Quote From: hereisitI'm 5ft7, 104 lbs, and a recovering anorexic. I say recovering because I'll never be well, much like an alcoholic can only choose not to drink that day. I got up to (what I felt was an obese) 130lbs last winter, and started dropping weight again this spring. By July, I was down to 97lbs. I started to think again "How much more can I lose". I'm lucky. I had 4 years of good therapy (CBT) that allowed me to recognise a relapse when it attacked me. I still feel fat, ugly, and don't go out much, preferring the nonjudgemental company of my rescued dogs and cats. I just accept that I'll never feel entirely comfortable around people. I accept that I will always feel that they are talking about what I'm wearing, my weight, how ugly I am. I know intellectually that it's not true, but emotionally, just spending a few hours out in town leaves me anxious, feeling fat, and hideous.
I'd rather stay home, with my dogs, who love me unconditionally.
I don't feel handicapped by my BDD. I have found the things in my life that matter, a few good and supportive friends, an a boyfriend who tries to understand, even when I know he wishes he could just wave a magic wand and fix me.
Life with BDD isn't all bad. Because mirrors trigger my disorder, I don't have them in my home. I don't go to dressing rooms (they can make me cut myself with their 360 degree mirors) so I order my clothes online. If I go out with friends, I go to two or three places I feel safe in, usually late at night when there are fewer people to judge me.
I don't mind my life, it's so much better than it was before therapy. Before therapy, just leaving my home, or eating out was a trigger. Now I can go out, eat, and have fun, as long as it's in one of the places I feel safe in. I've also discovered I can go new places and meet new people if I have one of my dogs with me. I'm more focuesd on keeping my dog feeling secure (a lot of mine have survived abuse/neglect) than on my own discomfort. Since I have to present a calm alpha to keep my dog calm, it has the de facto effect of forcing me to be calm, rather than hyperanalysing myself.
Because a lot of my neglected dogs came in grossly underweight and needed nutritional supplementation, I've become more aware of the harm letting myself get too underweight can cause.
Seriously, once I had derived as much as I could from CBT, and transferred my focus to caring for my dogs I got a good portion of my health back. I may have saved them from death at the pound, but they saved me from death by starvation. I have to have energy to walk them. I can't over excercise myself, because I don't want to strain their hips and elbows, so the excessive running I used to do is out.
I'm healthier, less selfish, and am maintaining my weight at a healthier level since getting my dogs.
I can't say enough about how much they've done to give me back a good quality of life.
I haven't had a major depressive episode in nearly a year, because if I start to feel down, one of my dogs will come snuggle up to me and remind me that I haven't failed at Everything, I saved them after all.
My dogs are my therapy, my constant companions, and my best friends, they don't care if I'm fat, thin, ugly, pretty, wearing make up or not, if my hair is a disaster or if my clothes are two years out of date, they just care that I love them, protect them, feed them, and take them to the Vet to keep them healthy.
I think they are the only reason I haven't slid back into anorexia, when I got down to 97 lbs, it was hard for me to have enough energy to play the hours of fetch they love, so I saw that I was not healthy at that weight, and was able to start eating more healthfully again, so they didn't have to lose another home. (If I went into the hospital, my fur babies would need to go to foster care). They have saved me as much as, if not more than, I have saved them.
LOL does your therapist know how great your "therapy dogs" really are? j/king seriously I'm always amazed at what a animal gives to it's owner & so often we don't even realize it until later when it's hind sight. I've had dogs all my life and there was never a time that 1 of them wasn't an emotional support to me. they're great listener, not judgemental & sincere in their affection & love for us.
That said you should really be proud of yourself for your strides with your illness for all of the negative brough on with that kind of illness it seems you've been able to see the possitive of your recovering. I really just wanted to give you a thumbs up & tell you "you go girl".
(Original Air Date: 10/30/07) When most women gaze in the mirror, they may bemoan a blemish here or a wrinkle there. Imagine staring at your reflection for over two hours and hating your face so much that you never leave the house. Dr. Phil’s guests say they are prisoners to body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), a preoccupation with a real or imagined physical defect. Diana, 28, has been suffering with BDD for over 13 years. She’s undergone over 50 permanent make-up procedures –- eye liner, lips and eyebrows –- and didn’t leave her home for two years because she thinks she looks like a monster. Her mother, Guadalupe, and her sister, Liz, say it’s painful to watch Diana deteriorate before their eyes. Find out the shocking event Diana believes caused her condition. Then, 17 year-old Cheyenne used to win beauty pageants, but now believes that she’s an ugly, overweight girl with thunder thighs. She takes several hours to get ready for school in the morning, and constantly picks at her arm hair and lips. Her mom, Bobette, wonders if she’s the cause of her daughter’s bad feelings. Does Cheyenne really have BDD, or is something else affecting her? Share your thoughts here.
