is this book really about? Is God now dividing the earth into the good and the bad? Does it have anything to do with God?

 

Pain-Body are emotions that the body is holding.  It's something I experienced back in "06" when I took my mom on vacation and was able to see that I carried all sorts of emotions from my past that had no real connection except, I had experienced them over and over again and made them "real". 

when I was a kid, things were happening to me and around me that I had no control over. I remember laying in my bedroom for hours at a time going over and over the same thoughts.  I learned to deal with those when I practiced SELF MATTERS.  However, I didn't address the "emotions" that I was feeling.

In the YOU series, you learn that the body has memories.  Eckhart explains that my body memories were created from my thoughts.  And body memories doesn't have a "brain" to help sort them out.  And because I do experience anxiety and panic attacks, I realized that what I was experiencing was my body not having had closure to my thinking.  Does that make sense?

Now when I feel anxious or a panic attack, I understand that it's a body experience -- my heart shows me that.  And Pain-Body will trigger really old thoughts which I've already dealt with on the mental level.  I now have a visual where I see myself stepping up and into the emotions and accepting them.  I'm not telling them they're not good or even explaining the truth.  I'm just accepting them. I've already asked myself am I safe? Am I in danger? Am I going to be hurt? because Flight / Fight has been triggered and my body is ready to take action.  Problem is for me it means, I shutdown and back off.  And that means, I'm backing off my living.

I have difficulty at times too.  I had to disable my "tools' pop-up function to enter the class room.  However, if I'm just using the "place" where all the classes are posted, I know that I can only listen to it there. I'm unable to download any classes. Don't have an IPOD or MP3 player.

Hope this helps.
 
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marcia52
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June 2, 2008, 6:42 am PDT

I knew it Brenda!!

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I started today picking things up, doing some very basic cleaning....

It was only after I read your post that I REALLY thought of how amusing that is, actually.

I was, in fact thinking, "What will she THINK?!?"

 

Brenda

Just look at it as "showing" her how you want the place to look and then you have to "unlearn" those words and the actions that goes with it.  Go join the local purple hat society as a reward for letting it go!
 
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marcia52
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June 2, 2008, 6:51 am PDT

I experienced the same ...

Quote From: roaringredhead

Philosophy is not my friend.  

 

I'm working harder on using more "I" statements. I'm Appalachian.  Appalachians are taught to communicate indirectly or passively; especially, when it comes to elders.  Mom and I had another little conversation today, with a lot more "I" statements.  She apologized, then quickly changed the subject.  I think my directness caught her off guard.  I think it upset her, and that is not what I intended to do.  I don't think that my sub-cultural self is neccessarily a flaw.  I've decided that Mom's back seat driving won't kill me after all. 

 

 

It was strange, as I read your post, I realized how many of the things that drove me nuts was really me reacting as  a child. That when I really faced up and did something and it felt "not right", I realized that I was okay with it,  it's just something old.

You used the word "I" and yes, it did upset her.  The one thing I discovered was that everyone reacts instantly in a defense mode - yep, even me.  When given time to think about it, they're okay with it.  Or they're not. 

My mom used to talk about "the family" how they did this or that .. when I sided with her, she would become upset and defend them.  I finally informed her that these conversations were hurtful to me. That I wanted to side with her, to defend her -- but that's not what she wanted and I told her that I didn't want to hear about it anymore. That it was her choice to keep it in her life and to allow it.  (or something like that).

Then one day when she started up on my case about them again, I went to say something and she quoted me!  It was awesome!  I had said something to my mom that was truth and she connected.  I guess that's why when her boyfriend died and left her his house, she moved in and none of the family is allowed to live there.  She doesn't have to support them. Although, she still bails them out of their problems - however, even that is slowly going away!

If it happens again, what are you going to say -- how are you going to be?  You have built a long-time "resentful" habit here .. so you need to plan on how you're going to think, feel, and do differently.  Habits are just you being on autopilot and have nothing to do with choice.  Breaking habits just requires patience and loving yourself and them as you replace it with a healthier one.
 
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marcia52
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June 2, 2008, 6:58 am PDT

Well, the loop is over and I'm exhausted ...

Once again, I've come full circle and I'm exhausted by the craziness.  I know that I created a pattern of "intensity" when I began to do WEIGHT LOSS SOLUTIONS. I knew that Dr. Phil's book was pointing out the different areas in my life I needed to change if I wanted to live a healthy, normal life style.  I turned to Self Matters and that just intensified my search for "normal".  Well, that intensity is now driving me.

I can cook, clean, and maintain my home.  I'm not because "FIX ME" is stronger and it shuts me down.  It was me doing goal work. It was me not being ready with the "right" plan to stop the craziness.  So I'm sitting in a messy house (not as bad as usual!), I am exercising now, I have added "work" and "dance" into my life pattern and let's not forget, YW is still trying to get in too. 

Adding to my life pattern does this. Always has and I'm hoping that when I'm normal (living), it won't derail me in the other areas of my life. 

Had a lot of issues to deal with me.  WORK bought on "not good enough" and "he's going to fire me" or "there's not enough work" ... all old issues that I'm addressing.  DANCE has them too. I've sat on the side so long and had "defense" thoughts I'm dealing with.  and YARD WORK .. it's just intimating .. I have a pretty big yard and I still have tasks that need to be done. 

I know that I'm at a good place and I know that I'm just going to have to pick me up again.  And yep, make another plan for when I get derailed again.  Or maybe this is my 101 attempt and it works!  I'm going to do differently.  I'm just now asking the Universe for help in figuring out what I can do next.
 
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roaringredhead
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June 3, 2008, 1:04 pm PDT

I don't know

Quote From: marcia52

It was strange, as I read your post, I realized how many of the things that drove me nuts was really me reacting as  a child. That when I really faced up and did something and it felt "not right", I realized that I was okay with it,  it's just something old.

You used the word "I" and yes, it did upset her.  The one thing I discovered was that everyone reacts instantly in a defense mode - yep, even me.  When given time to think about it, they're okay with it.  Or they're not. 

My mom used to talk about "the family" how they did this or that .. when I sided with her, she would become upset and defend them.  I finally informed her that these conversations were hurtful to me. That I wanted to side with her, to defend her -- but that's not what she wanted and I told her that I didn't want to hear about it anymore. That it was her choice to keep it in her life and to allow it.  (or something like that).

Then one day when she started up on my case about them again, I went to say something and she quoted me!  It was awesome!  I had said something to my mom that was truth and she connected.  I guess that's why when her boyfriend died and left her his house, she moved in and none of the family is allowed to live there.  She doesn't have to support them. Although, she still bails them out of their problems - however, even that is slowly going away!

If it happens again, what are you going to say -- how are you going to be?  You have built a long-time "resentful" habit here .. so you need to plan on how you're going to think, feel, and do differently.  Habits are just you being on autopilot and have nothing to do with choice.  Breaking habits just requires patience and loving yourself and them as you replace it with a healthier one.
You know what, I haven't thought about the next time yet. : - )
 
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marsplasti
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June 4, 2008, 8:17 am PDT

thanks Marcia

Quote From: marcia52

Pain-Body are emotions that the body is holding.  It's something I experienced back in "06" when I took my mom on vacation and was able to see that I carried all sorts of emotions from my past that had no real connection except, I had experienced them over and over again and made them "real". 

when I was a kid, things were happening to me and around me that I had no control over. I remember laying in my bedroom for hours at a time going over and over the same thoughts.  I learned to deal with those when I practiced SELF MATTERS.  However, I didn't address the "emotions" that I was feeling.

In the YOU series, you learn that the body has memories.  Eckhart explains that my body memories were created from my thoughts.  And body memories doesn't have a "brain" to help sort them out.  And because I do experience anxiety and panic attacks, I realized that what I was experiencing was my body not having had closure to my thinking.  Does that make sense?

Now when I feel anxious or a panic attack, I understand that it's a body experience -- my heart shows me that.  And Pain-Body will trigger really old thoughts which I've already dealt with on the mental level.  I now have a visual where I see myself stepping up and into the emotions and accepting them.  I'm not telling them they're not good or even explaining the truth.  I'm just accepting them. I've already asked myself am I safe? Am I in danger? Am I going to be hurt? because Flight / Fight has been triggered and my body is ready to take action.  Problem is for me it means, I shutdown and back off.  And that means, I'm backing off my living.

I have difficulty at times too.  I had to disable my "tools' pop-up function to enter the class room.  However, if I'm just using the "place" where all the classes are posted, I know that I can only listen to it there. I'm unable to download any classes. Don't have an IPOD or MP3 player.

Hope this helps.

Yes; This helps but I realize now that Tolle is saying what Dr.Phil and many other gurus have said and

wrote books about. Since i have been studying and on the journey of life I take what I need from various sources and leave the rest. So I think that the pain body has been discussed in other venues also.

I seem to lean more towards Wayne Dyer. He seems to go back many years ago and what he said many years ago holds true to this day. What he says has also been said by others.

But on some occasions when I am at someone's house sometimes my body gets so scared and I want to run out. It feels like its not safe there and that is a reminder of my pain body from the past. It makes sense now and from now on I will follow  my gut or instincts. There are reasons why we fear certain people and certain places. I realize that now.

Wow; Life is a journey isnt it?

Thanks again for your hard work on the board and to everyone else who spends time  helping here.

 
 
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roaringredhead
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June 4, 2008, 7:55 pm PDT

Hi, Jo, Welcome to the Authentic Self! : - )

Quote From: mikao2603

Hello all,

 

Since i'm pretty new on the message boards I'd like to introduce myself a little bit. I'm Jo, and I live in the Netherlands. I'm a 40 year old male. I've been wheelchair bound all my life. I recently found my authentic self, when I finally decided to follow my heart on getting a new job. All my life I've given the control of what I would do withy my life carreer wise, to institutions that 'knew best'.

 

Recently I started my own little practice as a registered stresscounsellor. The business is just developing so the financial part of it is not so good yet. But believe me, i'm loving every second of it!

 

Jo

Hi Jo,

 

I've been posting on this board for a few weeks now, and all of a sudden all these cool people decided to come back.  I'm still on Chapter 4 of Self Matters.  It's becoming a running joke.  Did you read Dr. Phil's Self Matters, and if so, how long did Chapter 4 take you?  LOL!  The issue is I love to write.  I'm writing down way too much detail, but I can't stop.  I actually enjoy the process Dr. Phil laid out for finding your authentic self.

 

Olivia
 
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marcia52
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June 5, 2008, 7:24 am PDT

That's what's so neat about SELF MATTERS

Quote From: roaringredhead

You know what, I haven't thought about the next time yet. : - )
In this book, Dr. Phil discusses how we remain  in a  'reactive' state.  And continue to do so until we finally start to work thru the reasons we are so reactive.  Basically that means -- we continue to do as we do until we know better. 

It sounds simple; however, at first, it's not. It takes focusing on listening and then doing something different if you don't like the same rut you're in. That's why SELF MATTERS really comes in and saves the day.  It helps you to "learn to listen".
 
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marcia52
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June 5, 2008, 7:32 am PDT

I wouldn't run away ....

Quote From: marsplasti

Yes; This helps but I realize now that Tolle is saying what Dr.Phil and many other gurus have said and

wrote books about. Since i have been studying and on the journey of life I take what I need from various sources and leave the rest. So I think that the pain body has been discussed in other venues also.

I seem to lean more towards Wayne Dyer. He seems to go back many years ago and what he said many years ago holds true to this day. What he says has also been said by others.

But on some occasions when I am at someone's house sometimes my body gets so scared and I want to run out. It feels like its not safe there and that is a reminder of my pain body from the past. It makes sense now and from now on I will follow  my gut or instincts. There are reasons why we fear certain people and certain places. I realize that now.

Wow; Life is a journey isnt it?

Thanks again for your hard work on the board and to everyone else who spends time  helping here.

 

When I feel anxious or  a panic attack .. (1) I do Tolle's  ALLOW  BREATHE  ACKNOWLEDGE   then ask:  (2)  Am I in immediate danger? --  I'm experiencing fear so I need to address whether or not  it's a past event being triggered that is triggering the "fight/flight" emotions.

(2) if I'm not in immediate danger, then I continue to keep my eyes close and visualize those emotions as a cloud.  I see the colors and I keep doing the ALLOW  BREATHE  ACKNOWLEDGE ... 

(3) At this point I can begin to experience "memories" from my past or just the same emotion I created from childhood -- I open my arms and step up and into the cloud.  I continue to ask myself if I'm safe, if I'm in danger.

Many of my fears / emotions when this occur are from my childhood -- because I no longer want my childhood to control my adulthood, I then (4) I remind myself that I'm an adult now.  I'm able to take care of me.  I thank my body for the memories and (5) I step through the cloud and out into the UNKNOWN.

I've been doing this since 2005 when I realized that I just wasn't going to live the life I wanted because of so much fear of the WHAT IFs.   I then draw a picture of my visual and allow myself to remember what I was saying and feeling.  As I do so, I realize that I'm going to be okay.

I like Dyer too.  I find that if I stick to just one teacher, I get tunnel vision.  So by turning to other teachers, I'm able to build upon what I already know.  It's a way I find of challenging myself to expand my tight little bubble I live in.
 
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marcia52
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June 5, 2008, 7:37 am PDT

Olivia .... me too!

Quote From: roaringredhead

Hi Jo,

 

I've been posting on this board for a few weeks now, and all of a sudden all these cool people decided to come back.  I'm still on Chapter 4 of Self Matters.  It's becoming a running joke.  Did you read Dr. Phil's Self Matters, and if so, how long did Chapter 4 take you?  LOL!  The issue is I love to write.  I'm writing down way too much detail, but I can't stop.  I actually enjoy the process Dr. Phil laid out for finding your authentic self.

 

Olivia

I spent a lot of time journaling my emotions and feelings .. I allowed myself to express them on paper because I realized that Self Matters was triggering so many thoughts.  I'm glad I did.  I realized I just needed to "select" one non-working area in my life and just focus on that .. but continue to write down everything.

I still do that ...  and take as long as it takes. When I finally sat down and read it, I was in a mental crisis in my life.  We all read and do this book the way we need to.  That you finally left Chapter 3 is awesome.  It really triggered my thinking and I had to keep reminding myself to just read the entire book from front to back and then come back and spend the time.  I get lost in thoughts and memories .. that's why it took me so long to finally to start living a healthy life style.  I kept forgetting what I was doing because of my thoughts. 
 
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